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What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry, Oprah Winfrey
35 reviews
sakisreads's review against another edition
challenging
informative
sad
slow-paced
4.5
Wow! What a book! Oprah and Dr. Perry’s conversations are intense but iconic; there was so much to digest and take in. Two parts struck out to me in particular (the latter being because I’m taking a flight later on today)! 😳 ‘Crimes involving a Black suspect and a white victim make up only 10% of all crimes - but they account for 42% of what’s reported on television. When you’re watching the news and almost half of what you see is Black people committing crimes against white people, that’s going to influence the way you think when you see a Black person.’ ‘Many people have had the experience of feeling ‘exhausted’ after a day of travel, even if all they did was stand in a few lines and sit on a plane. This happens because your brain was continuously monitoring thousands of new stimuli. Remember: Activating your stress-response systems, even at a moderate level, for long periods of time is physically and emotionally draining.’
I do think the audio version may be slightly better for this book, only because it is so conversational and slightly clunky in written form because of that, but it was still very beautiful. I don’t feel that I could take it all in at once so I am definitely going to try and get an audio edition ✨
Thank you! 🥰
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Mass/school shootings, Addiction, Bullying, Chronic illness, Colonisation, Death, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Forced institutionalization, Hate crime, Medical trauma, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Police brutality, Racism, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Violence, and War
erynpaige's review against another edition
dark
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Child abuse, Sexual assault, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Death of parent, Self harm, Abandonment, Grief, and Mental illness
kelly_e's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
Title: What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
Author: Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Genre: Non Fiction Psychology
Rating: 4.25
Pub Date: April 27 2021
T H R E E • W O R D S
Fascinating • Liberating • Meaningful
📖 S Y N O P S I S
Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” An important book about understanding people, behavior, and ourselves as it relates to traumatic experiences.
💭 T H O U G H T S
I am so glad I picked this up on a whim, as it's one of those books I didn't know I needed! It approaches trauma in a much more human way, as opposed to the more clinical perspective found in many self-help and psychology books. It is as helpful as it is informative, and in the process shifting our approach and mentality towards trauma. It puts forth the idea that practitioners, parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, etc. need to provide trauma informed care on a person by person basis. It showcases how trauma changes a person at their core, not just mentally and emotionally but physically. It gave me so much to think about and reflect on, especially in relation to my own traumas.
My biggest take away from this is how as a society it's important to shift from a 'what's wrong with you?' (insinuating something to be fixed) mentality to a 'what happened to you?' mentality (insinuating something to be healed). After reading this, I looked at my own trauma in a different light. The trauma is a part, and will always be a part of who I am now, but I am not broken, but that I can heal.
I will say this one is made for audio. The conversational nature of the dialogue is best consumed by listening, pausing, and reflecting. I hope this book evokes more empathy in a world where trauma is prevalent.
📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• mental health practitioners
• anyone who works with kids
• trauma surviours
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"Now when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I pull back. I have learned to say no. When I'm around someone who drains me, I put up a barrier - a nonphysical wall that keeps that person's negative energy away. I've also created a sacred personal space, blocking out Sundays as a time of renewal, allowing myself to be with myself, allowing myself to simply be. When this time is interrupted or threatened by someone who invades my state of calm, I become irritable, anxiety-prone, and distressed about making decisions - not the person I want to be in the world. The quickest and most consistent way for me to get back to my own rhythm is to walk in nature. Just focusing on my breath, my steady heartbeat, the stillness of a tree, or the intricacy of a leaf can center me in the wholeness of all things. Music, laughter, dancing (even a party for one), knitting, cooking - finding what naturally soothes you not only regulates your heart and mind, it helps you stay open to the goodness in your and in the world."
Author: Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Genre: Non Fiction Psychology
Rating: 4.25
Pub Date: April 27 2021
T H R E E • W O R D S
Fascinating • Liberating • Meaningful
📖 S Y N O P S I S
Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” An important book about understanding people, behavior, and ourselves as it relates to traumatic experiences.
💭 T H O U G H T S
I am so glad I picked this up on a whim, as it's one of those books I didn't know I needed! It approaches trauma in a much more human way, as opposed to the more clinical perspective found in many self-help and psychology books. It is as helpful as it is informative, and in the process shifting our approach and mentality towards trauma. It puts forth the idea that practitioners, parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, etc. need to provide trauma informed care on a person by person basis. It showcases how trauma changes a person at their core, not just mentally and emotionally but physically. It gave me so much to think about and reflect on, especially in relation to my own traumas.
My biggest take away from this is how as a society it's important to shift from a 'what's wrong with you?' (insinuating something to be fixed) mentality to a 'what happened to you?' mentality (insinuating something to be healed). After reading this, I looked at my own trauma in a different light. The trauma is a part, and will always be a part of who I am now, but I am not broken, but that I can heal.
I will say this one is made for audio. The conversational nature of the dialogue is best consumed by listening, pausing, and reflecting. I hope this book evokes more empathy in a world where trauma is prevalent.
📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• mental health practitioners
• anyone who works with kids
• trauma surviours
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"Now when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I pull back. I have learned to say no. When I'm around someone who drains me, I put up a barrier - a nonphysical wall that keeps that person's negative energy away. I've also created a sacred personal space, blocking out Sundays as a time of renewal, allowing myself to be with myself, allowing myself to simply be. When this time is interrupted or threatened by someone who invades my state of calm, I become irritable, anxiety-prone, and distressed about making decisions - not the person I want to be in the world. The quickest and most consistent way for me to get back to my own rhythm is to walk in nature. Just focusing on my breath, my steady heartbeat, the stillness of a tree, or the intricacy of a leaf can center me in the wholeness of all things. Music, laughter, dancing (even a party for one), knitting, cooking - finding what naturally soothes you not only regulates your heart and mind, it helps you stay open to the goodness in your and in the world."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Self harm, Addiction, and War
Minor: Racism
trauma, PTSDdierdredaylewis's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Child abuse, and Emotional abuse
megan_bbender's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
I was assigned to read this book for school, but I am so happy that I read it. Not only was this book a great learning tool for my classes but it's an amazing tool for my career and even every day life. The information presented in this book is extremely valuable.
I found it to be a very easy read; the way that the information was presented was super organized and it was broken down in a way that was extremely easy to grasp and understand.
I highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially to parents or individuals who are working with other people.
I found it to be a very easy read; the way that the information was presented was super organized and it was broken down in a way that was extremely easy to grasp and understand.
I highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially to parents or individuals who are working with other people.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse and Physical abuse
Moderate: Death
Minor: Death of parent
juliana_caterin's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.75
I really loved this book, the audiobook is incredible.
I learned a lot, even as a med student, there are things that we don´t know or don´t even investigate that much. It was amazing, and it took a complex topic and made them understandable. I would recommend this book for everyone, it can be a bit overwhelming at times. But it's worth it.
I not only learned so much about the brain and development, but I was able to translate that to my real life. I understand and empathize more with people around me, and about myself. I understand myself a little better now.
I'll read this book again in the future because I don't think that I would get the most of it from reading it only once.
I don't agree with everything that was written on the book, but I still loved it and would recommend it.
I learned a lot, even as a med student, there are things that we don´t know or don´t even investigate that much. It was amazing, and it took a complex topic and made them understandable. I would recommend this book for everyone, it can be a bit overwhelming at times. But it's worth it.
I not only learned so much about the brain and development, but I was able to translate that to my real life. I understand and empathize more with people around me, and about myself. I understand myself a little better now.
I'll read this book again in the future because I don't think that I would get the most of it from reading it only once.
I don't agree with everything that was written on the book, but I still loved it and would recommend it.
Content Warnings
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Grief, Gun violence, Mental illness, Murder, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Police brutality, Racism, Rape, Self harm, Sexual violence, Slavery, Torture, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, Trafficking, Violence, and War
megs_bok's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse
Moderate: Child abuse, Grief, and Injury/Injury detail
elizastudying's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.25
Very accessible introduction to how what happened to us changes us. Little bit repetitive sometimes but hugely important still.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Mental illness, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse
meigs's review against another edition
challenging
informative
slow-paced
4.0
I have recommended this book to members of my family with the caveat that it’s incredibly triggering. There were times where I thought I couldn’t finish it due to my own trauma. If you’ve experienced sexual molestation, sexual assault, rape, and/or physical violence this can be a lot to take in, and I recommend proceeding with care. I had to not listen for a few days here and there so I wouldn’t abandon it. And while I never wanted to stop listening, there were times where I felt like damn I’m only half way through this book?! Like most Gen X, I grew up with Oprah. And I’ve loved and respected her, but I think it’s fair to say she’s introduced a lot of people who seem to have questionable ethics later on down the road (Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Marianne Williamson) so I approached this book with a lot of hesitation. Overall, I think it’s a good read. If you’re on a journey to heal, I think it’s a helpful and insightful read. I found it hopeful and felt assured by research that was shared through out the book. I especially appreciated that they discussed and touched on social justice issues and the intergenerational way trauma can be carried. It’s wild to recognize how little we understand trauma and its effects on us. It’s reassuring to know we’re getting better.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Physical abuse and Child abuse
nahlaaly56's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
This book was very powerful. It gets painful at some points tbh, and it's really hard to face the cruelty of the world, and how much trauma kids can be exposed to. Oprah's closing words had me in tears but have inspired me to look at forgiveness from a very different perspective. A great book to read for people who've had any kind of trauma in their past, for parents (especially of younger children), and for people who work with children and teenagers. The move from "what's wrong with you?" to "what happened to you?" is something I'm definitely going to work on for a while.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Abandonment, Addiction, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Racism, and Physical abuse