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midwifereading's review
5.0
Excellent, and one of the most practical books on marriage and relationships that I have ever read. Based on Attachment Theory, this book outlines the effect our early attachments have in laying the foundation for all future relationships, especially romantic relationships. We are all walking wounded, regardless of how wonderful our parents were, and this book really outlines the nature of those wounds and how to work with our spouse to move into that space and heal together. This is one I will be buying for my kids when they are moving toward marriage.
jesssalexander's review against another edition
2.0
I don't love reading this type of book, but some of the insights were helpful, not just when looking at my own patterns in relationships but also with general compassion for people who are very different than me. I think they lean waaaaay too heavy on the nurture not nature argument, but hey I'm no expert.
This book proposes 5 ways in which couples imperfectly love one another and provides strategies and rationale for improving relationships that are based on looking backward at our upbringings. The book asks us to consider our past and how we were taught about love through parents and other important people in our lives in childhood (insert chaise lounge and clipboard..."so tell me about your childhood"). This is supposed to give us more compassion with our spouses and deeper insight into our relationship in order to make cyclical conflict less frequent. The five styles of love as outlined in the book are...
Avoiders: can seem less engaged in the relationship, "check-out" in difficult conversations, avoid conflict, treasure alone time, feel like their spouse is needy
Pleasers: give a lot but struggle to receive, get anxious when their spouse isn't spending time with them or is upset, tries to read mood and situations, peacemaker
Vacilators: have high highs and low lows, struggle to see their own blame in the relationship, are romantics and can idealize their relationship, and then get disappointed and bitter. Their mood dictates the mood of the room.
Controllers and victims: go hand in hand, come from a volatile family background. Often are drawn to each other.
After delineating these love styles and describing how different love style combinations typically interact helps point out patterns and can eliminate some negative interactions. I don't see me or my husband as an exact replica of any of these, but it helps me be more thoughtful about how we resolve conflict and love one another well.
This book proposes 5 ways in which couples imperfectly love one another and provides strategies and rationale for improving relationships that are based on looking backward at our upbringings. The book asks us to consider our past and how we were taught about love through parents and other important people in our lives in childhood (insert chaise lounge and clipboard..."so tell me about your childhood"). This is supposed to give us more compassion with our spouses and deeper insight into our relationship in order to make cyclical conflict less frequent. The five styles of love as outlined in the book are...
Avoiders: can seem less engaged in the relationship, "check-out" in difficult conversations, avoid conflict, treasure alone time, feel like their spouse is needy
Pleasers: give a lot but struggle to receive, get anxious when their spouse isn't spending time with them or is upset, tries to read mood and situations, peacemaker
Vacilators: have high highs and low lows, struggle to see their own blame in the relationship, are romantics and can idealize their relationship, and then get disappointed and bitter. Their mood dictates the mood of the room.
Controllers and victims: go hand in hand, come from a volatile family background. Often are drawn to each other.
After delineating these love styles and describing how different love style combinations typically interact helps point out patterns and can eliminate some negative interactions. I don't see me or my husband as an exact replica of any of these, but it helps me be more thoughtful about how we resolve conflict and love one another well.
meganhineman's review against another edition
5.0
This is one of those books that is so insightful on our relationships, in particular our relationship with our spouse, I’d say every adult should give it a read. Practical, wise, and entertaining - this will have a lasting impact on my marriage.
supergirls_2008's review against another edition
4.0
I don’t like a lot of Christian self help books, especially about marriage, but this one was very research based. I thought there was a lot of good information about how your childhood effects your love style. Definitely would not recommend for anyone in a relationship with any kind of abuse, I feel like the authors dismissed emotional/verbal abuse
daniellew87's review
4.0
I really liked this book. Being not married or even in a relationship currently, it was slightly annoying how they related everything back to being married. However, I thought overall it was well done and definitely gave me some solid insight into my own attachment style. And some solid ways in which I could improve my interactions with others.
mwilliams1414's review against another edition
5.0
This book and workbook have been one of the best marriage/relationship books I’ve read (and I’ve read quite a few).
I gave it 5/5 stars because it taught me/my husband INVALUABLE tools, led to excellent conversations which gave us helpful insights.
Something I will say: I think this book is broken down for people who need step by step walkthroughs AND who may have done zero personal/relational counseling. My husband and I have put down a lot of groundwork in previous years so there were parts of the book that were totally skippable, we skimmed over some of the workbook questions as long as w broth agreed they didn’t pertain to us, and some of the stories felt overdone and redundant.
So I can say I highly recommend this book to anyone, but if it feels repetitive then skip over to the next relevant spot. There’s great info in the book!
I gave it 5/5 stars because it taught me/my husband INVALUABLE tools, led to excellent conversations which gave us helpful insights.
Something I will say: I think this book is broken down for people who need step by step walkthroughs AND who may have done zero personal/relational counseling. My husband and I have put down a lot of groundwork in previous years so there were parts of the book that were totally skippable, we skimmed over some of the workbook questions as long as w broth agreed they didn’t pertain to us, and some of the stories felt overdone and redundant.
So I can say I highly recommend this book to anyone, but if it feels repetitive then skip over to the next relevant spot. There’s great info in the book!
mdrfromga's review against another edition
5.0
Well worth the time and energy, the main point of the book is to provide symptoms of typical conflict styles and how to learn to control them instead of being controlled by your own style.