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4.15 AVERAGE
4.15 AVERAGE
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
Read for book club. This is not the book on boundaries I would recommend to others. I’d send people to Nedra Tawwab instead.
While the author gives mention to privilege and oppression, it’s very clear it’s surface level because if you also look at her social media feed and consider the fact that she cites no one of real consequence on the subjects in any of her book, it’s performative at best. She’s classic rich white woman Instagram and I’m not here for it.
I think for people who are brand new to setting boundaries, the scripts are helpful and the red, yellow, green strategy is a tangible way to approach them.
However, the green scripts are clear but not necessarily “kind” as she quotes often from Brene Brown. She offers no consideration for the other person’s feelings or perspective and never considers self reflection from the end of the person setting the boundaries which DOES come across as selfish.
That being said, I still had moments of reflection that were helpful and came away with some new thoughts but only because I have additional better background. So I wouldn’t say don’t read this book but PLEASE, don’t let it be the ONLY book on the subject you read.
While the author gives mention to privilege and oppression, it’s very clear it’s surface level because if you also look at her social media feed and consider the fact that she cites no one of real consequence on the subjects in any of her book, it’s performative at best. She’s classic rich white woman Instagram and I’m not here for it.
I think for people who are brand new to setting boundaries, the scripts are helpful and the red, yellow, green strategy is a tangible way to approach them.
However, the green scripts are clear but not necessarily “kind” as she quotes often from Brene Brown. She offers no consideration for the other person’s feelings or perspective and never considers self reflection from the end of the person setting the boundaries which DOES come across as selfish.
That being said, I still had moments of reflection that were helpful and came away with some new thoughts but only because I have additional better background. So I wouldn’t say don’t read this book but PLEASE, don’t let it be the ONLY book on the subject you read.
fast-paced
While reading, I gradually realized that much of the research and presented advice is largely derived from others’ work. The author cites others’ ideas so frequently it felt like I was reading a summary of someone’s internet research, with the original thinking mostly missing. I found some tips helpful but will seek out a different resource about this topic in the future.
I wanted to explore some more language and insights around boundaries I might be missing in my own life. I appreciated the author's acknowledgment of privileged, and the examples of language to use when setting a boundary. I was disappointed with the langue of blame, "you're letting (anxiety, worry, them) take your (peace, time, energy)." It's not that people allow these things to happen - they don't "let" them; these things happen because people don't (yet) know there's an alternative - and they don't know how that alternative looks, sounds and feels. Overall, it's a helpful book for identifying new ways to see our own needs, with helpful language around how to speak our limits in relationally safe ways.
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I think the authors suggestions are insightful and useful
I was initially leery about this because the author is "just a person" drawing on her own life experiences with boundaries instead of a person with a degree drawing on what they have read about boundaries. But I have to say, having read such books back to back, this one is the clear and obvious winner.
There is a lot of wisdom here, and it is refreshingly free of sanitized, generic sound bites. The scripts are very specific to situations but still worth a read, and good models to reflect on. This is the most effective explanation of the kindness and right to self-preservation that ought to belie personal boundaries, which I think is critically needed in a misogynist, capitalist culture that benefits from women believing that we "owe" others what they want, when they want it, on their terms - or else be labelled a difficult bitch.
A highlight for me was the time she spends discussing how to proactively identify WHEN you need a boundary. Mine usually dissolve when I most need them. I don't know why but my brain felt such happiness and shock to register that I can just tell people, "Wow, I'm not going to answer that question." I'm going to tell so many strangers that starting today.
There is a lot of wisdom here, and it is refreshingly free of sanitized, generic sound bites. The scripts are very specific to situations but still worth a read, and good models to reflect on. This is the most effective explanation of the kindness and right to self-preservation that ought to belie personal boundaries, which I think is critically needed in a misogynist, capitalist culture that benefits from women believing that we "owe" others what they want, when they want it, on their terms - or else be labelled a difficult bitch.
A highlight for me was the time she spends discussing how to proactively identify WHEN you need a boundary. Mine usually dissolve when I most need them. I don't know why but my brain felt such happiness and shock to register that I can just tell people, "Wow, I'm not going to answer that question." I'm going to tell so many strangers that starting today.
Lots of good gems in this one and I enjoyed all the scripts for different situations.
This book is an excellent desk reference for setting boundaries! The scripts are practical, clear, and often kind.
Perhaps it could’ve been shorter, but I appreciate it for what it is. Even the sections that didn’t apply to me (such as parenting and substance abuse recovery) demonstrated the kind of language will get your message across.
Reading all of the scripts helps to reinforce that boundary verbiage, which takes time and practice to integrate. :-)
Wish me luck!
Perhaps it could’ve been shorter, but I appreciate it for what it is. Even the sections that didn’t apply to me (such as parenting and substance abuse recovery) demonstrated the kind of language will get your message across.
Reading all of the scripts helps to reinforce that boundary verbiage, which takes time and practice to integrate. :-)
Wish me luck!
The scripts in this book are extremely useful. I thought I had a lock on boundaries thanks to Dr. Cloud, but this text convicted and unsettled me (in a good way that indicated necessary reflection and growth). Lots of practical takeaways.