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turtlesreads's review
4.0
Her TedTalk about how to have a better conversation is one of my all time favorites- so of course I had to check out the follow up book- which only added to what I learned in the TedTalk.
If you're interested in having better conversations- I highly recommend this one.
If you're interested in having better conversations- I highly recommend this one.
lindsayb's review against another edition
5.0
That was fabulous! I was thoroughly engrossed from beginning to end. There's a lot here that makes so much sense, but I'd never *really* thought of it before. I feel like I identified so many of my own flaws in how I converse with others...I'm such a jerk! This has definitely rewired the way I experience and value interactions with other people and will hopefully influence me to become a better friend, family member, and colleague to all those I encounter. Bonus: the audio is superb! Short and sweet--I was hooked and tore through it swiftly. Thanks, Gina, for bringing this to my attention!!
pattydsf's review against another edition
3.0
”The researchers at the Greater Good Science Center… recommend increasing empathy through interaction. They offer four simple ways to increase empathy:
1. Active listening
2. Sharing in other people’s joy
3. Looking for commonalities with others
4. Paying attention to faces
Want to accomplish all of these things at once? Have a conversation.”
I checked this book out sometime in 2019 because I knew that listening was going to get hard during the presidential campaign of 2020. However, I never got around to reading this and other people wanted to read it. I am not sure what made me check it out again, but trying to have better conversations is worth attempting at any time.
Headlee has done a good job of summarizing not only why we should try to have better conversations, but she also includes ways to improve our ability to talk and listen. I already guessed that I could do a better job when talking to others, especially those I disagree with. Headlee confirmed my suspicions.
The second half of this book is something I will need to revisit. I know that I can’t work on every part at once. I am going to try to keep things short and stop repeating myself. If I manage to do these, then I will come back and look at the other chapters.
Since this was the first book I finished this year, I don’t have any links to other things I have been reading.
1. Active listening
2. Sharing in other people’s joy
3. Looking for commonalities with others
4. Paying attention to faces
Want to accomplish all of these things at once? Have a conversation.”
I checked this book out sometime in 2019 because I knew that listening was going to get hard during the presidential campaign of 2020. However, I never got around to reading this and other people wanted to read it. I am not sure what made me check it out again, but trying to have better conversations is worth attempting at any time.
Headlee has done a good job of summarizing not only why we should try to have better conversations, but she also includes ways to improve our ability to talk and listen. I already guessed that I could do a better job when talking to others, especially those I disagree with. Headlee confirmed my suspicions.
The second half of this book is something I will need to revisit. I know that I can’t work on every part at once. I am going to try to keep things short and stop repeating myself. If I manage to do these, then I will come back and look at the other chapters.
Since this was the first book I finished this year, I don’t have any links to other things I have been reading.
ninjalawyer's review
2.0
A short book that I couldn’t stop putting down. I grabbed this after hearing an interview with the author on a podcast, and wish I hadn’t.
Despite its shortness, the author doesn’t really offer enough interesting points on having better conversations to fill it. Instead, the book is crammed with study after scientific study, which would be fine except:
1) the studies often add nothing and, at least in some cases, seem to be mentioned only to hit a word count.
2) I get the impression that the author’s just using the gloss of science to give what would otherwise be totally banal advice more gravitas.
3) I have no reason to trust that the author knows how to read and interpret scientific studies. Maybe she does, but the depth she goes into on any one study is basically at the level of catchy Buzzfeed headline.
There’s a few good bits, and when the author uses an anecdote rather than a study things improve, but the book is just too full of cruft to recommend to anyone.
Despite its shortness, the author doesn’t really offer enough interesting points on having better conversations to fill it. Instead, the book is crammed with study after scientific study, which would be fine except:
1) the studies often add nothing and, at least in some cases, seem to be mentioned only to hit a word count.
2) I get the impression that the author’s just using the gloss of science to give what would otherwise be totally banal advice more gravitas.
3) I have no reason to trust that the author knows how to read and interpret scientific studies. Maybe she does, but the depth she goes into on any one study is basically at the level of catchy Buzzfeed headline.
There’s a few good bits, and when the author uses an anecdote rather than a study things improve, but the book is just too full of cruft to recommend to anyone.
bookofcinz's review
3.0
I first encountered the author when I randomly watched her Ted Talk on how to improve your conversations. I felt that her Ted Talk was engaging and offered really practical tips on how you can be a better conversationalist. I saw this book and I felt it would be great to refresh and improve my conversation skills. Before I continue, if you watched her Ted Talk, honestly you can skip the book because majority of what was said in the Ted Talk was just expounded on in this book.
I found out while reading this book that I am a conversational narcissist … yes I know, I am a horrible person. Sociologist Charles Derber describes this tendency to insert oneself into a conversation as “conversational narcissism.” It’s the desire to take over a conversation, to do most of the talking, and to turn the focus of the exchange to yourself. It is often subtle and unconscious.
Derber writes that conversational narcissism “is the key manifestation of the dominant attention-getting psychology in America. It occurs in informal conversations among friends, family, and coworkers.
So you get why I need to read a book like this and improve? I did enjoy reading this book and I do feel like I will get a physical copy so I can flip to when I feel like my conversations are waning. Here are some advice that Celeste Headless suggests and some things I found interesting.
The business psychiatrist Mark Goulston says we only have about forty seconds to speak during a conversation before we run the risk of dominating the exchange. He describes the first twenty seconds as the green light, when the other person likes you and is enjoying what you have to say. The next twenty seconds are the yellow light, when “the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded.” At forty seconds, Goulston says, the light turns red and it’s time to stop talking.
A great reminder for everyone.
I found out while reading this book that I am a conversational narcissist … yes I know, I am a horrible person. Sociologist Charles Derber describes this tendency to insert oneself into a conversation as “conversational narcissism.” It’s the desire to take over a conversation, to do most of the talking, and to turn the focus of the exchange to yourself. It is often subtle and unconscious.
Derber writes that conversational narcissism “is the key manifestation of the dominant attention-getting psychology in America. It occurs in informal conversations among friends, family, and coworkers.
So you get why I need to read a book like this and improve? I did enjoy reading this book and I do feel like I will get a physical copy so I can flip to when I feel like my conversations are waning. Here are some advice that Celeste Headless suggests and some things I found interesting.
The business psychiatrist Mark Goulston says we only have about forty seconds to speak during a conversation before we run the risk of dominating the exchange. He describes the first twenty seconds as the green light, when the other person likes you and is enjoying what you have to say. The next twenty seconds are the yellow light, when “the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded.” At forty seconds, Goulston says, the light turns red and it’s time to stop talking.
A great reminder for everyone.
jkkb332's review
3.0
I wouldn't have chosen to read this on my own, but it was the selection for my team's bookclub this month. I like participating so I figured why not. It sounded interesting enough, and conversation is a skill that I feel like I can always improve on.
I liked a lot of Headlee's points. The part that stood out to me the most is when she talks about empathy and how important it is to having a real conversation. I'm a pretty empathetic person, but it made me realize I'm not doing a good job of teaching my boys to be empathetic. We don't talk enough about feeling what others might be feeling, and I'm going to change that.
Headlee talks a lot about herself in this book. She uses her own learning curve as illustrations of both good and bad conversations. While a lot of the book is her talking about how good she's gotten at conversation and how she's gotten there, I think it's warranted. She's got an impressive resume as a journalist and radio/TV host, so she's had a lot more opportunities to hone her skills than most people.
Overall, I feel like a lot of this is common sense, but it's good to have to laid out in an easily digestible format. I'm not totally convinced by her argument that the unrest and divide in our country is due to a lack of good quality conversation, but I do think it contributes. Unfortunately, the people who need this book most are probably not very likely to read it.
I would suggest this to anyone who wants practical tips on how to hold good quality conversations, to go beyond the surface to truly get to know and understand people.
P.S. This is my 52nd book for the year and completes my 2023 reading challenge. :)
I liked a lot of Headlee's points. The part that stood out to me the most is when she talks about empathy and how important it is to having a real conversation. I'm a pretty empathetic person, but it made me realize I'm not doing a good job of teaching my boys to be empathetic. We don't talk enough about feeling what others might be feeling, and I'm going to change that.
Headlee talks a lot about herself in this book. She uses her own learning curve as illustrations of both good and bad conversations. While a lot of the book is her talking about how good she's gotten at conversation and how she's gotten there, I think it's warranted. She's got an impressive resume as a journalist and radio/TV host, so she's had a lot more opportunities to hone her skills than most people.
Overall, I feel like a lot of this is common sense, but it's good to have to laid out in an easily digestible format. I'm not totally convinced by her argument that the unrest and divide in our country is due to a lack of good quality conversation, but I do think it contributes. Unfortunately, the people who need this book most are probably not very likely to read it.
I would suggest this to anyone who wants practical tips on how to hold good quality conversations, to go beyond the surface to truly get to know and understand people.
P.S. This is my 52nd book for the year and completes my 2023 reading challenge. :)
thematinee's review against another edition
5.0
This is a topic that's become deeply important to me over the last few years - both as someone who publishes conversations as podcasts, and in my daily life. We could all listen more - all make a deeper effort to engage.
A lot of what Headlee brings up hit bullseyes for me...so here's hoping it will help me be a better listener and a better conversationalist.
A lot of what Headlee brings up hit bullseyes for me...so here's hoping it will help me be a better listener and a better conversationalist.
amn028's review against another edition
5.0
I am a terrible communicator, especially in face to face conversations. This book provides some good tips on how to work on my shortcomings. The first part is an overview with the writer using personal stories to reinforce her points. I found this interesting and helpful. Finding others discussing their own personal failures and how they could/should have prevented them is a learning opportunity to look at my own failures. The second part of the book provides tips and guidance on how to be a better communicator. Again, these tips are backed up with personal antidotes and experiences. There was a lot to take away from this book. I read it twice; the second time focusing specifically on areas that I wanted to reinforce into my brain. It is the type of book that is worthwhile having your own copy of so you can revisit it occasionally. Both times reading it, I learned something new or thought of a different perspective.
karajrapp's review against another edition
3.0
A solid three and a half stars, this book is a quick and worthwhile read. Condensing it some might have given it a more effective punch, but Headlee provides helpful advice on how to reclaim the lost art of meaningful conversation. My boiled-down takeaways: stop the distractions, listen (actually), and don't be a conversational narcissist.
melissa_427's review against another edition
4.0
So much to glean from these pages... Lots of insight, conviction, anecdotes and research.
Below: a smattering of my favorite thoughts.
"Empathy, at its most basic, is the ability to sense someone else’s feelings, to be aware of their emotional state, and to imagine their experience."
"Approaching emotional problems with logic is a strategy that is doomed to failure."
"...to train my mind to see others as individuals who face daily challenges that are equal to mine."
"You must commit to a conversation, even the brief ones, or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone."
"There is no belief so strong that it cannot be set aside temporarily in order to learn from someone who disagrees. Don’t worry; your beliefs will still be there when you’re done."
"As the years have passed, I’ve noticed that conversations have deteriorated and people seem to be less inclined to seek out information from diverse sources. We no longer feel we understand each other, and therefore we don’t trust each other."
Below: a smattering of my favorite thoughts.
"Empathy, at its most basic, is the ability to sense someone else’s feelings, to be aware of their emotional state, and to imagine their experience."
"Approaching emotional problems with logic is a strategy that is doomed to failure."
"...to train my mind to see others as individuals who face daily challenges that are equal to mine."
"You must commit to a conversation, even the brief ones, or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone."
"There is no belief so strong that it cannot be set aside temporarily in order to learn from someone who disagrees. Don’t worry; your beliefs will still be there when you’re done."
"As the years have passed, I’ve noticed that conversations have deteriorated and people seem to be less inclined to seek out information from diverse sources. We no longer feel we understand each other, and therefore we don’t trust each other."