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I am recommending this book to so many people. Truly excellent, with evidence-based research, a whole lot of common sense and love that is so obvious throughout. This book needed to be out.
This was a fantastic, eye opening read. Highly recommend for anyone who has young girls in their life!
The message gets five stars. This is a necessary correction of some really warped teaching in modern evangelicalism. We need a whole lot more of this.
The writing style is not as strong. The book tries to split the difference between being a scholarly text and a popular one, and it's not entirely successful at either.
As a work of sociology, this really should just have been a journal article- and gone through those processes of editing and peer review. (Indeed, the authors' engagement around the book has included insisting on their status as academics, including claims to be "peer-reviewed authors", which... is not a thing?)
The most useful aspect of the book is the mother-daughter conversation guides at the end of each chapter. They're worth the purchase price all by themselves.
The text is notably light in its engagement with its topics theologically- fair, because that's not what it's trying to accomplish. If that's the book you're shopping for, I'd recommend Worthy by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher instead.
The writing style is not as strong. The book tries to split the difference between being a scholarly text and a popular one, and it's not entirely successful at either.
As a work of sociology, this really should just have been a journal article- and gone through those processes of editing and peer review. (Indeed, the authors' engagement around the book has included insisting on their status as academics, including claims to be "peer-reviewed authors", which... is not a thing?)
The most useful aspect of the book is the mother-daughter conversation guides at the end of each chapter. They're worth the purchase price all by themselves.
The text is notably light in its engagement with its topics theologically- fair, because that's not what it's trying to accomplish. If that's the book you're shopping for, I'd recommend Worthy by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher instead.
emotional
informative
reflective
fast-paced
While I am not the intended audience of this book (at least not yet), I found the research fascinating and very validating of my experience being raised within the purity culture movement. I had to chuckle at all the parts where the author says "these toxic teachings could lead your daughter to leave the church" because that's exactly why I left (or ar least a main reason).
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual assault
Minor: Body shaming, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment
challenging
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
challenging
informative
reflective
informative
fast-paced
I love how the authors pull specific teaching they’ve found by quoting the author. They aren’t generalizing and saying this happens in all churches. They are using real women’s experiences and real resources used by churches and parents.
A couple of the big fallocies that they address that I’ve grown up hearing in the church my WHOLE life.
1. Scientific review proves the male libido and their “visual stimulus” has been very over blown within evangelical teachings on sex. By insisting boys are visual and girls are not is biologically scientifically wrong. Teaching girls they can make grown men sin, we teach them their bodies are inherently sexual. Existing in your body is not a sin. You cannot control other’s thoughts.
2. You might have been taught that women talk more than men. Often with an undertone that women talking is annoyance to men. This is misogyny and a stereotype about women. It is not true. And when we look at actual science behind words and conversation they found men more often interrupt women talking and men talk more in formal spaces.
3. Youth group leaders might tell kids men’s brains are just gross. They think about sex every 3 seconds. Which leads into the modesty talk which is usually mostly directed at young girls. But what the young women hear then is older men, even dads at church, will see you as a stumbling block and are looking at your maturing body. So we teach boys and men they have no control over their brain, but girls have to have every control over their body.
I like that this book addresses the nuances in the modesty discussion. I like that it offers questions for moms and girls at the end of each chapter. It addresses how teaching from people like Elizabeth Elliot and Focus on the Family can sound really christian and wholesome, but can be over spiritualizing dating, dressing, and purity.
A couple of the big fallocies that they address that I’ve grown up hearing in the church my WHOLE life.
1. Scientific review proves the male libido and their “visual stimulus” has been very over blown within evangelical teachings on sex. By insisting boys are visual and girls are not is biologically scientifically wrong. Teaching girls they can make grown men sin, we teach them their bodies are inherently sexual. Existing in your body is not a sin. You cannot control other’s thoughts.
2. You might have been taught that women talk more than men. Often with an undertone that women talking is annoyance to men. This is misogyny and a stereotype about women. It is not true. And when we look at actual science behind words and conversation they found men more often interrupt women talking and men talk more in formal spaces.
3. Youth group leaders might tell kids men’s brains are just gross. They think about sex every 3 seconds. Which leads into the modesty talk which is usually mostly directed at young girls. But what the young women hear then is older men, even dads at church, will see you as a stumbling block and are looking at your maturing body. So we teach boys and men they have no control over their brain, but girls have to have every control over their body.
I like that this book addresses the nuances in the modesty discussion. I like that it offers questions for moms and girls at the end of each chapter. It addresses how teaching from people like Elizabeth Elliot and Focus on the Family can sound really christian and wholesome, but can be over spiritualizing dating, dressing, and purity.
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, the authors for this ARC.
After reading (and then recommending to nearly every married couple I know) Sheila Gregory’s first book “The Great Sex Rescue”, I was very excited for this book and the opportunity to read and review it.
But I wasn’t prepared for how the book would address false teaching I received on emotions, mental health, and even parenting.
At the end of each chapter there’s a mother/daughter section where you can talk through some scenarios and “tricky teaching” together. It’s really nice the authors included it right in the book. And having experienced the harm done by NOT having difficult conversations, this is great way to be led and not do it on your own.
One criticism I have of the book, is that it is only addressed to Moms raising daughters, not parents raising daughters. It puts this onus of parenting on 1 shoulder instead of spread on both parents. Sure I’m usually the one my daughters asks for my pads during her period, but my husband is AWARE of those needs, capable of helping, and my daughter isn’t afraid or embarrassed to ask him for help.
I think the same can be said of these types of conversations, it’s most likely to come from me, but Dad’s should have the same teaching so both parents can be on the same page.
I’d love to see a book written towards teenage boys that THEY deserve better than the assumption that they are sexual predators who can’t be stopped and that this is “every man’s battle”.
The authors have issues with popular evangelical purity culture teachers like Elisabeth Elliot, Dana Gresh, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. They disagree and point out harmful teaching without insulting who they are as humans.
Honestly there are too many quotes that are powerful. If you have a daughter or are around teenagers you should read this book.
After reading (and then recommending to nearly every married couple I know) Sheila Gregory’s first book “The Great Sex Rescue”, I was very excited for this book and the opportunity to read and review it.
But I wasn’t prepared for how the book would address false teaching I received on emotions, mental health, and even parenting.
At the end of each chapter there’s a mother/daughter section where you can talk through some scenarios and “tricky teaching” together. It’s really nice the authors included it right in the book. And having experienced the harm done by NOT having difficult conversations, this is great way to be led and not do it on your own.
One criticism I have of the book, is that it is only addressed to Moms raising daughters, not parents raising daughters. It puts this onus of parenting on 1 shoulder instead of spread on both parents. Sure I’m usually the one my daughters asks for my pads during her period, but my husband is AWARE of those needs, capable of helping, and my daughter isn’t afraid or embarrassed to ask him for help.
I think the same can be said of these types of conversations, it’s most likely to come from me, but Dad’s should have the same teaching so both parents can be on the same page.
I’d love to see a book written towards teenage boys that THEY deserve better than the assumption that they are sexual predators who can’t be stopped and that this is “every man’s battle”.
The authors have issues with popular evangelical purity culture teachers like Elisabeth Elliot, Dana Gresh, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. They disagree and point out harmful teaching without insulting who they are as humans.
Honestly there are too many quotes that are powerful. If you have a daughter or are around teenagers you should read this book.
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced