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sh78196's review against another edition
3.0
I liked the overall book just fine. There were interesting statistics, and the short glimpses into others lives that are the same age as me made me feel less alone.
This is probably a book those in the upper middle class will relate with more. The author says she interviewed people from all income levels. But I have zero friends who have the money and other wealth factors that she mentions in here. I'm middle class. Well, now with inflation I may be borderline lower middle class. Nannies, multiple new cars, living in NY or LA, etc. I just don't relate to that. At all.
She also had slmany references to being the generation of older moms. Again, I don't relate. I know maybe 2 people who had kids past 35. But many, many situations talk about the struggles of older moms. Again, that's fine but I think not a true representation of our generation to say more of us have kids in their late 30s and all the way through to mid 40s.
The book is a good message. It's a short, easy read. I do recommend it for sure.
This is probably a book those in the upper middle class will relate with more. The author says she interviewed people from all income levels. But I have zero friends who have the money and other wealth factors that she mentions in here. I'm middle class. Well, now with inflation I may be borderline lower middle class. Nannies, multiple new cars, living in NY or LA, etc. I just don't relate to that. At all.
She also had slmany references to being the generation of older moms. Again, I don't relate. I know maybe 2 people who had kids past 35. But many, many situations talk about the struggles of older moms. Again, that's fine but I think not a true representation of our generation to say more of us have kids in their late 30s and all the way through to mid 40s.
The book is a good message. It's a short, easy read. I do recommend it for sure.
karenleagermain's review against another edition
4.0
Thank you to Grove Atlantic for providing me with a copy of Ada Calhoun’s Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, in exchange for an honest review.
In Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, Ada Calhoun explores the unique challenges facing Generation X women, who are now middle-age.
Spanning from the early 60’s to the early 80’s (there is some disagreement on the dates), Calhoun explains that many women born during this time had a challenging childhood. We ( I am a Gen-X woman) were raised by mother’s who fought for equality and told us that we could do anything. This created an immense pressure to “have it all,” even when “having it all” is an impossible goal and reaching for the brass ring has made us deeply dissatisfied. The caustic divorces that we experienced with our parents, created a drive to maintain the semblance of a perfect life for our children, to hide any cracks in the co-parenting relationship. Growing up latch-key kids and experiencing a free-roaming childhood, has turned Gen-xers into overprotective, helicopter parents. We are drowning as we fail to keep up with our self-imposed expectations.
Calhoun argues that previous generations did not put such a big emphasis on perfection. Our mothers didn’t have social media to constantly compare themselves to their friends and celebrities. They didn’t post pictures of their gluten-free cupcakes or their latest beach vacation. They didn’t feel a constant pressure to keep looking youthful. Societal pressure to go vegan or to believe in a certain movement didn’t plague them every time they looked at their phone, because cell phones didn’t exist. Social media didn’t exist.
Interestingly, Calhoun explains that the pressure to compare and to be perfect seems to be felt more strongly with Gen X. Younger generations don’t seem as worried about what people think. Perhaps it is because Gen Xer’s were older when social media became common place. I was born at the end of Gen X and Facebook wasn’t popular until I was in my 30’s. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have my teen years and 20’s recorded on social media. Calhoun notes that younger generations seem to post on social media with less worry of how it will be perceived, where as Gen X is more careful regarding what they post. We are a generation that has quickly adapted to technology, yet we have not had it in our lives the same way that the generations after us have experienced.
Why We Can’t Sleep made me feel stressed. I can attest to the feelings of perfectionism and failure. I’ve entered my 40’s happy with my life. I don’t have children ( two wonderful step-children, but they are only with us for holidays), so perhaps that lessens the intensity of needing to prove something or create a certain life. I think it gives me freedom. Still, I had a mom who drove home the idea that “anything is possible,” which, as I reflect, doesn't feel true. I entered the work force and experienced inequality. My mom gave me a clear message that men should not be fully trusted, yet she also pushed a traditional marriage. I was told to be both independent and dependent. It was confusing.
Additionally, Calhoun pointed out something that I didn’t realize I was resentful over, until I read it. She mentions that there is now a backlash for the freedom that we experienced in childhood. I was a latchkey child starting in third grade and although there were adult neighbors, I was basically left home summers/holidays/after school, from the age of eight. That would be unheard of now, but my mom was a working, single-mom and we had no choice. Besides that, I don’t really remember my mom being engaged with me. When we were home together, I was told to play outside or in my room. Maybe it’s because my mom had me later in life, but she continued the, “children should be seen and not heard” motto from her generation. There were times that my mom did things with me, like take me to museums or to the movies, but on a whole, I was on my own. Calhoun says that this was common for Gen X childhoods and this has prompted many Gen X parents to become uber engaged with their children. I see this in my friends with their parenting styles. I realize that my mom had to work and things were hard, but I do feel that I was disconnected with her as a child and did not become close to her until I became an adult.
Calhoun tackles perimenopause and the options that women have to ease this transition. She states that this is an important life change that is simply not discussed. I agree, I’ve never discussed this with anyone, including my doctors. I’m 42 and I haven’t noticed much of a change yet, but I appreciate that Calhoun speaks to this topic.
With everything going on in the world with corona virus, I’m not sure that it was good timing to read Why We Can’t Sleep. I made me feel more anxiety. That said, I think Calhoun has written an important book that is worth a read. I will definitely recommend it to friends of my generation.
Like my review? Check out my blog!
In Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, Ada Calhoun explores the unique challenges facing Generation X women, who are now middle-age.
Spanning from the early 60’s to the early 80’s (there is some disagreement on the dates), Calhoun explains that many women born during this time had a challenging childhood. We ( I am a Gen-X woman) were raised by mother’s who fought for equality and told us that we could do anything. This created an immense pressure to “have it all,” even when “having it all” is an impossible goal and reaching for the brass ring has made us deeply dissatisfied. The caustic divorces that we experienced with our parents, created a drive to maintain the semblance of a perfect life for our children, to hide any cracks in the co-parenting relationship. Growing up latch-key kids and experiencing a free-roaming childhood, has turned Gen-xers into overprotective, helicopter parents. We are drowning as we fail to keep up with our self-imposed expectations.
Calhoun argues that previous generations did not put such a big emphasis on perfection. Our mothers didn’t have social media to constantly compare themselves to their friends and celebrities. They didn’t post pictures of their gluten-free cupcakes or their latest beach vacation. They didn’t feel a constant pressure to keep looking youthful. Societal pressure to go vegan or to believe in a certain movement didn’t plague them every time they looked at their phone, because cell phones didn’t exist. Social media didn’t exist.
Interestingly, Calhoun explains that the pressure to compare and to be perfect seems to be felt more strongly with Gen X. Younger generations don’t seem as worried about what people think. Perhaps it is because Gen Xer’s were older when social media became common place. I was born at the end of Gen X and Facebook wasn’t popular until I was in my 30’s. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have my teen years and 20’s recorded on social media. Calhoun notes that younger generations seem to post on social media with less worry of how it will be perceived, where as Gen X is more careful regarding what they post. We are a generation that has quickly adapted to technology, yet we have not had it in our lives the same way that the generations after us have experienced.
Why We Can’t Sleep made me feel stressed. I can attest to the feelings of perfectionism and failure. I’ve entered my 40’s happy with my life. I don’t have children ( two wonderful step-children, but they are only with us for holidays), so perhaps that lessens the intensity of needing to prove something or create a certain life. I think it gives me freedom. Still, I had a mom who drove home the idea that “anything is possible,” which, as I reflect, doesn't feel true. I entered the work force and experienced inequality. My mom gave me a clear message that men should not be fully trusted, yet she also pushed a traditional marriage. I was told to be both independent and dependent. It was confusing.
Additionally, Calhoun pointed out something that I didn’t realize I was resentful over, until I read it. She mentions that there is now a backlash for the freedom that we experienced in childhood. I was a latchkey child starting in third grade and although there were adult neighbors, I was basically left home summers/holidays/after school, from the age of eight. That would be unheard of now, but my mom was a working, single-mom and we had no choice. Besides that, I don’t really remember my mom being engaged with me. When we were home together, I was told to play outside or in my room. Maybe it’s because my mom had me later in life, but she continued the, “children should be seen and not heard” motto from her generation. There were times that my mom did things with me, like take me to museums or to the movies, but on a whole, I was on my own. Calhoun says that this was common for Gen X childhoods and this has prompted many Gen X parents to become uber engaged with their children. I see this in my friends with their parenting styles. I realize that my mom had to work and things were hard, but I do feel that I was disconnected with her as a child and did not become close to her until I became an adult.
Calhoun tackles perimenopause and the options that women have to ease this transition. She states that this is an important life change that is simply not discussed. I agree, I’ve never discussed this with anyone, including my doctors. I’m 42 and I haven’t noticed much of a change yet, but I appreciate that Calhoun speaks to this topic.
With everything going on in the world with corona virus, I’m not sure that it was good timing to read Why We Can’t Sleep. I made me feel more anxiety. That said, I think Calhoun has written an important book that is worth a read. I will definitely recommend it to friends of my generation.
Like my review? Check out my blog!
balletbookworm's review against another edition
4.0
3.5 stars rolled up to 4. I did really like the concept of this book and breadth of subjects Calhoun spoke with for this book. A lot of these books seem to always really concentrate on women in one slice of the demographic, but she went pretty wide. But after so much "ack! Gen X, what is going wrong!?" I felt there was too little "maybe this is what we can do to gain our equilibrium". We hit the chapter on perimenopause and then stuff that worked for Calhoun, which yay, but it felt unfinished as to what we should do.
rebecanunez's review against another edition
4.0
** Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with the digital copy of this book in exchange for my honest review **
Como alguien que ha tenido dificultades con el sueño, ya el titulo me llamo la atención, pero el libro trata de mas que eso. Es un libro que trata sobre cómo es el estilo de vida de la mujer actual. Me encanto que el punto de vista sea femenino. Ademas tiene un punto de vista que es generacionalmente mas cercano, lo cual lo hizo más interesante para mí. La lectura es amena y fácil. Lo recomiendo.
Como alguien que ha tenido dificultades con el sueño, ya el titulo me llamo la atención, pero el libro trata de mas que eso. Es un libro que trata sobre cómo es el estilo de vida de la mujer actual. Me encanto que el punto de vista sea femenino. Ademas tiene un punto de vista que es generacionalmente mas cercano, lo cual lo hizo más interesante para mí. La lectura es amena y fácil. Lo recomiendo.
pboutin75's review against another edition
1.0
DNF. Whiny and depressing. I may try to finish later but right now it's giving me reasons to be depressed which hadn't really bothered me until she mentioned them. Also, I'm listening to the audio book which may be more whiny than if I was reading the content.
deniser821's review against another edition
5.0
Sometimes the right book comes along at the right time and Why We Can’t Sleep was the book I needed to read during this Covid time.
Ada Calhoun writes specifically about Generation X women reaching midlife and the various struggles we are dealing with.
It was nostalgic and comforting reading about my generation from an author who is only one year younger than me.
Generation X is the forgotten generation. Smaller than both millennials and boomers. We were latchkey kids who learned to fend for ourselves. Even my teenagers now, will call me Boomer when irritated by something I’ve said.
This may not be the book for everyone but if you are a Generation x woman like me, you may love it.
‘That’s the other part of the midlife crisis thing, nobody, when you’re forty-five is telling you you’re awesome. Nobody. You’re kids aren’t going to say thank you and validate you and appreciate you. Work relationships are just not that; they care about your output’
‘You come to this place, midlife. You don’t know how you got here, but suddenly you are staring fifty in the face. When you turn and look back down the years, you glimpse the ghosts of the other lives you might have led. All your houses are haunted by the person you might have been.’ Hilary Mantel, Giving Up The Ghosts.
Ada Calhoun writes specifically about Generation X women reaching midlife and the various struggles we are dealing with.
It was nostalgic and comforting reading about my generation from an author who is only one year younger than me.
Generation X is the forgotten generation. Smaller than both millennials and boomers. We were latchkey kids who learned to fend for ourselves. Even my teenagers now, will call me Boomer when irritated by something I’ve said.
This may not be the book for everyone but if you are a Generation x woman like me, you may love it.
‘That’s the other part of the midlife crisis thing, nobody, when you’re forty-five is telling you you’re awesome. Nobody. You’re kids aren’t going to say thank you and validate you and appreciate you. Work relationships are just not that; they care about your output’
‘You come to this place, midlife. You don’t know how you got here, but suddenly you are staring fifty in the face. When you turn and look back down the years, you glimpse the ghosts of the other lives you might have led. All your houses are haunted by the person you might have been.’ Hilary Mantel, Giving Up The Ghosts.
bookgirl4ever's review against another edition
4.0
Funny, relatable, a good list of resources and endnotes.
The takeaways:
You’re not alone.
Perspective!
Make friends.
The takeaways:
You’re not alone.
Perspective!
Make friends.
lavoiture's review against another edition
5.0
Reading some other reviews, I get why people might not like this book. Despite what the author says, this book is mostly geared toward white, middle-aged, cis-gendered, married, educated, middle-class women.
So.
Hi.
I'm Megan. See above for a verbatim description of me. *shrug* I yam what I yam, and that's not all that I yam, but it's obviously a big part of my world view.
So that's where I'm coming at this book from. It was like the author took my life and my conversations with my friends and put it all on pages for others to read. I felt SO seen. I felt like FINALLY somebody else was validating what I'm feeling. Do I have ANY reason to be having a mid-life crisis? Not really. And yet, here we are. Perimenopause, money, relationships, kids, work, friends - it's all there.
Is this book perfect? I mean, no. She doesn't acknowledge the privilege most of the women in the book are coming from. I get that, I really do. But after a hell of a year (2020, amiright?), it was good to read something that made me feel a little bit less lonely in my bubble.
So.
Hi.
I'm Megan. See above for a verbatim description of me. *shrug* I yam what I yam, and that's not all that I yam, but it's obviously a big part of my world view.
So that's where I'm coming at this book from. It was like the author took my life and my conversations with my friends and put it all on pages for others to read. I felt SO seen. I felt like FINALLY somebody else was validating what I'm feeling. Do I have ANY reason to be having a mid-life crisis? Not really. And yet, here we are. Perimenopause, money, relationships, kids, work, friends - it's all there.
Is this book perfect? I mean, no. She doesn't acknowledge the privilege most of the women in the book are coming from. I get that, I really do. But after a hell of a year (2020, amiright?), it was good to read something that made me feel a little bit less lonely in my bubble.
doublearegee's review against another edition
5.0
This book was made of yes. Because yes. So much yes.