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Steve Harvey has a vision: to see men and women in happy relationships. He knows it’s not easy: one of the biggest parts of his radio show are the “Strawberry Letters” submitted by frustrated women asking for relationship advice and clues as to how to get their men to open up. Harvey’s answer? This book. With chapters entitled “Men Respect Standards – Get Some,” “First Things First: He Wants to Sleep with You,” and “Why Men Cheat,” Harvey’s approach is a bit tough love at times but definitely well-needed.
Harvey’s approach: men are simple. Men are driven by three things: who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Women come in fourth, after they feel like they’re on the right career path and pretty settled when it comes to a job an income. All of those years that women spend trying to juggle school, getting started in a career, setting out on one’s own, finding a guy, calming the ticking of their biological clock, taking care of aging parents, etc. – men are just focusing on their careers, which pretty much define all 3 of the things they’re really concerned with establishing. This struck a major chord with me as I had recently begun to read 20-Something, 20-Everything in which the author, Christine Hassler, made a similar argument. Women: we really do bear the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially during these early years on our own.
Another very important simplicity statement by Harvey: men are usually going to tell you up-front what they’re looking for. They’re not into mind games. If some guy approaches you at a bar and says he’s looking to have some fun that night, the odds of him calling you back the next morning are not in your favor. If a guy’s telling you, “I can’t picture myself settling down,” when you first meet, you’re not going to change his mind. I know we women all think that we’re special and, I don’t know, emit some personality-adjusting pheromones, but really, when’s the last time you really succeeded in changing a guy’s mind about his direction in life?
Also discussing the different ways men show love (through protecting you, providing for you, and “professing” - calling you their lady in front of friends and family), how to get your guy to propose (make him do it), and how to balance your status of an independent woman with your desire to be whisked off your feet, the book contains a lot of interesting theories about how men are going to behave in relationships and how women should react.
I’m certainly not the person to say whether or not the advice works, but I could understand the logic behind what Harvey was saying. Overall, it felt like he was telling women that there are plenty more fish in the sea. As a girl who always tries to make bad matches work (a bit like trying to force a square peg into a round hole), I took a lot away from his no-nonsense approach. A guy is just looking for a friends-with-benefits situation and I’m not? I should drop him and find someone else. Some guy I’m dating is constantly putting me second to other people in his life? I should move on.
I was talking about this book with one of the guys I work with (a 25-year-old flirt who still goes back to his college every weekend to party with young women - a real catch), and he said that he thought Steve Harvey was a bit old to be giving out dating advice. In some ways, I could see that. When he was discussing wooing women and bringing them flowers, I was skeptical to say the least. The only time a guy has bought me flowers was on a first date with a virgin 7 years my senior. Harvey also recommends a woman wait 3 months before “giving up the cookie,” which seems reaaaaally unrealistic in today’s day and age.
I appreciated Harvey’s “don’t sell yourself short” sentiment, the book had an interesting perspective, and it was a rather quick, enjoyable read. Some of the advice seemed a little brash though, and it definitely targeted a specific demographic that I am not a part of. While I appreciated the confidence boost I got while reading it, I’m not quite sure I’d incorporate too much of his advice into my own ideas of dating.
Harvey’s approach: men are simple. Men are driven by three things: who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Women come in fourth, after they feel like they’re on the right career path and pretty settled when it comes to a job an income. All of those years that women spend trying to juggle school, getting started in a career, setting out on one’s own, finding a guy, calming the ticking of their biological clock, taking care of aging parents, etc. – men are just focusing on their careers, which pretty much define all 3 of the things they’re really concerned with establishing. This struck a major chord with me as I had recently begun to read 20-Something, 20-Everything in which the author, Christine Hassler, made a similar argument. Women: we really do bear the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially during these early years on our own.
Another very important simplicity statement by Harvey: men are usually going to tell you up-front what they’re looking for. They’re not into mind games. If some guy approaches you at a bar and says he’s looking to have some fun that night, the odds of him calling you back the next morning are not in your favor. If a guy’s telling you, “I can’t picture myself settling down,” when you first meet, you’re not going to change his mind. I know we women all think that we’re special and, I don’t know, emit some personality-adjusting pheromones, but really, when’s the last time you really succeeded in changing a guy’s mind about his direction in life?
Also discussing the different ways men show love (through protecting you, providing for you, and “professing” - calling you their lady in front of friends and family), how to get your guy to propose (make him do it), and how to balance your status of an independent woman with your desire to be whisked off your feet, the book contains a lot of interesting theories about how men are going to behave in relationships and how women should react.
I’m certainly not the person to say whether or not the advice works, but I could understand the logic behind what Harvey was saying. Overall, it felt like he was telling women that there are plenty more fish in the sea. As a girl who always tries to make bad matches work (a bit like trying to force a square peg into a round hole), I took a lot away from his no-nonsense approach. A guy is just looking for a friends-with-benefits situation and I’m not? I should drop him and find someone else. Some guy I’m dating is constantly putting me second to other people in his life? I should move on.
I was talking about this book with one of the guys I work with (a 25-year-old flirt who still goes back to his college every weekend to party with young women - a real catch), and he said that he thought Steve Harvey was a bit old to be giving out dating advice. In some ways, I could see that. When he was discussing wooing women and bringing them flowers, I was skeptical to say the least. The only time a guy has bought me flowers was on a first date with a virgin 7 years my senior. Harvey also recommends a woman wait 3 months before “giving up the cookie,” which seems reaaaaally unrealistic in today’s day and age.
I appreciated Harvey’s “don’t sell yourself short” sentiment, the book had an interesting perspective, and it was a rather quick, enjoyable read. Some of the advice seemed a little brash though, and it definitely targeted a specific demographic that I am not a part of. While I appreciated the confidence boost I got while reading it, I’m not quite sure I’d incorporate too much of his advice into my own ideas of dating.
Popsugar Challenge #15 - Book written by a celebrity
I was told about this book years ago, and chose it for the "self-help book" but found another book I liked better for that category! Mr. Harvey is not definitely not the best celebrity book and when I started this challenge I went out an bought about 4 books that would fit it, but this was the one I read first, probably because it was short and easy to read. I do think you need to take it with a spoonful of salt... every chapter, and its likely the same things that your grandmother could tell you, but you didn't listen to, but an interesting point of view from the minds of Mars on the female species.
I was told about this book years ago, and chose it for the "self-help book" but found another book I liked better for that category! Mr. Harvey is not definitely not the best celebrity book and when I started this challenge I went out an bought about 4 books that would fit it, but this was the one I read first, probably because it was short and easy to read. I do think you need to take it with a spoonful of salt... every chapter, and its likely the same things that your grandmother could tell you, but you didn't listen to, but an interesting point of view from the minds of Mars on the female species.
informative
medium-paced
Starting the year off quite strong. This book definitely reflects the point in my life that I’m in right now: trying to navigate a budding romantic relationship with zero to no experience. I’m trying to equip myself with the right tools to avoid getting hurt and I think this book is a step in the right direction.
Not bad. Some new things some old things. Fun to hear the male perspective.
The target audience of this book seemed to be Christian African-American single mothers. Of those attributes, I have only one, the single part. So I didn't particularly connect with a large part of the book. Plus, it was filled with statements like, "If you have such and such situation, the guy is not right for you." Harvey just seemed to overlook certain possibilities in the matchmaking process, I don't know. For another thing, he completely wrote off open relationships, which I don't know if I agree with. All in all, I thought the movie version of this book was better!
So...most of this book is not terrible. I very much appreciate the emphasis that Harvey puts on boundaries (which he calls standards). But there were a few very off-putting homophobic digs, and an overall comfort with the status quo that made me grind my teeth.
I do wish there were a companion book called "Don't Act Like a Dick, Think Like a Human Being" for men. For example, one consistent message throughout the book is that women should command more respect from men. When is Harvey going to call men out for being disrespectful?
He writes: "We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us. So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync" (187). Harvey's solution is ALWAYS to play back into that order of things, rather than finding a new way forward. Are you an independent and intimidating lady? Make sure to take part in the usual patriarchal charade to keep your man's ego intact. Are you a man with a fragile ego? Be sure to only rely on those three hackneyed roles of masculinity: profess, provide, and protect.
And then there's that awkward part on "how to be a girl" and "how to get the ring". Which is not what every woman is looking for in advice. But then, maybe most of his audience is.
I do wish there were a companion book called "Don't Act Like a Dick, Think Like a Human Being" for men. For example, one consistent message throughout the book is that women should command more respect from men. When is Harvey going to call men out for being disrespectful?
He writes: "We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us. So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync" (187). Harvey's solution is ALWAYS to play back into that order of things, rather than finding a new way forward. Are you an independent and intimidating lady? Make sure to take part in the usual patriarchal charade to keep your man's ego intact. Are you a man with a fragile ego? Be sure to only rely on those three hackneyed roles of masculinity: profess, provide, and protect.
And then there's that awkward part on "how to be a girl" and "how to get the ring". Which is not what every woman is looking for in advice. But then, maybe most of his audience is.
reflective
medium-paced
Book 4 of 2025: Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man - Steve Harvey
Steve Harvey shares his views on how men think to teach women how to improve their relationships.
Review:
⭐️ 1/5
I enjoy watching clips of Steve Harvey on Family Feud, therefore I had some high hopes for this book, I was mistaken. This was an incredibly misogynistic book, it is all based within the idea that women are objects to be used for sex. I worry that some women will read this and take it to heart, playing into a dangerous narrative.
Challenges:
📚Books in 2025: 4/100
📚2025 52 Book Club Challenge: 4/52
📚Prompt #44 of the 2025 52 Book Club Challenge: A Celebrity on the Cover
Book Information:
📖 Pages: 290
📖 Format: Audiobook
📖 Type: Non-Fiction
📖 Genre: Psychology, Self Help
Favourite Quotes:
“Don’t hate the player, hate the game”
Clear and straight to the point. Some statements and situations will not apply to all women but nonetheless there's something for every woman. Great advice but can get a tad preachy at times. Overall - excellent read! Yay Steve!
"The game is sold not told."
I actually listened to the audiobook and the information is there, but there are a few ideals that uphold misogyny. For example, the idea that men like the R.O.D chick the one that will stick by her man broke and all. This idea is ONLY and primarily pushed on black woman specifically. We need to hop off of the struggle bus and not allow our feelings of desperation to guide our dating life. If a man is not able to take care of you, what makes you think that he can take care of a home or a child? It's one thing if YOUR man (husband) goes broke and you have to navigate that space, but A man (that's merely your boyfriend or potential) is broke or becomes broke is not your burden to carry. You're single until married according to the LAW!
The core information was great. I actually really enjoyed the chapter where he discussed key questions that you should ask a man to determine if he is serious. The fish analogy was a funny to me. Ultimately a man will fish around and once he catches you he determines if you're worth keeping or showing off and throwing back. Ultimately my biggest takeaway was that if you are not a man's dream girl, it's really not worth the investment. Take care and focus on your self! Have clear and strict boundaries and a man can only play a woman that can be played with! Remember that you are the prize and you hold the power. I will say that Steve does explicitly states that women hold the power and when you are more selective with your "cookie" and lead with your mind and eyes, you'll go farther in the dating scene. I'm in the 20 year old dating range and the more you interact with men you realize that they're all reading from the same playbook, however if you're armed with the knowledge that YOU ARE THE PRIZE, you no longer date from a place of lack, but one of a place of power. It's all a game at the end of the day. You can either play or be played, the choice is yours. 3 stars is a bit harsh, but it's not a solid 4. I'd give it a 3.5.
I actually listened to the audiobook and the information is there, but there are a few ideals that uphold misogyny. For example, the idea that men like the R.O.D chick the one that will stick by her man broke and all. This idea is ONLY and primarily pushed on black woman specifically. We need to hop off of the struggle bus and not allow our feelings of desperation to guide our dating life. If a man is not able to take care of you, what makes you think that he can take care of a home or a child? It's one thing if YOUR man (husband) goes broke and you have to navigate that space, but A man (that's merely your boyfriend or potential) is broke or becomes broke is not your burden to carry. You're single until married according to the LAW!
The core information was great. I actually really enjoyed the chapter where he discussed key questions that you should ask a man to determine if he is serious. The fish analogy was a funny to me. Ultimately a man will fish around and once he catches you he determines if you're worth keeping or showing off and throwing back. Ultimately my biggest takeaway was that if you are not a man's dream girl, it's really not worth the investment. Take care and focus on your self! Have clear and strict boundaries and a man can only play a woman that can be played with! Remember that you are the prize and you hold the power. I will say that Steve does explicitly states that women hold the power and when you are more selective with your "cookie" and lead with your mind and eyes, you'll go farther in the dating scene. I'm in the 20 year old dating range and the more you interact with men you realize that they're all reading from the same playbook, however if you're armed with the knowledge that YOU ARE THE PRIZE, you no longer date from a place of lack, but one of a place of power. It's all a game at the end of the day. You can either play or be played, the choice is yours. 3 stars is a bit harsh, but it's not a solid 4. I'd give it a 3.5.
sad
fast-paced