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4.31 AVERAGE
4.31 AVERAGE
4.5 stars. This book actually took me two years to complete- which has much less to do with the quality or content of the book than the fact that even if I’m engaged, I almost never pick up non-fiction to read. But every time I sat down to read, I found passages worth highlighting. Determined to make headway, I picked up from page 109 yesterday and completed it (p 324) tonight. I thoroughly enjoyed and learned from this book and only wish I would have had it 20 years ago. Dr. Nagoski weaves science references with her own case studies and useful metaphors in a familiar, conversational manner. There were a couple of chapters that dragged a bit, though I acknowledge it may just be because those weren’t as relevant to me. I found the book very approachable and revelatory - and yet my biggest takeaway seems so obvious - that your sexuality is your own and prioritizing your experiences over your expectations will help you have a confident and joyful sex life.
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Very good
adventurous
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
The first half was really good, after that it became repetitive.
I like to read books that make me feel like an empowered badass women and, even though this book isn’t strictly about feminism, it did just that. I had never thought about expanding my knowledge or understanding on my sex life or female sexuality but after stumbling upon this book, after a recommendation, I can say I’m glad I did.
Read this book to feel confident and empowered within yourself.
Read this book to feel confident and empowered within yourself.
funny
hopeful
informative
relaxing
fast-paced
I think Come As You Are is probably great for its target audience, but personally this book actually made me feel worse than before for 2 main reasons.
In its very repetitious efforts to declare that everything/one is normal it inadvertently sends the message that normal is the most important thing to be. Unfortunately we are not all normal, statistically it is impossible for everyone to be normal. I, for example, have genetic conditions that make me statistically abnormal, but I have worked hard to remind myself that variance from the norm is a perfectly neutral part of the human experience. Reading this book just highlighted for me that even though sex is hard for many people I am further isolated in the barriers I face.
Secondly, this book introduces the dual control model and then offers a quiz to categorize readers. For the high SI subsection of people she states that this subtype is the most coorelated with difficulty engaging in sex. Her recommendations include a worksheet several chapters later that guides you to optimize the environment your having sex to reduce inhibitions, and the recommendation to practice mindfulness. To me it felt like having my hopes set up for more specific ways to navigate sex anxiety only to experience the major let down chapter later of some very generic tips. Leading me to feel a sense of hopelessness.
Side notes:
This book is very much not written for someone in a queer relationship. It might have a lesbian couple as an example case, but it still primarily speaks in male/female dichotomies.
Half of this book feels like an ad for a the book which I am reading so I have already purchased.
The dialogue/scenarios presented often feel very very on the nose and fake.
In its very repetitious efforts to declare that everything/one is normal it inadvertently sends the message that normal is the most important thing to be. Unfortunately we are not all normal, statistically it is impossible for everyone to be normal. I, for example, have genetic conditions that make me statistically abnormal, but I have worked hard to remind myself that variance from the norm is a perfectly neutral part of the human experience. Reading this book just highlighted for me that even though sex is hard for many people I am further isolated in the barriers I face.
Secondly, this book introduces the dual control model and then offers a quiz to categorize readers. For the high SI subsection of people she states that this subtype is the most coorelated with difficulty engaging in sex. Her recommendations include a worksheet several chapters later that guides you to optimize the environment your having sex to reduce inhibitions, and the recommendation to practice mindfulness. To me it felt like having my hopes set up for more specific ways to navigate sex anxiety only to experience the major let down chapter later of some very generic tips. Leading me to feel a sense of hopelessness.
Side notes:
This book is very much not written for someone in a queer relationship. It might have a lesbian couple as an example case, but it still primarily speaks in male/female dichotomies.
Half of this book feels like an ad for a the book which I am reading so I have already purchased.
The dialogue/scenarios presented often feel very very on the nose and fake.
emily nagoski is so lovely. this is such a compassionate and calm exploration of female sexuality. it did at times feel hard to relate to as i am not in a long-term relationship with a man, BUT so much of what she discussed was relevant and touching to me even outside my sex life. self-compassion, i think, is unfortunately necessary
challenging
informative
slow-paced