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408 reviews for:
What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen
Kate Fagan
4.2 AVERAGE
408 reviews for:
What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen
Kate Fagan
4.2 AVERAGE
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
challenging
emotional
informative
sad
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Geez. What a tough read, especially as a mom of runners with perfectionist tendencies. I could feel Maddy's pain and desperation through the page. It used her devastating story to tell some more universal truths about high performing student athletes, social media, and society.
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Really emotional book about a suicide of a young athlete. Left me crying but such a great book from start to finish.
Yes, the irony of writing a review of this book on a social media site is not lost on me. After being quite taken with the ESPN W article ‘Spilt Image’ I was very glad that Kate Fagan would be expanding it to book form that uncovers the numerous stresses that teens undergo in that turbulent time of transitioning to independence from home life in college along with the pressures of being a dedicated student athlete. The book painstakingly details the gradual and tragic loss of mental health using actual messages, texts, and social media posts from Madison Holleran. Depicting the new kinds of anxiety that the advent of social media has brought on top of the usual stressors of that age group, not as an anti-Internet sharing lecture but to serve as an ever more important reminder that what we present to others outwardly is sometimes not all what we are in private to ourselves. While the book presents research that is still in its infancy, it works as a call for more openness and interaction in our regular lives outside of our cultivated Internet personas.
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
The question is: "Is the act the climax? I don't think it is....dig into why people make decisions.That's the interesting part--it's about reframing the suicide to be about the person's life and not just about their death."
--Sucide Survivor and Suicide Awareness Activist
This was a difficult, poignant read for me, but so, so important as topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety, expectations vs. reality, and perfectionism are discussed. It was a surreal to see myself both in a mother’s perspective and Maddie—the struggling freshmen. I could definitely identify with the millennial push to have the right college resume and have clear cut goals and then feel utterly overwhelmed and inadequate starting college. To realize that being the top student or athlete in one’s school is nothing special once attending college. Everyone seems just a brilliant and even more capable than you.
“Lisa therapist: I believe I am/we are seeing the result of the so-called “Race to Nowhere”—the achievement/status driven culture that are kids are raised in….parents who are so fearful and anxious about helping their children succeed that there is simply no room for their children, my clients to begin to know themselves. When they arrive at college, the wheels come off. They are so hard on themselves, and so out of touch with what they really care about—discovering their true interests is a foreign concept. There is such a push for perfection that normal life skills (learning time management, healthy sleep habits, adult responsibilities) are not in place…Combine this with the incessant comparisons students make of themselves to others via social media, financial burdens and dread of graduation (for after a lifetime of curated education, graduation feels like falling off a cliff) and you have a perfect storm.”
Social media is also another deeply explored topic, where the constant proliferation and easy access to “plugging in” can be toxic, addicting, and isolating. At one point, the author mentions that she is 2 people—the first is her offline flawed person and the second is her edited and filtered online persona. That persona can be paused in perfection and then picked up at any time.
“Picture a duck, and below the surface they are scrambling for their lives, but above the water everything appears peaceful.”
“…having a hard time is not part of that messaging which perpetuates the belief that ‘I’m not okay’ must mean that something is wrong with you instead of something a lot of people might feel.”
It is so, so important to be able to discuss struggles and to be honest. However, as the author points out that there are many barriers to having honest, heart-felt conversations. She then explores the effect of filtered images on social media and indirect messaging (instead of face-to-face conversation) and the rise of anxiety and emotional isolation. The author mentions studies about dopamine and other stress relieving chemicals released during physical/talking conversations versus texting conversations (where none are released).
What really spoke to me was the inclusion of Maurice Boyd who delivered sermons, one particular was in 1996 entitled “The Fine Art of Being Imperfect.” The author shares snippets, but essentially Boyd shares 3 examples: Waterford crystal, pottery, and oriental rugs and then relates them to how flaws are viewed. With the Waterford crystal if even slightest deformity or crack is “…spotted, the piece is immediately shattered… punishment for a defect nearly invisible to the human eye….He says, ‘Notice how close perfection is to despair.” With the clay example and a mistake formed, “… the potter will not throw away the clay, she will attempt to reshape the piece around the mistake as if it had never happened.” Finally, with the “weavers who create the world’s most beautiful rugs,” the rugs naturally become asymmetrical; “However, this asymmetry is not considered a mistake to be eradicated or smoothed out. In fact it is the opposite: this imperfection becomes the rug’s beauty, its uniqueness. This rug is unlike any other, and that is what makes it a coveted work.”
“Boyd’s message asks a single question of his listeners: In which way do we view imperfection? And again, Notice how close perfection is to despair.”
This would make a great book club book and discussion. It makes me think of my own college struggles and challenges that luckily I was able to overcome and succeed. It makes my heart ache for those I know who struggled and did not succeed. This is a powerful social discussion that needs to occur more. There needs to be less ostracizing of anything deemed mental illness. There needs to be more awareness. I would highly recommend this powerful, researched story that follows Maddie's life--her triumphs, her struggles, and her relationships-- before she takes her own life.
--Sucide Survivor and Suicide Awareness Activist
This was a difficult, poignant read for me, but so, so important as topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety, expectations vs. reality, and perfectionism are discussed. It was a surreal to see myself both in a mother’s perspective and Maddie—the struggling freshmen. I could definitely identify with the millennial push to have the right college resume and have clear cut goals and then feel utterly overwhelmed and inadequate starting college. To realize that being the top student or athlete in one’s school is nothing special once attending college. Everyone seems just a brilliant and even more capable than you.
“Lisa therapist: I believe I am/we are seeing the result of the so-called “Race to Nowhere”—the achievement/status driven culture that are kids are raised in….parents who are so fearful and anxious about helping their children succeed that there is simply no room for their children, my clients to begin to know themselves. When they arrive at college, the wheels come off. They are so hard on themselves, and so out of touch with what they really care about—discovering their true interests is a foreign concept. There is such a push for perfection that normal life skills (learning time management, healthy sleep habits, adult responsibilities) are not in place…Combine this with the incessant comparisons students make of themselves to others via social media, financial burdens and dread of graduation (for after a lifetime of curated education, graduation feels like falling off a cliff) and you have a perfect storm.”
Social media is also another deeply explored topic, where the constant proliferation and easy access to “plugging in” can be toxic, addicting, and isolating. At one point, the author mentions that she is 2 people—the first is her offline flawed person and the second is her edited and filtered online persona. That persona can be paused in perfection and then picked up at any time.
“Picture a duck, and below the surface they are scrambling for their lives, but above the water everything appears peaceful.”
“…having a hard time is not part of that messaging which perpetuates the belief that ‘I’m not okay’ must mean that something is wrong with you instead of something a lot of people might feel.”
It is so, so important to be able to discuss struggles and to be honest. However, as the author points out that there are many barriers to having honest, heart-felt conversations. She then explores the effect of filtered images on social media and indirect messaging (instead of face-to-face conversation) and the rise of anxiety and emotional isolation. The author mentions studies about dopamine and other stress relieving chemicals released during physical/talking conversations versus texting conversations (where none are released).
What really spoke to me was the inclusion of Maurice Boyd who delivered sermons, one particular was in 1996 entitled “The Fine Art of Being Imperfect.” The author shares snippets, but essentially Boyd shares 3 examples: Waterford crystal, pottery, and oriental rugs and then relates them to how flaws are viewed. With the Waterford crystal if even slightest deformity or crack is “…spotted, the piece is immediately shattered… punishment for a defect nearly invisible to the human eye….He says, ‘Notice how close perfection is to despair.” With the clay example and a mistake formed, “… the potter will not throw away the clay, she will attempt to reshape the piece around the mistake as if it had never happened.” Finally, with the “weavers who create the world’s most beautiful rugs,” the rugs naturally become asymmetrical; “However, this asymmetry is not considered a mistake to be eradicated or smoothed out. In fact it is the opposite: this imperfection becomes the rug’s beauty, its uniqueness. This rug is unlike any other, and that is what makes it a coveted work.”
“Boyd’s message asks a single question of his listeners: In which way do we view imperfection? And again, Notice how close perfection is to despair.”
This would make a great book club book and discussion. It makes me think of my own college struggles and challenges that luckily I was able to overcome and succeed. It makes my heart ache for those I know who struggled and did not succeed. This is a powerful social discussion that needs to occur more. There needs to be less ostracizing of anything deemed mental illness. There needs to be more awareness. I would highly recommend this powerful, researched story that follows Maddie's life--her triumphs, her struggles, and her relationships-- before she takes her own life.
I couldn't put this book down (which explains why I finished it in a day). When I wasn't reading this book, I was thinking about this book- and Maddy, and what she must've been thinking and feeling to make such a drastic choice.
Kate Fagan does an excellent job of gathering information and showing how Maddy appeared to everyone around her, and showing how no one knew just how bad everything really was for Maddy mentally. Her writing is excellent and heartfelt even as it is heartbreaking.
The author intersperses a lot of her own story and experiences into the novel, which at first bothered me, but as I continued the book I found her story to be helpful in illuminating Maddy's experiences and mindset.
As a mother of three daughters, I couldn't stop crying as I read the last few chapters and put the book down. Thinking about all the hugs and birthday candles blown out and sports events where she was cheered on and all the little, everyday things we parents experience with our children and knowing that was all over for them (and for her siblings, too)- it's heart-wrenching to say the least.
I think Fagan did an excellent job bringing Maddy's story to the forefront and starting a much-needed conversation. Five stars, all around, but have tissues nearby.
Kate Fagan does an excellent job of gathering information and showing how Maddy appeared to everyone around her, and showing how no one knew just how bad everything really was for Maddy mentally. Her writing is excellent and heartfelt even as it is heartbreaking.
The author intersperses a lot of her own story and experiences into the novel, which at first bothered me, but as I continued the book I found her story to be helpful in illuminating Maddy's experiences and mindset.
As a mother of three daughters, I couldn't stop crying as I read the last few chapters and put the book down. Thinking about all the hugs and birthday candles blown out and sports events where she was cheered on and all the little, everyday things we parents experience with our children and knowing that was all over for them (and for her siblings, too)- it's heart-wrenching to say the least.
I think Fagan did an excellent job bringing Maddy's story to the forefront and starting a much-needed conversation. Five stars, all around, but have tissues nearby.
informative
sad
medium-paced