Take a photo of a barcode or cover
Some pieces of helpful advice but overall very stigmatizing to people living with BPD
This book is for people who have been abused by someone with BPD, not people with it. For those of us conditioned to feel we did something to deserve the abuse, or that there's something we can do to make it stop, it's comforting but saddening to know the effects and prognosis of this personality disorder. You don't have to let yourself keep being abused and taken advantage of just because someone else "can't help it". You wouldn't let someone with ebola stay in your house just because they said they didn't want to go to the hospital; emotionally, boundaries need to be set for safety also.
In fact, if you are reading this book because you suspect a loved one has BPD, it's best not to tell them or let them see you read this book. From the opening chapter:
"As you read this book, you may be eager to talk about what you’re learning
with the person you believe has the disorder. This is understandable. The
fantasy goes like this: a light bulb will go on in the person’s head, they will
be grateful to you, and they will rush into therapy to conquer their demons.
"Unfortunately, the reality usually differs. Your loved one is quite likely to
respond with rage, denial, a torrent of criticism, and accusations that you are
the one with the disorder.
"Other scenarios are possible, too. A person with BPD traits may feel such
shame and despair that they attempt to hurt or kill themselves. Or they may
use the information to deny responsibility for their behavior, as in, “I can’t
help what I do; I’ve got BPD.”
I had read an earlier edition, but this one is worth getting for the updated information on comorbidity with narcissistic personality disorder.
Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
Good luck to all who are suffering. Life can be better, but the transition is not easy.
In fact, if you are reading this book because you suspect a loved one has BPD, it's best not to tell them or let them see you read this book. From the opening chapter:
"As you read this book, you may be eager to talk about what you’re learning
with the person you believe has the disorder. This is understandable. The
fantasy goes like this: a light bulb will go on in the person’s head, they will
be grateful to you, and they will rush into therapy to conquer their demons.
"Unfortunately, the reality usually differs. Your loved one is quite likely to
respond with rage, denial, a torrent of criticism, and accusations that you are
the one with the disorder.
"Other scenarios are possible, too. A person with BPD traits may feel such
shame and despair that they attempt to hurt or kill themselves. Or they may
use the information to deny responsibility for their behavior, as in, “I can’t
help what I do; I’ve got BPD.”
I had read an earlier edition, but this one is worth getting for the updated information on comorbidity with narcissistic personality disorder.
Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
Good luck to all who are suffering. Life can be better, but the transition is not easy.
This was a very insightful book, however it did seem to just be repetitive. I think this could be for people that suffer from BPD as much as it is for those who don't.
medium-paced
This book is an incredible resource if you have someone in your life with borderline personality disorder! So many things make sense now.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
informative
medium-paced
This book was extremely helpful and informative.
An early guide for the families and loved ones of people with borderline personality disorder.
i thought this was decent, but not great. A lot of people seem to think it's great--or full of shit, without a lot of in between. A lot of the nay-sayers are like, "This book demonizes people with BPD!" and a lot of the yea-sayers are like, "I wouldn't have survived without this."
The actual book doesn't demonize people with BPD, but assumes for the most part that the reader intends to stay in a relationship with the person, and coaches them through how to understand and survive, by protecting themselves, and focusing on themselves, which isn't actually demonizing anyone. The book also doesn't impart any amazing tips that will save a relationship, just pounds home, over and over again, the same piece of advice: have boundaries that you stick to. It's repetitive. I do get that this is an early book, so subtletly was never going to be its strong point :)
In short, there are upsides to staying with someone who has BPD, but if they can't commit to caring for themselves, then there are a lot of downsides, and those are explored in detail here.
Recommended if you're learning about BPD from the perspective of someone who doesn't suffer themselves (although keep in mind there are probably better books that were written later and contain more up to date information). Obviously, you're going to need a different approach if you are a sufferer or suspect you might be a sufferer yourself, so please don't start with this book if that's the case. It would be like a person with a physical illness trying to learn about what was happening to them via out of date medical texts.
i thought this was decent, but not great. A lot of people seem to think it's great--or full of shit, without a lot of in between. A lot of the nay-sayers are like, "This book demonizes people with BPD!" and a lot of the yea-sayers are like, "I wouldn't have survived without this."
The actual book doesn't demonize people with BPD, but assumes for the most part that the reader intends to stay in a relationship with the person, and coaches them through how to understand and survive, by protecting themselves, and focusing on themselves, which isn't actually demonizing anyone. The book also doesn't impart any amazing tips that will save a relationship, just pounds home, over and over again, the same piece of advice: have boundaries that you stick to. It's repetitive. I do get that this is an early book, so subtletly was never going to be its strong point :)
In short, there are upsides to staying with someone who has BPD, but if they can't commit to caring for themselves, then there are a lot of downsides, and those are explored in detail here.
Recommended if you're learning about BPD from the perspective of someone who doesn't suffer themselves (although keep in mind there are probably better books that were written later and contain more up to date information). Obviously, you're going to need a different approach if you are a sufferer or suspect you might be a sufferer yourself, so please don't start with this book if that's the case. It would be like a person with a physical illness trying to learn about what was happening to them via out of date medical texts.
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Moderate: Mental illness, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt