Reviews tagging 'Domestic abuse'

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

30 reviews

scarroll178's review against another edition

informative medium-paced

5.0

I learned so much more about abuse through this book. It was so unbelievably helpful and informative 💗

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Misogyny, Sexual assault, and Domestic abuse

melanieripple's review against another edition

hopeful informative inspiring

5.0

This book is so important. Perfect for survivors (past or present) as well as allies. You don’t even need to read the whole thing - just skip around to whatever applies to your situation. It also has a whole section of resources in the back.

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Stalking, Domestic abuse, Child abuse, Alcoholism, Violence, and Sexual violence

ezulc's review against another edition

dark informative inspiring slow-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, Domestic abuse, and Toxic relationship

jokehelldo's review against another edition

emotional informative reflective slow-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Violence, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Misogyny, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Incest, Gaslighting, Child abuse, Sexual violence, and Rape

Minor: Alcoholism

lottiegasp's review against another edition

challenging emotional informative sad slow-paced

4.75

This book gives insight into the behaviours and thinking of angry, controlling and abusive men. Namely that they have a sense of entitlement and disrespect for their partner and children, and that domestic abuse is not about losing control, or a consequence of mental health issues, substance abuse or trauma. It provides guidance for victims of domestic abuse in understanding their partner, keeping themselves and their children safe, leaving their partner if they want to, and noticing true signs of change. I highly recommend it to anybody to help them become better at understanding abuse, supporting victims and survivors, and working towards a society that does not codify abuse.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Violence, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Murder, and Domestic abuse

Moderate: Sexual assault, Child abuse, Drug use, and Alcoholism

Minor: Ableism

This book details domestic abuse, including emotional and physical violence. There are certain sections that discuss child abuse, substance abuse. The author occasionally uses ableist language (e.g. calling abusers' behaviour crazy or insane, despite asserting that abuse is not a mental health problem)

officialgrittynhl's review against another edition

dark emotional informative reflective sad tense medium-paced

4.75

I think this should be required reading to be honest. Breaks down really clearly the what, how, and why of domestic violence. I don't think people are generally aware that it is a cycle, rather than constant negative interactions. It is a little dated as far as gender and pronouns go but the information is so valuable I don't mind. Deeply helpful tool for recovery I will return to.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse

tacita's review against another edition

hopeful informative sad medium-paced

4.75

While severely biased toward the assumption of male-on-female dynamics, the actual descriptions of abusive behaviors are invaluable and specific. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexism, Toxic relationship, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse

Moderate: Drug abuse, Misogyny, Infidelity, Alcoholism, Stalking, Pregnancy, and Violence

Minor: Incest

random19379's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative medium-paced

5.0

Great book. Only criticism is that he is pro cops.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Toxic relationship, Violence, Domestic abuse, and Sexism

Moderate: Racism

Minor: Ableism

tomato_bisque's review against another edition

informative medium-paced

5.0

Priority reading the girls, gays, and theys. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse and Emotional abuse

This book is considered required reading for a reason. It discusses how abusive men think and gives no excuses for their behavior. It helped me to understand the abuse my family members went through and the mindset of the men that abused them. I plan on getting a physical copy and re-reading.

xwritingstoriesx's review against another edition

emotional informative reflective slow-paced

3.75

3.75 stars.
I have to start this review by acknowledging that the author is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. I hadn't known this prior to purchasing and reading his work but I'm not happy with this information whatsoever. You cannot call yourself a feminist without intersectionality. 

Onto the book itself, I found myself growing frustrated by the consistent message about male abuse and the denial of such happenings. If you are a male abuse victim, you will not feel seen or heard in this book, but rather you will find judgement, scorn and ridicule. In Chapter four, Bancroft writes, "Be particularly careful with a man who claims to have been a victim of physical violence by a previous female partner." 
While I do understand that this has happened enough for it to be mentioned here, I don't think discrediting all claims against a female partner is the right path forward. In Chapter 2, he also writes about the embarrassment a man must feel from being abused by a woman. Obviously, this is a really dangerous sentiment. I wanted to give this man the benefit of the doubt as it was written twenty years ago but with the revelation of transphobia, I can't see him changing.  

Moreover, I found that the book was a bit too long in my opinion and could have forgone the recap sections. I would've been fine with a 200 page book rather than 400 pages of anecdotal evidence mixed in with facts and off-putting opinions. 

With regards to the positive aspects of this book, I did see myself in the examples given and greatly appreciated that they mentioned the court system and its prejudice towards abuse victims. The examples of real life experiences were really insightful and allowed you to draw comparison to your own experiences. Despite all this, I have to rate the book a 3.75 stars, as it didn't quite hit the mark for me.  

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Physical abuse, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, and Cursing