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genzuya's review
2.0
I am very torn with this book. It was an interesting read--I had actually discovered mine and my husband's love languages and it has been helpful with our communication--but I do not agree with the author about a lot of things.
From a psychological standpoint, it was not very professional. It felt as though he was trying to paint himself as a perfect, God-loving, miracle-working man. It was a little too cookie-cutter for me. He often talks about how his patients and clients would boast about how "amazing" and "flawless" he is, which seems very vain to me. To me, it came off as him bragging about his achievements rather than actually trying to help.
Also, when he said that men are programmed to crave sex more because of their build-up of sperm, I nearly died of laughter. Not only is that highly incorrect, I feel it is ridiculous. I feel as though Gary Chapman is very misogynistic. He frequently talks about women doing their husbands favors such as having sex with them even when they don't want to, cook for them more, clean for them more, and other stereotypical things, and when I told my husband that he laughed and said, "Housework should be divided fifty-fifty."
There isn't much of a variety, either. Every couple he talks about are church goers, upper middle-class, white, and heterosexual. Notice a pattern here? It made me feel alienated and a little angry. It came off as pompous, like "Look at us! We're so awesome because we love God and are heterosexual and make a decent amount of money! Love us!" My husband and I are not religious; I'm not heterosexual; and we would fit somewhere in the middle-lower class. I felt as though I wasn't good enough to be reading it, and I thought maybe it was a personal problem of mine until I had read other people felt that way.
On the other hand, it did help with mine and my husband's communication. I am not an emotional person in the least bit and can't compliment anything to save my life, but after I had discovered my husband's second love language was Words of Affirmation (Quality Time being both of our main one), I began to work on my communication skills and started expressing how I feel about him more. When he discovered my second love language was Acts of Service, he started helping me with errands more.
I'm very torn being hating and liking this book.
From a psychological standpoint, it was not very professional. It felt as though he was trying to paint himself as a perfect, God-loving, miracle-working man. It was a little too cookie-cutter for me. He often talks about how his patients and clients would boast about how "amazing" and "flawless" he is, which seems very vain to me. To me, it came off as him bragging about his achievements rather than actually trying to help.
Also, when he said that men are programmed to crave sex more because of their build-up of sperm, I nearly died of laughter. Not only is that highly incorrect, I feel it is ridiculous. I feel as though Gary Chapman is very misogynistic. He frequently talks about women doing their husbands favors such as having sex with them even when they don't want to, cook for them more, clean for them more, and other stereotypical things, and when I told my husband that he laughed and said, "Housework should be divided fifty-fifty."
There isn't much of a variety, either. Every couple he talks about are church goers, upper middle-class, white, and heterosexual. Notice a pattern here? It made me feel alienated and a little angry. It came off as pompous, like "Look at us! We're so awesome because we love God and are heterosexual and make a decent amount of money! Love us!" My husband and I are not religious; I'm not heterosexual; and we would fit somewhere in the middle-lower class. I felt as though I wasn't good enough to be reading it, and I thought maybe it was a personal problem of mine until I had read other people felt that way.
On the other hand, it did help with mine and my husband's communication. I am not an emotional person in the least bit and can't compliment anything to save my life, but after I had discovered my husband's second love language was Words of Affirmation (Quality Time being both of our main one), I began to work on my communication skills and started expressing how I feel about him more. When he discovered my second love language was Acts of Service, he started helping me with errands more.
I'm very torn being hating and liking this book.
hollyrenee13's review
5.0
I read this book in a span of about 2 days and it is amazing! Yes, it is a little corny at times, but it spoke volumes to me! I learned that my love language is quality time. Really everything that the author said about Quality time, or lack there of, is exactly what I have been complaining about lately. It is the root of my frustrations. The next step is for my husband to read it. I believe he has started it and was more open to reading it than I thought. I am excited for him to read it so that we can discuss what we learned about ourselves and each other. I really think this book hits it on the nose when it comes to the root of problems in a marriage. I think every married couple should read this book no matter what the shape of their marriage may be. In fact, I even thought of giving it as wedding gifts for now on. A really excellent book!
meme_too2's review
5.0
I've heard about this book for years and finally decided to read it for myself. I learned a little more about myself which is always helpful. What I appreciated most is that the author has been married to one wife for many many years. He actually might be an expert.
hmgelo02's review
4.0
This is the first book by [a:Gary Chapman|622|Gary Chapman|http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1224779300p2/622.jpg] that explains this concept. He explains in this book how all people express and feel love in one of five ways: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch. In this book, he shows couples how to determine what their primary love languages are, and then gives examples of how to express love in those ways to further enrich and deepen the romantic relationship in a loving romantic relationship.
My husband and I both read this book and took the quizzes in the back to determine our love languages; we learned that his primary love language is Physical Touch (which was no surprise to either of us), and that mine... is nearly evenly split among all the others, but did not include Touch. So he and I have been working together to try to meet those love languages. Some days it's harder than others to remember to do so, but when we do, we find that we're better able to let the little things slide. Because we know that we love each other, and we know that we're communicating that effectively.
I would recommend this book to any romantically devoted couple who is looking to further build upon and strengthen their relationship. Although it is geared toward married couples, its principles certainly work for any couple at all.
My husband and I both read this book and took the quizzes in the back to determine our love languages; we learned that his primary love language is Physical Touch (which was no surprise to either of us), and that mine... is nearly evenly split among all the others, but did not include Touch. So he and I have been working together to try to meet those love languages. Some days it's harder than others to remember to do so, but when we do, we find that we're better able to let the little things slide. Because we know that we love each other, and we know that we're communicating that effectively.
I would recommend this book to any romantically devoted couple who is looking to further build upon and strengthen their relationship. Although it is geared toward married couples, its principles certainly work for any couple at all.
lauramitche11's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
rachylynn's review
4.0
Really enjoyed this book. Some of the strategies Chapman suggests are a little simplistic or silly sounding, but the basic idea of everyone needing to be shown love in a way they understand us excellent. Plus, it gives some great practical ideas for expressing love to your spouse.