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mariewordaddict's review
2.0
I think there were a couple of good insights here but it does seem a bit victim-blamy as guys are basically not responsible for even trying to treat women right unless we "ask" the right way. Having had so many men not comprehend or practice basic empathy... Sorry no I don't think "asking" them the right way would have changed shit. Also I'm pretty sure I tried.
I tried to listen to this via audiobook in the car and Kasia's soft, seductive voice made me sleepy every single time I turned it on. I had to stop listening so I didn't crash my car...and I didn't ever find the time to listen in other contexts because I was annoyed due to the reasons above.
I tried to listen to this via audiobook in the car and Kasia's soft, seductive voice made me sleepy every single time I turned it on. I had to stop listening so I didn't crash my car...and I didn't ever find the time to listen in other contexts because I was annoyed due to the reasons above.
peytiebear's review
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.25
I loved this book and will definitely be rereading it!
aimshea's review
5.0
Whoa. This book.
I'm always hesitant about a book that claims to be a guide to something. We all have different ways we move through the world and the one-size-fits-all approach doesn't appeal to me. But Urbaniak isn't trying to make women feel like that have to fit into a man's world or relinquish any of their femininity. In fact, she is simply trying to help women dig into what they truly want and understand that they don't have to feel guilty for wanting it. Beyond that, she gives strategic ways women can ask for what they want. She reminds us that there is power in begging and demanding. The techniques in this book are wild and I can see where some may say they are over the top but I think Urbaniak just wants women to understand the spectrum of our emotions. Feel the tug between empathy and rage, two words not normally put together but describe what it feels like to navigate this world at times.
I'm always hesitant about a book that claims to be a guide to something. We all have different ways we move through the world and the one-size-fits-all approach doesn't appeal to me. But Urbaniak isn't trying to make women feel like that have to fit into a man's world or relinquish any of their femininity. In fact, she is simply trying to help women dig into what they truly want and understand that they don't have to feel guilty for wanting it. Beyond that, she gives strategic ways women can ask for what they want. She reminds us that there is power in begging and demanding. The techniques in this book are wild and I can see where some may say they are over the top but I think Urbaniak just wants women to understand the spectrum of our emotions. Feel the tug between empathy and rage, two words not normally put together but describe what it feels like to navigate this world at times.
oliv2503's review
adventurous
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
I will recommend this book to every woman. It is so helpful.
otterbekathryn's review against another edition
4.5
4.5 Stars
I loved the advice in this book - I felt like it diagnosed the problem but also proposed solutions. I listened as an audiobook which was wonderful as I got to hear the tone of voice the author meant for her words to be read in. I would recommend this book to anyone tired of run of the mill self help books but who wants to learn to step into her power.
I loved the advice in this book - I felt like it diagnosed the problem but also proposed solutions. I listened as an audiobook which was wonderful as I got to hear the tone of voice the author meant for her words to be read in. I would recommend this book to anyone tired of run of the mill self help books but who wants to learn to step into her power.
sselz's review
5.0
Amazing book! I plan to continuously read this one so I can soak up as much of it as possible over time!
i_read_big_boucs's review
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
mysterious
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
4.5
I honestly had such a great time reading this book. I wouldn't take everything she says to be the ultimate truth but reading this and doing the exercises was definitely inspiring. A lot of the advice reminds me of nonviolent communication.
What I liked:
- I relate to and like the idea that you can focus all you want on saying the right words, actually nonverbal communication plays a big role in how you're heard.
- I thought the concept of attention in/attention out and congruence was interesting (though without testing it it feels a bit abstract). I did notice that pushing my attention out in daily life gave me a different outlook and feel on life than I usually do and that accidentally, it's a great strategy for ignoring insecure thoughts. I was familiar with the idea of going inwards and feeling into my desires and stuff, but not of looking outward consciously. I've started paying more conscious attention to observing people's body language, and I love the idea of noticing more consciously whether they recoil or open up when I want to know how they feel about our interactions rather than turning inwards with my own thought about it. This book also made me feel more comfortable with acting in a dominant way because it associated it with the idea of making other people feel relaxed and inspired and held energetically, rather than attacked. Anyway, I think my confidence and playfulness rose while reading this book.
- the exercises described seemed like SO much fun and everything was wild. I loved Things unsaid, the Bad girl protocol. I'm also interested in trying out more of the Legitimacy exercise and the exercise where you think of what you could request from each person in your life. I feel too shy to try anything like an Outrageous ask in real life, but I'd love to role play it in an exercise.
- I really loved what the author said about making Outrageous requests, that it is not burdening others but giving them a positive in your life. I will definitely also try telling people why I think they're the person for the job.
- Some truth bombs from the book for me were: many women specialise in giving what they want to receive, but this fails because it doesn't always trigger reciprocity but complementarity (ouch, too real), the Independent WomanTM as a response to the Good girl conditioning which leads to asking no one to take care of you because you see yourself as strong (ouch)
- I want to try practicing Frames a bit more
- I liked the idea of "locating" the other person. I already did that, but I didn't have a name for it, and I didn't think of doing it in the context of someone saying something outrageous to me. I would need to do the practice exercises with other people, but the "turning the spotlight" exercise also seems powerful, e.g. It seems like you're saying X, is that correct?
What I didn't like so much:
- I think that the book could include more examples of moments where the strategies failed (I find it hard to imagine that all outrageous asks work)
- I like the idea of celebrating hearing "no's" and getting to play there, but I really worry that in a society where people find no hard to say (especially women) this can be harmful.
- I don't really believe profoundly in the association of dominance and submissiveness with attention in or out or that it's bad to have mixed states of attention. I also find the book doesn't separate attention and awareness, so is it really about awareness or attention?
What I liked:
- I relate to and like the idea that you can focus all you want on saying the right words, actually nonverbal communication plays a big role in how you're heard.
- I thought the concept of attention in/attention out and congruence was interesting (though without testing it it feels a bit abstract). I did notice that pushing my attention out in daily life gave me a different outlook and feel on life than I usually do and that accidentally, it's a great strategy for ignoring insecure thoughts. I was familiar with the idea of going inwards and feeling into my desires and stuff, but not of looking outward consciously. I've started paying more conscious attention to observing people's body language, and I love the idea of noticing more consciously whether they recoil or open up when I want to know how they feel about our interactions rather than turning inwards with my own thought about it. This book also made me feel more comfortable with acting in a dominant way because it associated it with the idea of making other people feel relaxed and inspired and held energetically, rather than attacked. Anyway, I think my confidence and playfulness rose while reading this book.
- the exercises described seemed like SO much fun and everything was wild. I loved Things unsaid, the Bad girl protocol. I'm also interested in trying out more of the Legitimacy exercise and the exercise where you think of what you could request from each person in your life. I feel too shy to try anything like an Outrageous ask in real life, but I'd love to role play it in an exercise.
- I really loved what the author said about making Outrageous requests, that it is not burdening others but giving them a positive in your life. I will definitely also try telling people why I think they're the person for the job.
- Some truth bombs from the book for me were: many women specialise in giving what they want to receive, but this fails because it doesn't always trigger reciprocity but complementarity (ouch, too real), the Independent WomanTM as a response to the Good girl conditioning which leads to asking no one to take care of you because you see yourself as strong (ouch)
- I want to try practicing Frames a bit more
- I liked the idea of "locating" the other person. I already did that, but I didn't have a name for it, and I didn't think of doing it in the context of someone saying something outrageous to me. I would need to do the practice exercises with other people, but the "turning the spotlight" exercise also seems powerful, e.g. It seems like you're saying X, is that correct?
What I didn't like so much:
- I think that the book could include more examples of moments where the strategies failed (I find it hard to imagine that all outrageous asks work)
- I like the idea of celebrating hearing "no's" and getting to play there, but I really worry that in a society where people find no hard to say (especially women) this can be harmful.
- I don't really believe profoundly in the association of dominance and submissiveness with attention in or out or that it's bad to have mixed states of attention. I also find the book doesn't separate attention and awareness, so is it really about awareness or attention?
jaymeworden's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
3.75