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freddybingsu's review against another edition
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Suicide attempt, Gaslighting, and Alcohol
Minor: Addiction and Fire/Fire injury
123aah456's review
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? N/A
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Drug use, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Toxic relationship, and Trafficking
tbretc's review
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts and Suicide
pradajones's review
2.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Rape, and Religious bigotry
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts and Suicide
Minor: Incest
mangofandango's review
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Loveable characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A
3.0
I have mixed feelings about this one! I signed up for one thing and got sort of another, and I think that was intentional but it was less fun than I imagined it would be. Like, I expected dark, sexy gay thriller, and what it actually is is...dark, grim, sort of mysterious but not quite a thriller, not so much consensually sexy sex but definitely full of many rape scenes, with a main character that seems more like a symbol than an actual character somehow.
I read the discussion guide in the back because I found I finished the book somewhat unclear as to the author's intentions here. Like, it's a story about an ex-evangelical who was forced into conversion therapy, it's got lots of "you deserve this sexual assault, rape and abuse because you're gay" stuff going on because of that, it's trauma after trauma, and the specter of evangelicalism doesn't ever really leave - it gets a kinder re-brand toward the end. So I honestly couldn't tell if this book was operating on stereotypes, playing into some of the poison it represents, or intended to be an exploration of the ways spiritual, sexual, and emotional abuse plays out in these contexts. The author says he was trying to diversify the idea behind #MeToo and bring gay voices and an imperfect victim into it, so it's more the latter, but I didn't find that it was a very strong statement of anything because I couldn't quite tell which side he was on sometimes? Though now that I think about it, it is in some ways a sort of systematic way of telling the story of how someone might fall into an abusive situation, be traumatized, and find potential for healing afterwards.
Overall, I did like the book well enough and feel invested in the story. But I didn't love it. And if...any triggers around spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, rape, false reporting, relationship abuse, isolation etc etc. are an issue for you, I think you should steer clear of this one.
I read the discussion guide in the back because I found I finished the book somewhat unclear as to the author's intentions here. Like, it's a story about an ex-evangelical who was forced into conversion therapy, it's got lots of "you deserve this sexual assault, rape and abuse because you're gay" stuff going on because of that, it's trauma after trauma, and the specter of evangelicalism doesn't ever really leave - it gets a kinder re-brand toward the end. So I honestly couldn't tell if this book was operating on stereotypes, playing into some of the poison it represents, or intended to be an exploration of the ways spiritual, sexual, and emotional abuse plays out in these contexts. The author says he was trying to diversify the idea behind #MeToo and bring gay voices and an imperfect victim into it, so it's more the latter, but I didn't find that it was a very strong statement of anything because I couldn't quite tell which side he was on sometimes? Though now that I think about it, it is in some ways a sort of systematic way of telling the story of how someone might fall into an abusive situation, be traumatized, and find potential for healing afterwards.
Overall, I did like the book well enough and feel invested in the story. But I didn't love it. And if...any triggers around spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, rape, false reporting, relationship abuse, isolation etc etc. are an issue for you, I think you should steer clear of this one.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Drug use, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment
sayitagainjen's review
dark
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Violence
forrestalexander's review against another edition
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Warning: SPOILERS
I have mixed feelings about this book. I didn't know what to expect and I like the concept, but in my opinion, it didn't follow through.
As someone else said, the book is too short to properly address the multitude of issues it presented.
The book touches on:
I have mixed feelings about this book. I didn't know what to expect and I like the concept, but in my opinion, it didn't follow through.
As someone else said, the book is too short to properly address the multitude of issues it presented.
The book touches on:
- a gay main character with unaccepting parents
- religious trauma
- conversion therapy and the resulting trauma
- domestic abuse, toxic and abusive relationships
- manipulation and general abuse
- rape, sexual assault, and casual sexual harassment
- drug abuse
- suicide, suicidal thoughts
& more. There aren't enough pages in the book to have us become invested in the characters and touch on all of the above topics and do them justice - instead, it half touches on all of them and is just busy and feels cluttered. It is trying to do too much at once.
Because it was trying to cram so much into each page, I wasn't invested in the characters and it made me care less about the story overall.
Also, coming from a queer man living in bushwick from somewhat similar circumstances, I hated the main character. He relied on everyone else and did nothing but pity and feel bad for himself instead of trying to do anything to change his life. He was selfish and self-centered, and how he acted in court destroyed the lives of others to the point of no return. How I am supposed to feel any level of empathy for him, or happiness when he finally sort of gets his shit together at the end, is beyond me.
The religious trauma was a bit trite for a gay character, and I understand the second half was supposed to set it apart from other stories with similar themes - but the second half felt forced, strange, and left me weirded out. I am still not sure what the message was supposed to be, it didn't translate.
With all of that being said, I think if a few of the themes were left out and the author focused on one or two things, it could have been great. For that reason, I have no doubt the author has potential - but I hope in his next book, it feels less crammed.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, and Religious bigotry
Moderate: Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Suicide attempt, and Sexual harassment
Minor: Body shaming and Bullying
dalmavatai's review against another edition
Ah I usually don't dnf books this far into them but I'm just really not feeling this one. The idea behind the story is really solid: exploring the power dynamics between wealthy, successful, older gay men and young, aspiring, broke gay men and the exploitation and abuse that can happen within those relationships.
However, I think this book is just poorly executed. The characters and the relationships are not developed well enough for me to believe in them, and the dynamics of an abusive relationship are equally poorly written. It feels like the author read a blog post about Abuse 101 and clumsily inserted every point at random intervals throughout the story. Like, all the dynamics - Jonah gaslighting himself and his experience of abuse, Richard compensating with meaningless shopping sprees after something bad happens - feel disingenuous, insincere; I just wasn't convinced by the author that these characters and relationships are real. They feel very one-dimensional, pawns to illustrate the author's point but lacking in development and depth.
This is really my main issue with the story but I also wanted to mention that of course it's really important to shed light on how old men can coerce younger men into playing out their BDSM fantasies - but BDSM is not inherently abusive. I think Jonah's daddy issues stemming from his homophobic father and wanting to please both him and God in his deeply Christian family is really interesting and will no doubt resonate with a lot of people's experience, but I think it's important to note that wanting to be dominated in sex is not inherently 'pathological', and even if it stems from mommy/daddy issues, it's still a valid sexual preference and people can engage in BDSM and have it be a healthy dynamic (that doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't interrogate cultural trends around daddy issues, but it does mean that we shouldn't pathologize individuals with these sexual preferences because that doesn't help anyone).
Also, if you still want to read this book, please please look into trigger warnings, this book covers very heavy subjects and all the things I listed under 'graphic' content warnings are indeed EXTREMELY graphic.
However, I think this book is just poorly executed. The characters and the relationships are not developed well enough for me to believe in them, and the dynamics of an abusive relationship are equally poorly written. It feels like the author read a blog post about Abuse 101 and clumsily inserted every point at random intervals throughout the story. Like, all the dynamics - Jonah gaslighting himself and his experience of abuse, Richard compensating with meaningless shopping sprees after something bad happens - feel disingenuous, insincere; I just wasn't convinced by the author that these characters and relationships are real. They feel very one-dimensional, pawns to illustrate the author's point but lacking in development and depth.
This is really my main issue with the story but I also wanted to mention that of course it's really important to shed light on how old men can coerce younger men into playing out their BDSM fantasies - but BDSM is not inherently abusive. I think Jonah's daddy issues stemming from his homophobic father and wanting to please both him and God in his deeply Christian family is really interesting and will no doubt resonate with a lot of people's experience, but I think it's important to note that wanting to be dominated in sex is not inherently 'pathological', and even if it stems from mommy/daddy issues, it's still a valid sexual preference and people can engage in BDSM and have it be a healthy dynamic (that doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't interrogate cultural trends around daddy issues, but it does mean that we shouldn't pathologize individuals with these sexual preferences because that doesn't help anyone).
Also, if you still want to read this book, please please look into trigger warnings, this book covers very heavy subjects and all the things I listed under 'graphic' content warnings are indeed EXTREMELY graphic.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Confinement, Drug use, Homophobia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Religious bigotry, Gaslighting, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail
cupofjoe's review
I was listening to the audiobook and the descriptions of the rape and sexual assaults and emotional abuse became too much for me. It is a beautifully written book and I wish I could finish it but I don’t think I can do it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Rape, Sexual assault, and Toxic relationship
julesrsovis's review
challenging
dark
sad
medium-paced
- Loveable characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
1.75
I didn’t expect this book to be so violent. It made it extremely difficult to read at many times.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Homophobia, Physical abuse, Rape, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, and Religious bigotry