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4.17 AVERAGE
4.17 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
slow-paced
It's not that this is a poorly written book or anything, only that I'm not Febos target audience. I'm sure readers who have lived similar lives as serial daters looking to find peace and love with being alone will find comfort in this. As someone who long ago learned to enjoy being alone, there was nothing ground breaking here.
Also, I am more active on Storygraph now so if you want to see what I'm read right away, follow me there!
Also, I am more active on Storygraph now so if you want to see what I'm read right away, follow me there!
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
It pains me to DNF this because I really liked Body Work, Melissa Febos' previous book, and was looking forward to read this memoir. Maybe it's me and my current mood/frame of mind, but I found this too self-indulgent. There are 9 people waiting for my ebook copy at the library so...back it goes.
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐ท๐๐๐: ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Sex is โจexcitingโจ I assumed celibacy would beโฆmuch less exciting.
Turns out not picking up ๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ฃ๐บ @melissafebos โfor any reasonโis doing yourself a gross disservice.
I went in expecting the kinda memoir thatโs specifically the authorโs. Relatable if you stretch a bit, adapt their story to your situation. Fortune cookie & horoscope-esque. ๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ is a MF manifesto. W/e youโve read of Febosโ, imagine that on steroids (or off? depending on what kinda roids they are ig ๐ ๐). By the end I was convinced enough to consider celibacy myself.
In removing the โend goalโ so to speak, you gain clarity inaccessible any other way (or so Iโm told lol). The observations made regarding womenโs presentation & their consequential treatment? Staggering. The separation of ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ค๐ต from its other parts (after care, emotional cleanup, self perception, etc)? Something Iโd argue only Melissa could articulate in this way. A v unique spot, some of which I can personally attest to, being a queer femme is so frustrating in terms of visibility. A toss up whether your queerness will be recognizedโ& even when it is, that doesnโt shield from the male gaze.
Really looking at her relationship w her body & sex left me no choice but to do the same. ๐ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฅ. Itโs SO sad how much time, money, emotional bandwidth & mental energy Iโve (weโve) spent in hopes of ultimatelyโlike it or notโbeing desirable. & for what? The vast majority of those whose attention I was hoping to catch I couldnโt pick out of a line-up today. Thereโs not a single relationship that was made better by the dynamic, if anything I set myself up for disappointment & mistreatment.
๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข ๐ท๐ช๐ต๐ข๐ญ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ-๐ฆ๐น๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฑ ๐ธ ๐ด๐ฆ๐น, ๐ด๐ฐ๐ค๐ช๐ฆ๐ต๐บโ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฑ ๐ธ ๐ด๐ฆ๐น, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ธ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆโฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฃ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ด๐ต ๐ฅด
๐ ๐ข๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ & ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ .
Thank you bunches to A.A.Knopf, Melissa Febos & NetGalley for the DRC, physical ARC and beautiful finished copy w goodies. You spoiled the crap out of me w this one and I'm so friggin thankful. This memoir is everything.
Sex is โจexcitingโจ I assumed celibacy would beโฆmuch less exciting.
Turns out not picking up ๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ฃ๐บ @melissafebos โfor any reasonโis doing yourself a gross disservice.
I went in expecting the kinda memoir thatโs specifically the authorโs. Relatable if you stretch a bit, adapt their story to your situation. Fortune cookie & horoscope-esque. ๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ is a MF manifesto. W/e youโve read of Febosโ, imagine that on steroids (or off? depending on what kinda roids they are ig ๐ ๐). By the end I was convinced enough to consider celibacy myself.
In removing the โend goalโ so to speak, you gain clarity inaccessible any other way (or so Iโm told lol). The observations made regarding womenโs presentation & their consequential treatment? Staggering. The separation of ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ค๐ต from its other parts (after care, emotional cleanup, self perception, etc)? Something Iโd argue only Melissa could articulate in this way. A v unique spot, some of which I can personally attest to, being a queer femme is so frustrating in terms of visibility. A toss up whether your queerness will be recognizedโ& even when it is, that doesnโt shield from the male gaze.
Really looking at her relationship w her body & sex left me no choice but to do the same. ๐ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฅ. Itโs SO sad how much time, money, emotional bandwidth & mental energy Iโve (weโve) spent in hopes of ultimatelyโlike it or notโbeing desirable. & for what? The vast majority of those whose attention I was hoping to catch I couldnโt pick out of a line-up today. Thereโs not a single relationship that was made better by the dynamic, if anything I set myself up for disappointment & mistreatment.
๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข ๐ท๐ช๐ต๐ข๐ญ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ-๐ฆ๐น๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฑ ๐ธ ๐ด๐ฆ๐น, ๐ด๐ฐ๐ค๐ช๐ฆ๐ต๐บโ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฑ ๐ธ ๐ด๐ฆ๐น, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ธ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆโฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฃ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ด๐ต ๐ฅด
๐ ๐ข๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ & ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ .
Thank you bunches to A.A.Knopf, Melissa Febos & NetGalley for the DRC, physical ARC and beautiful finished copy w goodies. You spoiled the crap out of me w this one and I'm so friggin thankful. This memoir is everything.
reflective
medium-paced
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
emotional
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
Melissa Febos will always be one of my favourites. This felt different to me than her other books, which I think is an accomplishment from a writerโs standpoint. More philosophical than I expected but still grounded and interesting.
i love her work. her writing is always searingly vulnerable, but never salacious. her life and past are shocking, but she never submits to that narrative. instead, she makes her own, creating a story out of her interest in stories, writing from her interest in writing, living from her interest in the lives of other writers.
i saw she sold this book proposal shortly after i had begun my own dry season, and this book couldn't come out fast enough. now, a few years later, my dry season is over, so is hers, but reading her account still felt so validating. i didn't know that i could say no. i didnt know that i could say yes. i didnt know that i could decide to say either no or yes. i didn't no that i could be in charge of my own destiny. i didn't know that i was allowed to want or not want. neither did she. the slow pain and difficulty it took with which she learned these things feels so familiar to me. so do her revelations. i really feel like we went through the same things. the details are different, but the lessons are the same. like her, i suddenly had so much time to do things that nourished me. like her, i learned to take care of myself, and to listen to myself. like her, it helped me find a much better partner when i felt ready.
though i found this very satisfying and beautiful, i am still a writer and still a picky bitch! lol
only docking this because im not so into the religion comparisons, not necessarily because im against religion or christianity (most of the time, i am not), but because i didnt really buy the connection. the metaphor or comparison, analogy i suppose, stepped between replacing her devotion to her partners and other ppl w others' devotion to jesus, and then her renouncing that devotion by comparing herself to those who are celibate for (devoted to) jesus. yes, she posits that maybe it's not quite jesus, and maybe this is the only way for women to have experienced a kind of freedom. i personally feel like, sure, maybe, but i think a lot of them also were really into jesus. it was interesting, but didnt totally coalesce for me.
i saw she sold this book proposal shortly after i had begun my own dry season, and this book couldn't come out fast enough. now, a few years later, my dry season is over, so is hers, but reading her account still felt so validating. i didn't know that i could say no. i didnt know that i could say yes. i didnt know that i could decide to say either no or yes. i didn't no that i could be in charge of my own destiny. i didn't know that i was allowed to want or not want. neither did she. the slow pain and difficulty it took with which she learned these things feels so familiar to me. so do her revelations. i really feel like we went through the same things. the details are different, but the lessons are the same. like her, i suddenly had so much time to do things that nourished me. like her, i learned to take care of myself, and to listen to myself. like her, it helped me find a much better partner when i felt ready.
though i found this very satisfying and beautiful, i am still a writer and still a picky bitch! lol
only docking this because im not so into the religion comparisons, not necessarily because im against religion or christianity (most of the time, i am not), but because i didnt really buy the connection. the metaphor or comparison, analogy i suppose, stepped between replacing her devotion to her partners and other ppl w others' devotion to jesus, and then her renouncing that devotion by comparing herself to those who are celibate for (devoted to) jesus. yes, she posits that maybe it's not quite jesus, and maybe this is the only way for women to have experienced a kind of freedom. i personally feel like, sure, maybe, but i think a lot of them also were really into jesus. it was interesting, but didnt totally coalesce for me.
reflective