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roxymaybe's review against another edition
2.0
I guess a problem doing sex research on teens in America is you tend to only get kids who are willing to open up about their sex lives. Both this and Girls & Sex would make the reader think every high school/college kid in America goes to frat parties and sends dirty snapchats all day long. Oh plus one chapter about queer kids. I'm considering writing a third book, Nerds & Sex about handsy band geeks and compulsively intimate theatre kids.
mariahistryingtoread's review
3.0
If you've read any of Peggy Orenstein's books before, for better or for worse, you know what to expect with this one.
It's essentially a companion to her book Girls and Sex - which full disclosure I have not read. But, if it's like this one I can't say I'll be in a rush to pick it up.
I want to emphasize this isn't a bad book at all. It's competently written, and is engaging most of the time. However, as someone who reads a lot of feminist and sociological non fiction it's fairly entry level material. It basically just used anecdotes to explain behaviors, factors, etc that I already knew about.
I generally was fine with this because I like hearing about peoples' experiences and perspectives, but I unfortunately didn't learn anything. It also was light on the actual data to support most arguments. Again, if you've read an Orenstein book before you probably know what I'm talking about. And she does inform you of this in the introduction so it's not like I had the rug ripped out from under me. It wasn't surprising, just disappointing.
I personally enjoyed it, but I recommend reading it only if you're okay with a little information embedded mostly in entertainment.
It's essentially a companion to her book Girls and Sex - which full disclosure I have not read. But, if it's like this one I can't say I'll be in a rush to pick it up.
I want to emphasize this isn't a bad book at all. It's competently written, and is engaging most of the time. However, as someone who reads a lot of feminist and sociological non fiction it's fairly entry level material. It basically just used anecdotes to explain behaviors, factors, etc that I already knew about.
I generally was fine with this because I like hearing about peoples' experiences and perspectives, but I unfortunately didn't learn anything. It also was light on the actual data to support most arguments. Again, if you've read an Orenstein book before you probably know what I'm talking about. And she does inform you of this in the introduction so it's not like I had the rug ripped out from under me. It wasn't surprising, just disappointing.
I personally enjoyed it, but I recommend reading it only if you're okay with a little information embedded mostly in entertainment.
bookph1le's review against another edition
5.0
Another fantastic book by Orenstein. This one gave me so, so much to think about when it comes to how to speak to my own kids about sex and sexuality. In that way, I think it's an invaluable resource for parents.
It's also just plain good for anyone. Having open, honest discussions about sexuality and sex in America is key, as made plain by the ongoing exposure of powerful, abusive men. Our current gender imbalances are hurting both boys and girls. While the harm to girls and women may be more self-evident, an unhealthy culture around masculinity hurts boys too, preventing them from having honest, open, loving relationships and denying them the necessary tools to see to their emotional health, one of the reasons why the prevalence of suicide is higher among men than women. Every day, men's basic humanity is being denied, and it's time to do something about it. This book provides a visceral look into the pernicious effects this denial is having on young men.
I can't overstate how much I value deeply researched books like these.
It's also just plain good for anyone. Having open, honest discussions about sexuality and sex in America is key, as made plain by the ongoing exposure of powerful, abusive men. Our current gender imbalances are hurting both boys and girls. While the harm to girls and women may be more self-evident, an unhealthy culture around masculinity hurts boys too, preventing them from having honest, open, loving relationships and denying them the necessary tools to see to their emotional health, one of the reasons why the prevalence of suicide is higher among men than women. Every day, men's basic humanity is being denied, and it's time to do something about it. This book provides a visceral look into the pernicious effects this denial is having on young men.
I can't overstate how much I value deeply researched books like these.
jenhurst's review
4.0
This was much better than Girls and Sex. it explored the idea that girls don't often think about, like how nervous the guys are the first time they have sex with someone (and they are supposed to be the confident ones), the insecurities they have and the fact they aren't often asked to talk about their feelings. I liked how this book also talked to queer men and brought their perspectives. This is a really good non-fiction and I highly recommend it.
tallulahjt's review
1.0
I was so excited to read this and was unfortunately greatly disappointed. There are two primary things that made me hate this book:
First, I thought it would be predominantly interviews with men with little editing, allowing them to share their experiences in a candid, judgment-free environment. What Orenstein’s “journalism” manifests as is her paraphrasing these interviews (along with studies) and providing her own opinions. The author’s opinions were rife with judgment and assumptions that I personally disagree with (for example, that pleasure is primarily defined by orgasm).
Second, a better title for this book would be “White Men and Straight Sex” because she rarely solicited perspectives from men who were not white, cis, and straight. Of course those men have valuable stories to share, but for a book whose raison d’etre is having hard conversations, Orenstein did not try to interview subjects who did not fit into the binary. There are two chapters (of nine) that focus on queer, trans, and men of color, however, compartmentalizing them, I feel, others them in an uncomfortable way. Not including these men in the chapters with all the white, cis, straight men seemed to suggest that they are not “normal” men.
While I think some of Orenstein’s interjections and observations had value, most of them felt harmful and like they were contradicting the book’s mission. I’m very sad to give this book such a low rating but I cannot in good faith pretend that it was the empowering, revolutionary, look into young men’s perspectives I thought it would be.
First, I thought it would be predominantly interviews with men with little editing, allowing them to share their experiences in a candid, judgment-free environment. What Orenstein’s “journalism” manifests as is her paraphrasing these interviews (along with studies) and providing her own opinions. The author’s opinions were rife with judgment and assumptions that I personally disagree with (for example, that pleasure is primarily defined by orgasm).
Second, a better title for this book would be “White Men and Straight Sex” because she rarely solicited perspectives from men who were not white, cis, and straight. Of course those men have valuable stories to share, but for a book whose raison d’etre is having hard conversations, Orenstein did not try to interview subjects who did not fit into the binary. There are two chapters (of nine) that focus on queer, trans, and men of color, however, compartmentalizing them, I feel, others them in an uncomfortable way. Not including these men in the chapters with all the white, cis, straight men seemed to suggest that they are not “normal” men.
While I think some of Orenstein’s interjections and observations had value, most of them felt harmful and like they were contradicting the book’s mission. I’m very sad to give this book such a low rating but I cannot in good faith pretend that it was the empowering, revolutionary, look into young men’s perspectives I thought it would be.
emmysnook's review against another edition
informative
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny and Sexual assault
tophat8855's review
5.0
Listened on Hoopla. A good reminder to keep talking to my kids about sex and relationships. This book focuses a lot on hook up culture. I do appreciate that some examples of the trans man experience were included.