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3.71 AVERAGE
3.71 AVERAGE
dark
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
sad
fast-paced
I have mixed feelings about this book--there are so many things I loved, and others that weren't for me as a matter of personal preference. I really like Lane Moore as an Internet Person; she's funny, vulnerable, multi-talented, and truly sparkles. I saw her read at the Brooklyn Book Festival one year, and she was so effervescent that I had to put this book on my TBR. Her voice on the page completely captured her essence. There were quite a few truth-bombs that resonated with me a lot, and her openness in sharing all of her emotional and experiential dirty laundry was very brave. I think sometimes the comedic tone gave me some secondhand stress; for me, I think I prefer memoirs with difficult subject matter to read a bit more removed and have more of a narrative structure than a series of conversational essays. But that's just my preference. I think anyone with a difficult family and/or romantic past would feel seen by this book, and that really seems to be the main purpose. Glad I gave this a read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Grief, Gaslighting, Abandonment
Moderate: Biphobia, Bullying, Cursing, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Sexism, Lesbophobia, Toxic friendship
Minor: Adult/minor relationship, Confinement, Drug use, Classism
3.5 Audiobook.
I noticed a lot of reviewers upset/disappointed because they expected a self-help book, so if that's what you want, you aren't going to find it here. Also, if you don't like self-deprecating humor, this book is not for you! I'm a big fan of this type of humor, especially because Lane is an optimist, and optimists deliver this humour best. I think her humor is best related to if you are already familiar with her comedy, or if you listen to the audiobook, which is hilarious, because she is having so much fun making fun of herself, while also keeping it very real.
I related to A LOT of what she had to say about the ways that neglect shapes a child's mind, turning us into adults who have such a difficult time with trust, self-esteem, boundaries, meeting our needs (and asking for them to be met) and feeling safe in the world. She had so much to say about how all this impacts both our ability to have (secure) relationships but also our beliefs around whether or not we deserve to have secure relationships. Not to mention how we self-sabotage connections with secure people and choose, again and again, people like our parents. How hard we have to work, every day, to be "fine" or "ok".
The chapter that talked about holidays was spot on for me, as was "Emergency Contact" and the description of her relationship with her childhood best friend/obsessive friendships in childhood.
The main reason this book didn't get that 4th star is due to how much of it is actually about how to be (or not to be) single. I found myself checking out a bit during these chapters, which just went on and on too much for me.
In the last 30 minutes or so a she asks some big questions about loneliness and finding happiness, about finding intimacy/getting needs met with friends and with oneself. I wanted some discussion around the difference between solitude and loneliness. More on how it's actually better to be alone than with people you dislike, or who treat you poorly. I wanted that last 30 minutes to be a lot more of the book as a whole.
I will recommend this book to people who I know will appreciate the dark humour and will definitely recommend the audiobook to those whom that format is accessible.
I noticed a lot of reviewers upset/disappointed because they expected a self-help book, so if that's what you want, you aren't going to find it here. Also, if you don't like self-deprecating humor, this book is not for you! I'm a big fan of this type of humor, especially because Lane is an optimist, and optimists deliver this humour best. I think her humor is best related to if you are already familiar with her comedy, or if you listen to the audiobook, which is hilarious, because she is having so much fun making fun of herself, while also keeping it very real.
I related to A LOT of what she had to say about the ways that neglect shapes a child's mind, turning us into adults who have such a difficult time with trust, self-esteem, boundaries, meeting our needs (and asking for them to be met) and feeling safe in the world. She had so much to say about how all this impacts both our ability to have (secure) relationships but also our beliefs around whether or not we deserve to have secure relationships. Not to mention how we self-sabotage connections with secure people and choose, again and again, people like our parents. How hard we have to work, every day, to be "fine" or "ok".
The chapter that talked about holidays was spot on for me, as was "Emergency Contact" and the description of her relationship with her childhood best friend/obsessive friendships in childhood.
The main reason this book didn't get that 4th star is due to how much of it is actually about how to be (or not to be) single. I found myself checking out a bit during these chapters, which just went on and on too much for me.
In the last 30 minutes or so a she asks some big questions about loneliness and finding happiness, about finding intimacy/getting needs met with friends and with oneself. I wanted some discussion around the difference between solitude and loneliness. More on how it's actually better to be alone than with people you dislike, or who treat you poorly. I wanted that last 30 minutes to be a lot more of the book as a whole.
I will recommend this book to people who I know will appreciate the dark humour and will definitely recommend the audiobook to those whom that format is accessible.
emotional
funny
hopeful
fast-paced
Cool concept and something I’m looking for, but the writing felt unpolished - kind of like a personal blog. Might be someone else’s cup of tea but not really mine.
if you pick up this book with the intention to find useful tips on how to be alone like me, like physically alone, like how the dictionary would describe it, like “you are the singular being in a space struggling with your inner demons”, then you would be disappointed.
i liked the first part of the book because i can partly relate with what was written. the author was talking about how she lacked the protection, attention, affection and care usually provided by a guardian aka parents during her childhood, thus, she spent most of her teenage life seeking those feelings and validation from romantic relationships with boys. i was like “cool, cool, now let’s move on to the part where these childhood issues follow you into adulthood, forcing you to be alone a lot because it is difficult for you to connect with other human beings and you always seek external validation because you think you are a piece of garbage no one will ever love not that i want to feel better about myself when i know that another person also suffers from the same problems i have no sir just asking for a friend”.
the author mostly spent the rest of the book talking about how she is always, in fact, not alone. throw this girl in a jane austen’s novel and she would THRIVE because damn she’s a socialite. the author wrote about her relationships with different boyfriends/girlfriends, with these cute children she babysits, with her numerous friends and even with random strangers. like she literally just picked up a conversation with a random lady, in a restaurant, and they became friends, just like that, like jesus walking on water. i know it does not seem like a big deal, but as a person who spends most of her time being alone and thus finds it hard to interact with other people, this is EXTREMELY impressive. she did bring up some interesting points that i agree wholeheartedly about the stigma of single people deemed “desperate” when they are actively trying to find love. why are you shaming someone who’s just trying to be happy, like? especially when these comments come from people who are dating/in a relationship. like you got lucky you found someone who can tolerate your annoying ass, now it’s time you shut your face hole and not ruin your good karma by being a dickhead.
in conclusion, the amount of social interactions and interpersonal relationships discussed is just too much for a book named “how to be alone”. i rate this 3/5 stars.
i liked the first part of the book because i can partly relate with what was written. the author was talking about how she lacked the protection, attention, affection and care usually provided by a guardian aka parents during her childhood, thus, she spent most of her teenage life seeking those feelings and validation from romantic relationships with boys. i was like “cool, cool, now let’s move on to the part where these childhood issues follow you into adulthood, forcing you to be alone a lot because it is difficult for you to connect with other human beings and you always seek external validation because you think you are a piece of garbage no one will ever love not that i want to feel better about myself when i know that another person also suffers from the same problems i have no sir just asking for a friend”.
the author mostly spent the rest of the book talking about how she is always, in fact, not alone. throw this girl in a jane austen’s novel and she would THRIVE because damn she’s a socialite. the author wrote about her relationships with different boyfriends/girlfriends, with these cute children she babysits, with her numerous friends and even with random strangers. like she literally just picked up a conversation with a random lady, in a restaurant, and they became friends, just like that, like jesus walking on water. i know it does not seem like a big deal, but as a person who spends most of her time being alone and thus finds it hard to interact with other people, this is EXTREMELY impressive. she did bring up some interesting points that i agree wholeheartedly about the stigma of single people deemed “desperate” when they are actively trying to find love. why are you shaming someone who’s just trying to be happy, like? especially when these comments come from people who are dating/in a relationship. like you got lucky you found someone who can tolerate your annoying ass, now it’s time you shut your face hole and not ruin your good karma by being a dickhead.
in conclusion, the amount of social interactions and interpersonal relationships discussed is just too much for a book named “how to be alone”. i rate this 3/5 stars.
This book has 15 chapters. I only enjoyed two.
A couple of my issues with this book:
1. It feels like this author is whining for 80% of the book.
2.It is hard for me to understand why she stays in relationships that are clearly causing her. (Four years later and I just reread this. I have no idea how this sentence was supposed to end. Oh well...)
I did thoroughly enjoy the chapter on Jim Halpern.
A couple of my issues with this book:
1. It feels like this author is whining for 80% of the book.
2.It is hard for me to understand why she stays in relationships that are clearly causing her. (Four years later and I just reread this. I have no idea how this sentence was supposed to end. Oh well...)
I did thoroughly enjoy the chapter on Jim Halpern.
hopeful
reflective
slow-paced
emotional
funny
reflective
sad
fast-paced