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miskozverys's review
4.0
If you've ever needed a textbook for understanding what is happening between the lines - this book is for that. I wish I had this before I've started out in the corporate world. Some awkward silences where I dig my brain for something to say to successfully participate in casual conversation could have been avoided.
It doesn't matter if you have ASD brain or not.
It doesn't matter if you have ASD brain or not.
audhdylan's review
3.0
What to say next... So that you're less of a nuisance to those around you?
This is a good resource, and I saw myself in a lot of the stories shared. The issue I have is that the book emphasizes a bunch of work autistic people need to do in order to be less of a bother to others. We wouldn't want to impose on an allistic person's existence by asking them to modify their behavior or communication. No, we carry all of that weight.
There's hardly a single true reference to advocating for your needs or demanding accessibility, just a guide for being meek and changing everything about yourself and your personality to accommodate people who don't make any effort to accommodate us.
I recognize that we're far from a world in which accessibility and nueroinclusivity are the norm. The bar is beneath the floor.
And yes, we will always have work to do to grow and improve our own lives as individuals. But does society not owe us ANY amount of effort? This book is like Masking 101, selling the reader on a coping mechanism many of us feel happier not doing.
Too many of the stories in this book went as far as explaining how someone's ignorance or disregard for the author's experience made her feel bad, defeated... she's ruminating and internalizing... Only to suggest ways to analyze and pick apart an allistic person's behavior and make endless mental notes for how to accommodate THEM in the future.
I wish we could have both conversations, but as someone who figured things out in his 30s, I already have to work hard to not harbor resentment for the many, many people who made my life harder or refused to see what I needed growing up. I have little energy anymore for bending over backwards to make allistic people feel better about themselves, running down my own battery doing it.
This is a good resource, and I saw myself in a lot of the stories shared. The issue I have is that the book emphasizes a bunch of work autistic people need to do in order to be less of a bother to others. We wouldn't want to impose on an allistic person's existence by asking them to modify their behavior or communication. No, we carry all of that weight.
There's hardly a single true reference to advocating for your needs or demanding accessibility, just a guide for being meek and changing everything about yourself and your personality to accommodate people who don't make any effort to accommodate us.
I recognize that we're far from a world in which accessibility and nueroinclusivity are the norm. The bar is beneath the floor.
And yes, we will always have work to do to grow and improve our own lives as individuals. But does society not owe us ANY amount of effort? This book is like Masking 101, selling the reader on a coping mechanism many of us feel happier not doing.
Too many of the stories in this book went as far as explaining how someone's ignorance or disregard for the author's experience made her feel bad, defeated... she's ruminating and internalizing... Only to suggest ways to analyze and pick apart an allistic person's behavior and make endless mental notes for how to accommodate THEM in the future.
I wish we could have both conversations, but as someone who figured things out in his 30s, I already have to work hard to not harbor resentment for the many, many people who made my life harder or refused to see what I needed growing up. I have little energy anymore for bending over backwards to make allistic people feel better about themselves, running down my own battery doing it.
mrsdragon's review against another edition
4.0
This book was like several wrapped into one.
The business advice...probably most useful for new grads, or those still flummoxed by work place social expectations. Things like breaking down the power dynamics in your management chain and how to maintain control in meetings. Not super relevant to me at the moment, but full of useful advice.
The relationship advice...Nannery says most of her advice comes from another book, which is sadly not available as an audiobook but I'm gunna need to read it stat because this section was extremely relatable.
The parenting advice...I have some quibbles here...Nannery discusses "natural consequences" several times, but what she describes are not natural, they are still adult imposed. Logical consequences, not natural. Her advice is more humane than many parenting approaches out there but is still painfully rooted in behavioralism. Setting that aside, her larger arguments are sound and compassionate (meet kids where they are, have realistic expectations, set them up for success, take them seriously, understand that it's "can't" not "won't").
I really enjoyed her writing. Her examples are specific and detailed, direct and factual. No vague handwaving leaving you to guess wtaf she is nattering on about. The asides from her husband were charming and showed a deep empathy for and appreciation of his wife that was sweet to read.
Enjoyable and well worth the read.
The business advice...probably most useful for new grads, or those still flummoxed by work place social expectations. Things like breaking down the power dynamics in your management chain and how to maintain control in meetings. Not super relevant to me at the moment, but full of useful advice.
The relationship advice...Nannery says most of her advice comes from another book, which is sadly not available as an audiobook but I'm gunna need to read it stat because this section was extremely relatable.
The parenting advice...I have some quibbles here...Nannery discusses "natural consequences" several times, but what she describes are not natural, they are still adult imposed. Logical consequences, not natural. Her advice is more humane than many parenting approaches out there but is still painfully rooted in behavioralism. Setting that aside, her larger arguments are sound and compassionate (meet kids where they are, have realistic expectations, set them up for success, take them seriously, understand that it's "can't" not "won't").
I really enjoyed her writing. Her examples are specific and detailed, direct and factual. No vague handwaving leaving you to guess wtaf she is nattering on about. The asides from her husband were charming and showed a deep empathy for and appreciation of his wife that was sweet to read.
Enjoyable and well worth the read.
bailey_the_bookworm's review against another edition
informative
slow-paced
2.5
Petty stuff first: Cache and cachet mean different things (“social cache” is not a thing; “social cachet” is). Discrete and discreet also mean different things. There are so many small but distracting errors like this throughout the book, along with the weird formatting of every recreated text/IM exchange.
On a more serious level, the first big red flag for me was when the author wrote “I have Asperger’s” in a book published in 2021. No, you don’t. Hans Asperger was a Nazi, and that diagnostic term was removed from the DSM in 2013. To still claim the label eight years later means you’re either dangerously out of touch or have a lot of internalized ableism (or both!).
And that leads into my next major issue: the use of person-first language, but just for autistic people. It’s always “people with autism,” “people who have autism,” etc.—but simultaneously “neurotypical people.” Allistics get the identity-first language, but autistic people don’t? Autism isn’t an appendage (or a disease). I don’t have autism, I am autistic. Using person-first language is a choice, but it’s incredibly cringe, especially when everyone else gets identity-first description.
Finally, the actual advice. Look, I get that this is a book about communication tips for surviving in a neurotypical world, but my god. Every chapter is like “Here’s how to contort yourself to meet neurotypical expectations while getting almost no understanding or accommodation in return, except maybe sometimes from your partner.” It all sounds so incredibly cognitively demanding—how are you spending all that time doing so much planning and scripting and also…functioning? Not burning out on the reg? Why is so much of the advice about serving neurotypical communication styles and not about how to meet in the middle or get autistic communication needs met?
The focus on corporate communication is also going to be all but useless for large numbers of autistic people, many of whom aren’t employed full-time in office settings. It’s useful in its way, but some acknowledgement of the reality of employment for autistic folk would have been…nice.
There is some genuinely useful stuff here, but you have to wade through so much garbage to get there.
On a more serious level, the first big red flag for me was when the author wrote “I have Asperger’s” in a book published in 2021. No, you don’t. Hans Asperger was a Nazi, and that diagnostic term was removed from the DSM in 2013. To still claim the label eight years later means you’re either dangerously out of touch or have a lot of internalized ableism (or both!).
And that leads into my next major issue: the use of person-first language, but just for autistic people. It’s always “people with autism,” “people who have autism,” etc.—but simultaneously “neurotypical people.” Allistics get the identity-first language, but autistic people don’t? Autism isn’t an appendage (or a disease). I don’t have autism, I am autistic. Using person-first language is a choice, but it’s incredibly cringe, especially when everyone else gets identity-first description.
Finally, the actual advice. Look, I get that this is a book about communication tips for surviving in a neurotypical world, but my god. Every chapter is like “Here’s how to contort yourself to meet neurotypical expectations while getting almost no understanding or accommodation in return, except maybe sometimes from your partner.” It all sounds so incredibly cognitively demanding—how are you spending all that time doing so much planning and scripting and also…functioning? Not burning out on the reg? Why is so much of the advice about serving neurotypical communication styles and not about how to meet in the middle or get autistic communication needs met?
The focus on corporate communication is also going to be all but useless for large numbers of autistic people, many of whom aren’t employed full-time in office settings. It’s useful in its way, but some acknowledgement of the reality of employment for autistic folk would have been…nice.
There is some genuinely useful stuff here, but you have to wade through so much garbage to get there.
alexiscole's review against another edition
4.0
Wow wow wow, seeing A LOT of myself in this book. I suspect I may be on the autism spectrum and this book really helped me see and understand myself better while also giving some good reframing strategies for interacting with the NT world.
Lost one star because I did not like the author's parenting approaches so the parenting sections did not work for me.
Lost one star because I did not like the author's parenting approaches so the parenting sections did not work for me.