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4.04 AVERAGE
4.04 AVERAGE
THIS IS WHY I AM A FEMINIST!!!
I was yelling at 45 pages in. I was pissed off at 90 pages in because I spent so much time, energy, and money in my teens and 20s trying to please a bunch of boys instead of working on myself, my career, and my friends. I should have been working on bettering myself instead of worrying about how I appeared to the boys (note: I'm not saying men for a reason.) I am 31 and still pissed off at myself for falling for the double standards. I let the patriarchal and misogynistic world set up my ideals.
No. More.
I was yelling at 45 pages in. I was pissed off at 90 pages in because I spent so much time, energy, and money in my teens and 20s trying to please a bunch of boys instead of working on myself, my career, and my friends. I should have been working on bettering myself instead of worrying about how I appeared to the boys (note: I'm not saying men for a reason.) I am 31 and still pissed off at myself for falling for the double standards. I let the patriarchal and misogynistic world set up my ideals.
No. More.
I read this book to sprinkle in some non-fiction in my monthly reading lineup. I enjoyed this book, but I think it would be more beneficial for mothers or motherly figures for adolescent girls. I did skim through a couple chapters, but it was interesting to read about statistics on college campuses (since ursinus is a little different from the big 10 lol). I was intrigued at how willingly the girls she interviewed were to telling their stories, that takes a lot of courage, and that cannot go unnoticed. Some of the big topics she discussed did not surprise me though, and made me sad :(
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
A good journalistic book. My therapist recommended it to me in regards to me struggling with relationships.
Wow! This eye-opening, often appalling, book is a must-read by parents, especially parents of pre-teen and teen girls, but also parents of pre-teen and teen boys. In this latest excellent work by Peggy Orenstein, we learn about what's REALLY going on between teens, and it isn't pretty (yes, there's some inclusion of gay and trans youth, but mostly this book is about straight kids).
Without going into too much detail (Orenstein goes into plenty of that!) I'll just say that I think the biggest takeaway for me is the utter lack of knowledge about their own bodies today's teenage girls have. And that both girls and boys are relying on internet porn (!!!) to teach them about pleasure in addition to how they should look and act. Obviously a big mistake. We owe it to them to have discussions about these subjects beyond the birds and the bees and how to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
A MUST READ by all parents.
Without going into too much detail (Orenstein goes into plenty of that!) I'll just say that I think the biggest takeaway for me is the utter lack of knowledge about their own bodies today's teenage girls have. And that both girls and boys are relying on internet porn (!!!) to teach them about pleasure in addition to how they should look and act. Obviously a big mistake. We owe it to them to have discussions about these subjects beyond the birds and the bees and how to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
A MUST READ by all parents.
I highly recommend this book. I buying a copy for my daughter and then I’m on to reading Boys and Sex.
Terrifying look at teenagers, sex with today's technology. Made me really think how I'll speak to both my Son and Daughter about their body and sex.
Although well written, this book did not discuss the topics I was interested in when I read the overview. If you are confused about what "consent" means, save yourself the time and watch the following video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
If you're uncomfortable talking to young people about consent, have them watch the video.
If you want to read numerous examples of young women being treated like fast food, read this book. The women that were interviewed talk of leading double lives, they are intelligent, independent women, the filet mignons of selection and then on the weekend, grind themselves us and become sale ground beef. Why do they do this? So that they aren't alone and that they get to go to parties. I was hoping that the interviews would go further into why these ladies are so afraid of being alone or afraid of making friends that have interests outside of the party scene, but it didn't, the interviews led into discussions of these women doing things to make other people happy or feel good. That is the main point of this book, these women are sacrificing themselves in order to make someone else feel good which is why they get coerced into sex that they are just doing instead of having. How sad. In the worst cases, this perpetual doing has led them to really bad situations in which their doing was taken advantage of, they were, in fact, raped. Even more sad.
The fact is that young women are now supposed to be sexually free, but young men are STILL NOT TAUGHT TO RESPECT WOMEN. From the tugging of pony tails, to the teasing on the playground, to the threats in highschool (do it and I won't tell everyone you are slut) to the "you did it last weekend so why not tonight?" guilt trips, young men are not taught to respect women.
Two stars for this book because it over promised and under delivered on certain topics like rape culture and the double standard of boundaries that we teach young girls, but overall, three stars for openly discussing the dehumanizing acts that young people engage in ALL THE TIME. Hopefully, something will change in how young people learn about sex, something that will teach both girls and boys that it is natural, they are going to want to do it, and that it can be fun, enjoyable, and safe without anyone feeling regret afterward. Alas, not all minds are progressive so girls that "do it" will still be considered unvirtuous and boys that "do it" will still be considered kings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
If you're uncomfortable talking to young people about consent, have them watch the video.
If you want to read numerous examples of young women being treated like fast food, read this book. The women that were interviewed talk of leading double lives, they are intelligent, independent women, the filet mignons of selection and then on the weekend, grind themselves us and become sale ground beef. Why do they do this? So that they aren't alone and that they get to go to parties. I was hoping that the interviews would go further into why these ladies are so afraid of being alone or afraid of making friends that have interests outside of the party scene, but it didn't, the interviews led into discussions of these women doing things to make other people happy or feel good. That is the main point of this book, these women are sacrificing themselves in order to make someone else feel good which is why they get coerced into sex that they are just doing instead of having. How sad. In the worst cases, this perpetual doing has led them to really bad situations in which their doing was taken advantage of, they were, in fact, raped. Even more sad.
The fact is that young women are now supposed to be sexually free, but young men are STILL NOT TAUGHT TO RESPECT WOMEN. From the tugging of pony tails, to the teasing on the playground, to the threats in highschool (do it and I won't tell everyone you are slut) to the "you did it last weekend so why not tonight?" guilt trips, young men are not taught to respect women.
Two stars for this book because it over promised and under delivered on certain topics like rape culture and the double standard of boundaries that we teach young girls, but overall, three stars for openly discussing the dehumanizing acts that young people engage in ALL THE TIME. Hopefully, something will change in how young people learn about sex, something that will teach both girls and boys that it is natural, they are going to want to do it, and that it can be fun, enjoyable, and safe without anyone feeling regret afterward. Alas, not all minds are progressive so girls that "do it" will still be considered unvirtuous and boys that "do it" will still be considered kings.
TW: Since it was written a few years ago, it doesn’t give trigger warnings for r*pe and s*xual abuse/violence. But it’s a common theme throughout the book so maybe I should have expected that. The content is very good and important. She covers so many things that would have helped me as a teenage girl and discusses shared experiences that I assumed only happened to me. Overall, great book, just need to take breaks due to the heavy topics.
I'm not a parent yet, but I hope when I become one, I remember this book. If you are a parent, I recommend you read this book. This book made me feel at alternating times surprised, hurt, shocked, sad, hopeful, disgusted. I even laughed out loud a few times (Orenstein talked to one girl who considered herself asexual and commented, "I felt like I was talking to a lifelong vegan for a book on the joys of eating meat"). I read passages out loud to my husband. I read this book quickly, but I would never call it an easy read.
Orenstein tackles many topics surrounding teenage sexuality: abstinence, the connections with alcohol, slut shaming, increasing prevalence of oral or anal sex among teens, homosexuality, plastic surgery, hookup culture, rape, the list goes on. The author mixes study results with life events from 70 high school and college age girls to great affect. A theme emerges: each girl balancing their sexuality and modesty. Hook up just enough to not be a prude but not too much to become a slut. Very few of the stories have what a parent would classify as a good outcome. Orenstein uncovered more than one probable sexual assault. Most women will see themselves in one of the many recounted situations. I did not agree with some of her points, but I do empathize with many. At the very least every point is enlightening and there are many aspects I will be mulling over.
Ultimately, I think this book is convicting. Armed with studies, numbers, techniques that worked and programs that did not, I want to help the girls in my life. As a Christian, many of the stories she recounts just hurt my heart. I want the church to talk more about this subject, to give the young people who walk through its doors answers, grace, and maybe a bit of truth about real life instead of a broken record. How would things change if the Christian community got past "wait until marriage." At the very least parents and children talking about sex and sexuality more than they do now would be a good start. Be brave and talk about these things people! The safety and happiness of young men and women everywhere are at stake.
Orenstein tackles many topics surrounding teenage sexuality: abstinence, the connections with alcohol, slut shaming, increasing prevalence of oral or anal sex among teens, homosexuality, plastic surgery, hookup culture, rape, the list goes on. The author mixes study results with life events from 70 high school and college age girls to great affect. A theme emerges: each girl balancing their sexuality and modesty. Hook up just enough to not be a prude but not too much to become a slut. Very few of the stories have what a parent would classify as a good outcome. Orenstein uncovered more than one probable sexual assault. Most women will see themselves in one of the many recounted situations. I did not agree with some of her points, but I do empathize with many. At the very least every point is enlightening and there are many aspects I will be mulling over.
Ultimately, I think this book is convicting. Armed with studies, numbers, techniques that worked and programs that did not, I want to help the girls in my life. As a Christian, many of the stories she recounts just hurt my heart. I want the church to talk more about this subject, to give the young people who walk through its doors answers, grace, and maybe a bit of truth about real life instead of a broken record. How would things change if the Christian community got past "wait until marriage." At the very least parents and children talking about sex and sexuality more than they do now would be a good start. Be brave and talk about these things people! The safety and happiness of young men and women everywhere are at stake.