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Reviews tagging 'Suicidal thoughts'
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn
7 reviews
patydenisse's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
It’s a great book, I feel like it’s a must for people who’ve tried it all, podcasts, books, self care articles, etc.
I like that you have to write and think about your past and your family.
I think I’ve actually became closer to my parents while and after reading this book, it helped me a lot just to change a little bit my perspective.
I don’t give it 5 stars just because I felt there were times where the book was very repetitive and used a lot of examples of patients that felt like I had read them before or very similar.
It has a lot of trigger warnings, so I would definitely suggest reading this when you feel ok to do some self exploring and revisit trauma, look out for yourself.
I like that you have to write and think about your past and your family.
I think I’ve actually became closer to my parents while and after reading this book, it helped me a lot just to change a little bit my perspective.
I don’t give it 5 stars just because I felt there were times where the book was very repetitive and used a lot of examples of patients that felt like I had read them before or very similar.
It has a lot of trigger warnings, so I would definitely suggest reading this when you feel ok to do some self exploring and revisit trauma, look out for yourself.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Cancer, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Genocide, Gun violence, Hate crime, Infertility, Infidelity, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Racism, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Terminal illness, Torture, Violence, Antisemitism, Grief, Car accident, Abortion, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Pregnancy, Fire/Fire injury, Cultural appropriation, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, War, and Classism
glassdanse's review against another edition
I know it has been a hot minute since I took any kind of bio class, but the science in this book is just utter bunk. I used “molecular biology of the cell” (5th ed.) by alberts et al as a reference text to make sure I wasn't just misinterpreting what he was writing. at best, wolynn's writing on dna, heritability, and epigenetics is just really poor but I think I'm being generous here.
the name rachel yehuda rang some bells, and I think it was because I had read something on a 2015 study she did. it looked at approx 30 holocaust survivors, and approx 20 post-war descendants. you do not need to be a statistical wizard to understand that to make large scale claims off of such a tiny study is a major flaw of any study, to say nothing of how epigenetic changes across generations should not be studied in parent / child sets so even the methodology has cause for concern. I believe this study only looked at a small number of genes too, further adding to the statistical muddiness. epigenetic trauma proponents also fail to explain the actual mechanisms such a process would use or how this all fits into the current understanding
I mention so much since the scientific hypothesis of this book seems to hinge so much of itself on yehuda's work, although it fails to mention any of the criticisms laid against her work, nor does it offer any alternative view points.
plus, this study does not work to separate out the influence of family or cultural stories, and experiences, or other health conditions. that's just sloppy. sister studies (by other scientists) come with similar problems.
there were other serious problems in the few pages I read, but this was the most glaring.
the name rachel yehuda rang some bells, and I think it was because I had read something on a 2015 study she did. it looked at approx 30 holocaust survivors, and approx 20 post-war descendants. you do not need to be a statistical wizard to understand that to make large scale claims off of such a tiny study is a major flaw of any study, to say nothing of how epigenetic changes across generations should not be studied in parent / child sets so even the methodology has cause for concern. I believe this study only looked at a small number of genes too, further adding to the statistical muddiness. epigenetic trauma proponents also fail to explain the actual mechanisms such a process would use or how this all fits into the current understanding
I mention so much since the scientific hypothesis of this book seems to hinge so much of itself on yehuda's work, although it fails to mention any of the criticisms laid against her work, nor does it offer any alternative view points.
plus, this study does not work to separate out the influence of family or cultural stories, and experiences, or other health conditions. that's just sloppy. sister studies (by other scientists) come with similar problems.
there were other serious problems in the few pages I read, but this was the most glaring.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Genocide, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide attempt
tdubs15's review against another edition
While I understand the general premise and message of the book, it was a little disheartening to see that a lot of people who have s**cidal thoughts/ideation magically didn't feel that way when they realized that someone in their past actually felt that way. I thought the past would be acknowledged and validated but that there would be coping mechanisms and advice given to help. Instead, it felt more like a series of short stories/anecdotes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, and Murder
katharina90's review against another edition
reflective
medium-paced
2.5
This is a pseudoscience book that's best consumed with a healthy dose of critical thinking. Take what serves, leave the rest.
Some bits resonated and rang true for me. At other times I found the conclusions far-fetched or too simplistic, and the suggestions unhelpful.
While I believe in inherited family trauma, the ways in which trauma has been carried down in my family doesn't line up neatly with what's described in this book.
The author pushes repeatedly for a repair of strained/broken child-parent relationships which I don't think is always possible or helpful. It may even result in further harm if the parent isn't able or willing to address their own trauma and be accountable for the harm they themselves have caused.
However, if we interpret healing as finding peace and acceptance independent of our interpersonal relationship with our parent, I think there is a lot of value to be found.
Interrupting the cycle of trauma by healing yourself, accepting your parents' limitations, and adjusting your expectations and boundaries accordingly seems like a healthy path forward.
A guiding question that stood out to me in that context is:
"Can you stay open in your body when you think of them?"
Another takeaway was to use lessons learned to help break the cycle: "Can you receive something good from what they gave you?" A parent's cruelty could become the reason for your kindess.
Some bits resonated and rang true for me. At other times I found the conclusions far-fetched or too simplistic, and the suggestions unhelpful.
While I believe in inherited family trauma, the ways in which trauma has been carried down in my family doesn't line up neatly with what's described in this book.
The author pushes repeatedly for a repair of strained/broken child-parent relationships which I don't think is always possible or helpful. It may even result in further harm if the parent isn't able or willing to address their own trauma and be accountable for the harm they themselves have caused.
However, if we interpret healing as finding peace and acceptance independent of our interpersonal relationship with our parent, I think there is a lot of value to be found.
Interrupting the cycle of trauma by healing yourself, accepting your parents' limitations, and adjusting your expectations and boundaries accordingly seems like a healthy path forward.
A guiding question that stood out to me in that context is:
"Can you stay open in your body when you think of them?"
Another takeaway was to use lessons learned to help break the cycle: "Can you receive something good from what they gave you?" A parent's cruelty could become the reason for your kindess.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child death, Death, Genocide, Mental illness, and Suicidal thoughts
bluejayreads's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
4.5
In my online research about trauma, I came across the idea of intergenerational trauma – that you can inherit the trauma of your ancestors. However, the sites that talked about healing your intergenerational trauma also tended to be the type that advised rose quartz would heal your mother wound and other such less-than-scientific “treatments.” So I was excited for this book, hoping to get a more trustworthy look at intergenerational trauma and see if the idea has any scientific merit.
I was surprised to find that it actually does. The book starts with a solid scientific foundation, discussing the basics of epigenetics and how trauma not only changes our own genes, but the genes that go into our egg and sperm cells that later become our children. It traces why trauma can be shared back three generations but often isn’t passed down longer than that, and it discusses how outside of genetics, family dynamics can encourage people to take on traumas from relatives they’re not directly descended from (e.g. aunts and uncles). I was fascinated to find such a strong scientific basis for inheriting trauma.
The bulk of this book, though, is a healing program to help the reader identify the trauma, figure out who in their family system it actually belongs to, and “give it back” so they don’t have to deal with a trauma that isn’t even theirs. There’s an assortment of writing and reflection exercises, interspersed with nearly-miraculous stories of healing from people Mark has taken through these steps. You’re supposed to do each of the exercises as you read, but I was listening to this at work and couldn’t really stop doing my job and pull out a notebook. I did do one of the exercises (number 12, I think) on a break, and it was intense and enlightening. This is one of those books that I want to read again in a different format so I can follow along better and actually do the exercises.
Though I think this book can and will be very helpful, I don’t think it’s perfect. The stories of recovery Mark shares seem almost impossible in their rapidity and completeness, which makes me skeptical, but I’m going to reserve judgement on that until I actually try all the steps. What bothered me the most was towards the end, the book harped really hard on forgiving your parents, reconciling with them, and putting effort into having a relationship with them. Putting aside the fact that I’m definitely not ready to forgive my mother, I kept thinking, What if your parents aren’t safe? I don’t think my parents would be physically violent or attempt to ruin my life or anything like that when I come out to them, but I highly doubt they’ll be willing to use my real name and pronouns. Should I just live with their clear and obvious disregard for who I am just to have a relationship with my parents? And what about queer people who are in legitimate physical danger of injury or even death from parents who won’t accept them? Should they put themselves in danger to attempt a relationship with parents who would rather have a dead child than a gay or trans one? It’s all well and good when your parents still love you and the only thing between you and them is trauma, separation, and/or differences in how you give and receive love, but I have to imagine there are ways to heal that don’t involve exposing yourself to people who are dangerous to you.
That said, I still consider this a valuable book. It has a solid basis in science, and it’s full of practical steps with plenty of examples to follow. As I mentioned, this is one I want to get in physical or ebook form to actually follow along with the steps. (The audiobook is supposed to have a PDF with the exercises and diagrams, but my library apparently doesn’t include accompanying PDFs with audiobooks.) Though I’m skeptical about advising “you need a relationship with your parents” to everyone, overall I think this is a very important book.
Content Warnings
Minor: Addiction, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Genocide, Suicidal thoughts, and Death of parent
lookingforwonder's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
2.5
The first couple of chapters are very informative when it comes to inherited trauma. The rest of it is more of a self-help book. I had anticipated more scientific background, but the book often comes out more Freudian and there's no studies to back up his suggestions of how to help people with inherited trauma. And the author's claim that "psychopaths" (which is already a loaded term mental health professionals shouldn't be using) are created by parental neglect has been debunked. This made me question the first two chapters I'd thought were well-researched. Still, some of the self-reflection questions may help people and it does have some interesting research included on inherited trauma. The author shares his client's stories (with their permission and detailed altered) which deal with family trauma and the subsequent result of how it affected the client. These stories include various kinds of trauma, told in passing more than graphic. I've labelled the ones I've remembered, but I'm sure I'm missing a few.
Content Warnings
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Chronic illness, Death, Genocide, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Antisemitism, Grief, and Death of parent