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659 reviews for:
The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved
Esther Perel
4.26 AVERAGE
659 reviews for:
The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved
Esther Perel
4.26 AVERAGE
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
I first encountered Esther Perel when I listened to her audible recording of several counseling sessions with couples at various stages of their relationships. While I listened, I found myself thinking that I new little about the layers of infidelity apart from the surface-level/movie affair dialogue. I learned a lot while reading this, and I love the way Perel navigates the very delicate emotions around an affair. It is by no means a light read, but I recommend to anyone who wants a better understanding of the intricacies of love and adult relationships.
challenging
informative
reflective
relaxing
slow-paced
I genuinely feel like this should be required reading for anyone pursuing a long term relationship. I found this book through Esther Perel's amazing podcast and continue to be blown away by it even after reading it twice. It's a fascinating multidisciplinary survey of modern relationships, questioning assumptions about monogamy, marriage, love, hurt, and healing. Read it!!!
Esther Perel is one of my favorite theorists when it comes to sexuality, particularly as it relates to monogamy and infidelity. Esther is bold and brave enough to open discussions that have long been taboo, and to challenge traditional ways of thinking about relationship and transgression. She recognizes that, despite our desperate attempts as a society to cling to tradition, monogamy (as it is currently defined) is not always the most successful relationship model. In fact, its success rate is relatively abysmal in its strictest form, and she suggests that perhaps we’re in need of a new cultural perspective. At the very least, we need a lot more open dialogue in relation to sexuality, relationship structure, possibility, and evolution of cultural norms.
There are many components to said dialogue, and Perel reviews them in this book. One fundamental precursor to engaging in this discussion, however, is evaluating infidelity from a nuanced, contextual standpoint rather than from a place of black/white, good/bad, victim/perpetrator rigidity. Stepping into the gray, we can more fully understand the benefits and pitfalls of monogamy; the individuality and uniqueness of every person and every relationship; the needs and nature of humans in general; the allure of the forbidden; and the potential for reconstruction, reorganization, and renegotiation of relationships following major crises.
What can we learn from infidelity? A lot, according to Perel. And having spent her professional life working with struggling couples around the world, there’s hardly anyone more qualified to start the conversation.
There are many components to said dialogue, and Perel reviews them in this book. One fundamental precursor to engaging in this discussion, however, is evaluating infidelity from a nuanced, contextual standpoint rather than from a place of black/white, good/bad, victim/perpetrator rigidity. Stepping into the gray, we can more fully understand the benefits and pitfalls of monogamy; the individuality and uniqueness of every person and every relationship; the needs and nature of humans in general; the allure of the forbidden; and the potential for reconstruction, reorganization, and renegotiation of relationships following major crises.
What can we learn from infidelity? A lot, according to Perel. And having spent her professional life working with struggling couples around the world, there’s hardly anyone more qualified to start the conversation.
challenging
reflective
fast-paced
informative
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
informative
reflective
fast-paced
The victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage."
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"[...]For them, infidelity is opportunism—they cheat with impunity, simply because they can."
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"No woman should ever give one man all the power to shatter her romantic ideals. There is a big difference between saying, "That one person let me down and I'm hurt," and saying, "I'll never love again."
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The stories of people and their experiences have always fascinated me. I decided to read this book after pondering upon the famous tragic love triangle involving Sylvia Plath, Ted Hughes, and Assia Wevill, as well as reflecting on the affairs I have seen and heard in my own life. I was impressed by this book, which convinced me that Esther Perel is an excellent therapist for couples. Instead of viewing affairs through the lens of prejudice and the doom of love, Perel builds her arguments around the stories she has worked through with her clients, gaining a lot of wisdom from them. I found her analysis endearing, but I believe it could be more powerful if it offered more than just anecdotes of affairs in marriage. Would highly recommend it to those who want an introduction to the complex meanings of infidelity.
.
"[...]For them, infidelity is opportunism—they cheat with impunity, simply because they can."
.
"No woman should ever give one man all the power to shatter her romantic ideals. There is a big difference between saying, "That one person let me down and I'm hurt," and saying, "I'll never love again."
-
The stories of people and their experiences have always fascinated me. I decided to read this book after pondering upon the famous tragic love triangle involving Sylvia Plath, Ted Hughes, and Assia Wevill, as well as reflecting on the affairs I have seen and heard in my own life. I was impressed by this book, which convinced me that Esther Perel is an excellent therapist for couples. Instead of viewing affairs through the lens of prejudice and the doom of love, Perel builds her arguments around the stories she has worked through with her clients, gaining a lot of wisdom from them. I found her analysis endearing, but I believe it could be more powerful if it offered more than just anecdotes of affairs in marriage. Would highly recommend it to those who want an introduction to the complex meanings of infidelity.
Uma visão ampla e honesta acerca da infidelidade; porque nem tudo o que parece é. E mesmo quando é... há sempre uma história por trás que merece ser ouvida. Neste livro vemos representados quem trai, quem é traído e quem é o terceiro da relação. Vemos quem definha perante a infidelidade, quem se mantém apesar dela e quem desabrocha por ela ter existido. É um livro extremamente empático sem ser condescendente. Está cheio de exemplos de casos reais e que ilustram bem os pontos da autora. Acredito que precisamos de refletir mais sobre este tema enquanto sociedade, porque ainda nos sinto muito quadrados e dicotómicos quando o tema é traição.
Väga huvitav oli lugeda erinevate paaride lugude kohta. Mingil määral olen vast ikka targem kui enne selle raamatu lugemist. Küll aga kuskil teose poole peal muutus kõik suhteliselt üheülbaliseks ja autori mõtted hakkasid korduma, nii hakkas see lugemine võrdlemisi venima. Lootuses, et sealt tuleb veel äkki midagi uut, lugesin edasi ikkagi. Minu meelest oleks võinud piirduda selle raamatu kirjutamisel 150, max 200 lehekülje mahuga: vähem lugusid ja rohkem konkreetset juttu. Seal oli nii palju lugusid, mis olid justkui lihtsalt ruumitäiteks ja hakkasid tüütuks muutuma.