Scan barcode
pbraue13's review
5.0
I give this book one star for the quality of writing, but five stars for the wild funny ride it was. WOW! VAMPIRE ANGEL VIKINGS FIGHTING ISIS!? It's as hilarious as it sounds.
scoutmomskf's review
4.0
Good book. Cnut is the last of the brothers to have his story told. Each of the brothers was guilty of embodying one of the seven deadly sins. Cnut's was gluttony. The story starts in 850 AD, with Cnut showing just how far he has fallen. He weighs more than 400 pounds, constantly eats even though his lands are suffering a famine and his people are starving to death. He also overindulges in drink, sex, gathering wealth, anything that can be done to excess. Then the Archangel Michael shows up to let Cnut know just how much trouble he is in, but also giving him a chance for redemption. All it takes is becoming a vampire angel in God's fight against evil. Though he might have wanted to reconsider after Michael's first decree is "you're going on a diet."
A thousand years later, Cnut is a lean, mean fighting machine who has been tagged with defeating ISIS and the Lucipires that egg them on. He just isn't sure how to start, until a woman arrives at his security agency, looking for help getting her sister away from a Montana cult that is recruiting for those same terrorists. Andrea is a pastry chef who has spent her entire life watching out for her beautiful but flaky younger sister. However, this escapade is the worst she's had to deal with, and she's grateful for the help of the sinfully sexy man. Not so grateful, though, that she's willing to stay behind.
There are sparks between Cnut and Andrea from the moment they met, sparks that neither wants to admit to. Those sparks lead Cnut to take Andrea with him to Montana, even though he's sure that it's a bad idea. I loved Andrea's determination and refusal to back down, even though she knows she's out of her depth. Their trip to Montana was pretty funny, with her nerves making her chatter and getting on Cnut's nerves. His forebodings are borne out when they arrive to find the place apparently deserted except for some puddles of slime - until he spots hordes of lucipires converging on the lodge. The only way to escape is to teletransport out of there, but something goes wrong, and they end up back in Cnut's homeplace and time.
I really enjoyed this part of the book, as Cnut is forced to face his past and poor example of a man he had been. Unable to contact his brothers or Michael, he realizes that maybe he is meant to make amends for the sins of his past. I ached for him because even though he is so different in looks and behavior now, he still sees himself as the fat glutton and selfish bastard that he used to be. Andrea has her own self-esteem issues after years of comparing herself to her beautiful and vivacious younger sister. Both of them have some interesting and amusing inner dialogs wondering what the other sees in them. I liked the way that they grew closer as they worked together, and understood each other's fears. The heat that grows between them is explosive and when they finally give in their connection is undeniable. I loved seeing the trust that makes it happen.
I loved the way that Andrea took her arrival in the past in stride, once she got over the shock. She's determined to help Cnut save his people from starvation, and I enjoyed seeing her team up with the castle cook to do it. There are some terrific cooking scenes -- soup! turnips! -- and I loved the use of menus at the beginning of some of the chapters. There are also some really funny insertions of modern life into Viking times, such as "Save a longship - Ride a Viking!" and teaching Viking women about birth control.
It's not all fun times though, as Cnut discovers that there are lucipires lurking in the woods around his home. Though easily dealing with those he finds, there's more to come. A woman from his past unexpectedly appears, bringing trouble with her. It was interesting to see him try to deal with her when all he wants is to be with Andrea. It doesn't help things that the woman and her traveling companions all carry the scent of rancid lemons, a sure sign that the lucipires have struck. This is confirmed by the unexpected arrival of Zebulon who has been given direct orders by Jasper regarding Cnut. There's a great deal of angst as Cnut tries to do the right thing as he sees it and still protect Andrea. I ached for him as things don't go the way he expected and the guilt tears at him. I had a hard time liking Michael at this point. Though things ended well for the vangels, poor Zeb is left to face the music. I can't wait to read his book, as he surely deserves to have his own happy ending.
A thousand years later, Cnut is a lean, mean fighting machine who has been tagged with defeating ISIS and the Lucipires that egg them on. He just isn't sure how to start, until a woman arrives at his security agency, looking for help getting her sister away from a Montana cult that is recruiting for those same terrorists. Andrea is a pastry chef who has spent her entire life watching out for her beautiful but flaky younger sister. However, this escapade is the worst she's had to deal with, and she's grateful for the help of the sinfully sexy man. Not so grateful, though, that she's willing to stay behind.
There are sparks between Cnut and Andrea from the moment they met, sparks that neither wants to admit to. Those sparks lead Cnut to take Andrea with him to Montana, even though he's sure that it's a bad idea. I loved Andrea's determination and refusal to back down, even though she knows she's out of her depth. Their trip to Montana was pretty funny, with her nerves making her chatter and getting on Cnut's nerves. His forebodings are borne out when they arrive to find the place apparently deserted except for some puddles of slime - until he spots hordes of lucipires converging on the lodge. The only way to escape is to teletransport out of there, but something goes wrong, and they end up back in Cnut's homeplace and time.
I really enjoyed this part of the book, as Cnut is forced to face his past and poor example of a man he had been. Unable to contact his brothers or Michael, he realizes that maybe he is meant to make amends for the sins of his past. I ached for him because even though he is so different in looks and behavior now, he still sees himself as the fat glutton and selfish bastard that he used to be. Andrea has her own self-esteem issues after years of comparing herself to her beautiful and vivacious younger sister. Both of them have some interesting and amusing inner dialogs wondering what the other sees in them. I liked the way that they grew closer as they worked together, and understood each other's fears. The heat that grows between them is explosive and when they finally give in their connection is undeniable. I loved seeing the trust that makes it happen.
I loved the way that Andrea took her arrival in the past in stride, once she got over the shock. She's determined to help Cnut save his people from starvation, and I enjoyed seeing her team up with the castle cook to do it. There are some terrific cooking scenes -- soup! turnips! -- and I loved the use of menus at the beginning of some of the chapters. There are also some really funny insertions of modern life into Viking times, such as "Save a longship - Ride a Viking!" and teaching Viking women about birth control.
It's not all fun times though, as Cnut discovers that there are lucipires lurking in the woods around his home. Though easily dealing with those he finds, there's more to come. A woman from his past unexpectedly appears, bringing trouble with her. It was interesting to see him try to deal with her when all he wants is to be with Andrea. It doesn't help things that the woman and her traveling companions all carry the scent of rancid lemons, a sure sign that the lucipires have struck. This is confirmed by the unexpected arrival of Zebulon who has been given direct orders by Jasper regarding Cnut. There's a great deal of angst as Cnut tries to do the right thing as he sees it and still protect Andrea. I ached for him as things don't go the way he expected and the guilt tears at him. I had a hard time liking Michael at this point. Though things ended well for the vangels, poor Zeb is left to face the music. I can't wait to read his book, as he surely deserves to have his own happy ending.
captain_readbeard's review
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
2.0
Badly written without being self aware. Eye rolling cringe with no entertainment.
allingoodfun's review against another edition
Got to the Holocaust joke and stopped.
beanhoarder's review against another edition
1.0
Funny, but probably not in the way the author intended.
xeponine89's review against another edition
adventurous
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? N/A
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
lissasgarden's review
1.0
If I could give this book less than 0 stars, I would. It’s so terrible I don’t understand.
I have had to amend my rating to 1 star cause there were limited parts of the book that I enjoyed. Namely, the “save a longboat, ride a Viking” bit made me laugh every time.
I have had to amend my rating to 1 star cause there were limited parts of the book that I enjoyed. Namely, the “save a longboat, ride a Viking” bit made me laugh every time.
oxeyed's review
4.0
This book has the special designation of being The Worst Book I've ever read. I will treasure it for many many years.
Edit (5/17/2021): increasing my rating from one to four stars to reflect my actual enjoyment of the book instead of an arbitrary judgment on its value.
I try to expose myself to a lot of different types of art. But it’s pretty lame of me to dunk on something I actually had fun reading because I want people to know that I can tell the difference between “good” art and “bad” art. Truth is, this book was a good time. Every time I read a romance novel, I’m hoping it will live up to this series’ level of camp and corniness. This book is memorable for me, and I’ve read a lot of it other, “better” books that don’t claim that distinction. My apologies to the author.
Edit (5/17/2021): increasing my rating from one to four stars to reflect my actual enjoyment of the book instead of an arbitrary judgment on its value.
I try to expose myself to a lot of different types of art. But it’s pretty lame of me to dunk on something I actually had fun reading because I want people to know that I can tell the difference between “good” art and “bad” art. Truth is, this book was a good time. Every time I read a romance novel, I’m hoping it will live up to this series’ level of camp and corniness. This book is memorable for me, and I’ve read a lot of it other, “better” books that don’t claim that distinction. My apologies to the author.