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3.98 AVERAGE
3.98 AVERAGE
hopeful
informative
reflective
fast-paced
This did not land for me at all. I understand the attempt but I fear that this is all extremely basic shit that everybody who is going to realistically pick up this book already knows. and if you are a deeply sexist man who doesn’t, you aren’t going to be reading this book on how to be better. all of the author’s points have been said before many times in many decades prior to the release of this novel and, unfortunately, Manley’s text adds very little (if anything) of importance to the conversation.
Whilst Manley does touch on some agreeable (albeit exceedingly basic) feminist points, there were some sections I found bizarre and unnecessary. The constant need to insert themselves into the points with personal narratives was often entirely unhelpful and came across as the author wanting a pat on the head for doing the bare minimum. The author also goes on to say that if the women in your life haven’t opened up to you about their sexual assault, it means they don’t trust you. this is such an incredible overgeneralisation and just not true. Many women just….don’t want to talk about it. Maybe that is because they don’t trust you, but it could be (and most likely will be) that they will never talk to you about it no matter how much they trust you.
Additionally, as a couple of side notes:
- the section on why it’s “a little bit gay” to enjoy anal fascinated me. as a non binary person, surely the author realises that trans women exist….hell even straight women with strap ons exist! I hate to break it to you, but to have sex with a woman as a man is not even remotely gay.
- As the novel began, the author mocked Jordan Peterson and his ‘12 Rules for Life’ (and rightly so, he’s a knob) but then later, seemingly with no explanation of their sudden change of heart, happily quotes and agrees with that exact Peterson text twice. bizarre, inconsistent, and unhelpful.
- And finally, a silly gripe, the author also boldly states that “It honestly feels like many guys are afraid to acknowledge that they even poop at all” which is the mostly incredibly false bit of information I have ever read. Guys talk about shitting ALL THE TIME. What are you TALKING ABOUT.
Considering this novel was aimed at helping misogynistic cis guys, it did a great job at patting them on the back for the bare minimum and saying “boo-hoo poor men” when women are noted to be successful. Unfortunately, it was clear from both the novel and the majority of reviews that begin “I am not the intended audience but….”, that this book was not going to work as intended.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Learned some things, but mostly just reiterated things I already knew. A good read, and definitely a good starting point for lots of people.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
A book aimed at helping teen/young men navigate gender and how to be men (and what "men" are, exactly), but still an interesting, accessible read for anyone else. If you've got a young man in your life, though, this is a great book to shove at them.
Anyone who's already read up on the basics of feminism will find a lot of similar ideas here, about gender as a construct and how it harms both men and women in different ways by restricting choice, leading you into harmful behaviors, and sometimes causing us to victimize each other. Deconstructing toxic masculinity is the goal here, and it does that in a very accessible way: by breaking down things that men "just don't do" and showing how life can be better if you DO do those things. And it's not just "be nice to women" or "get in touch with your feelings" (though those are covered). It's also: ask for help, go to the doctor if you need it, test out weird sex things and see if you like them, and learn how to care for your body.
All sometimes basic stuff, but still, every now and then the author would lay something out in a simple line and I'd sit there blinking. "Masculinity is a belief system" was one. "If women in your life haven't told you about [being assaulted], it's not because it's not happening: it's because they don't trust you." was another. Also discussions about how "being a man" is also partly about being a mature adult (something that is sometimes forgotten nowadays), and about how women are gaining in the spheres of education and academic success and the increasingly scarce good jobs, which might start a dangerous trend of men shying away from success because it's a "woman thing". It's interesting to hear the author, who wrote for AskMen.com for a long time, discuss these things from the inside, as it were.
Anyone who's already read up on the basics of feminism will find a lot of similar ideas here, about gender as a construct and how it harms both men and women in different ways by restricting choice, leading you into harmful behaviors, and sometimes causing us to victimize each other. Deconstructing toxic masculinity is the goal here, and it does that in a very accessible way: by breaking down things that men "just don't do" and showing how life can be better if you DO do those things. And it's not just "be nice to women" or "get in touch with your feelings" (though those are covered). It's also: ask for help, go to the doctor if you need it, test out weird sex things and see if you like them, and learn how to care for your body.
All sometimes basic stuff, but still, every now and then the author would lay something out in a simple line and I'd sit there blinking. "Masculinity is a belief system" was one. "If women in your life haven't told you about [being assaulted], it's not because it's not happening: it's because they don't trust you." was another. Also discussions about how "being a man" is also partly about being a mature adult (something that is sometimes forgotten nowadays), and about how women are gaining in the spheres of education and academic success and the increasingly scarce good jobs, which might start a dangerous trend of men shying away from success because it's a "woman thing". It's interesting to hear the author, who wrote for AskMen.com for a long time, discuss these things from the inside, as it were.
funny
informative
slow-paced
challenging
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ALC of this audiobook!
I have a lot of thoughts on this book. On one hand, I thought it was great, and much needed in the discourse. On the other hand, there were a few cursed references that made me cringe. But as I did so, I realized I’m not the target audience for this book, it’s specifically and explicitly targeted for young men. So maybe those cursed references (some famous men set as examples to emulate) would still be useful to approach them? I know I need to separate myself somewhat from the pov.
Another note: going into reading this book, I expected a commentary akin to Liz Plank’s “For the Love of Men”. But it was specifically speaking to teenaged and young-adult men. I don’t quite feel like the cover is going to entice the target crowd. It’s beautiful, it just gives off “trendily academic” to me (exactly my cup of tea).
I have a lot of thoughts on this book. On one hand, I thought it was great, and much needed in the discourse. On the other hand, there were a few cursed references that made me cringe. But as I did so, I realized I’m not the target audience for this book, it’s specifically and explicitly targeted for young men. So maybe those cursed references (some famous men set as examples to emulate) would still be useful to approach them? I know I need to separate myself somewhat from the pov.
Another note: going into reading this book, I expected a commentary akin to Liz Plank’s “For the Love of Men”. But it was specifically speaking to teenaged and young-adult men. I don’t quite feel like the cover is going to entice the target crowd. It’s beautiful, it just gives off “trendily academic” to me (exactly my cup of tea).
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
informative
fast-paced
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced