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melissa_427's review against another edition
4.0
So much to glean from these pages... Lots of insight, conviction, anecdotes and research.
Below: a smattering of my favorite thoughts.
"Empathy, at its most basic, is the ability to sense someone else’s feelings, to be aware of their emotional state, and to imagine their experience."
"Approaching emotional problems with logic is a strategy that is doomed to failure."
"...to train my mind to see others as individuals who face daily challenges that are equal to mine."
"You must commit to a conversation, even the brief ones, or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone."
"There is no belief so strong that it cannot be set aside temporarily in order to learn from someone who disagrees. Don’t worry; your beliefs will still be there when you’re done."
"As the years have passed, I’ve noticed that conversations have deteriorated and people seem to be less inclined to seek out information from diverse sources. We no longer feel we understand each other, and therefore we don’t trust each other."
Below: a smattering of my favorite thoughts.
"Empathy, at its most basic, is the ability to sense someone else’s feelings, to be aware of their emotional state, and to imagine their experience."
"Approaching emotional problems with logic is a strategy that is doomed to failure."
"...to train my mind to see others as individuals who face daily challenges that are equal to mine."
"You must commit to a conversation, even the brief ones, or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone."
"There is no belief so strong that it cannot be set aside temporarily in order to learn from someone who disagrees. Don’t worry; your beliefs will still be there when you’re done."
"As the years have passed, I’ve noticed that conversations have deteriorated and people seem to be less inclined to seek out information from diverse sources. We no longer feel we understand each other, and therefore we don’t trust each other."
farbooksventure's review against another edition
Something about the tone of the writing in this one doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not interested to saw to it until the end.
I'm not interested to saw to it until the end.
avery_rivers's review against another edition
5.0
Like many others, I found my way to this book through Headlee's phenomenal TED Talk. I absolutely love her TED Talk and have watched, and shared it, multiple times. The book was not a disappointment - there were a lot of interesting facts and anecdotes in it and the advice offered is meaningful.
colourmeread's review against another edition
4.0
We Need to Talk is a book everyone needs to read. If you’ve ever been frustrated with other people for the things they do when having a conversation, be it interrupting you, not listening to you, or always turning the conversation to focus on themselves, you need this book. We Need to Talk will not only give you information on the psychology of why we often default to these behaviours, but it also provides tips and self-check prompts to help you reflect on things you do that may be negatively impacting your conversations or your relationships. I also appreciated how it encourages readers to have conversations with people they disagree with, as a way to avoid limiting their perspective. The book is sometimes not an easy pill to swallow (who loves being self-critical?) but it’s so essential when it comes to improving ourselves and the way we talk and listen to others.
alisarae's review against another edition
This book is based on NPR show host Celeste Headlee's TED Talk, "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation."
The 10 points in the talk each have a corresponding chapter in the book. The points are:
1. Don't multitask - be fully in or fully out of the conversation.
2. Don't pontificate.
3. Use open ended questions.
4. Go with the flow / Travel together.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs.
7. Try not to repeat yourself.
8. Stay out of the weeds.
9. Listen.
10. Be brief.
There are a few other introductory chapters as well.
Why the book is worth reading even after you watch the TED Talk:
Headlee goes into a lot about empathy. That is totally missing from the talk, but it seems that the solution to nearly all of our "conversational narcissism" and inability to talk to people about touchy issues is because we lack empathy. Research supports this: in a compilation of 72 studies done over 30 years, scientists "found a 40% decline in empathy among college students, with the vast majority of that decline taking place after 2000."
We also lack self-control to hold our tongues and let our thoughts go. Headlee gives numerous examples of how meditation has helped her do both of those things, and the results of when she didn't. We don't have to correct people all the time, even if they are wrong. We don't have to say every thought that comes to mind; it doesn't really matter in the end. Keeping quiet is not the same as condoning.
The third reason is all of Headlee's personal stories and the bits of research tucked into every chapter. Her stories are so powerful that they are almost unbelievable. I guess that's what happens when you really, truly listen to the person you are talking to.
The 10 points in the talk each have a corresponding chapter in the book. The points are:
1. Don't multitask - be fully in or fully out of the conversation.
2. Don't pontificate.
3. Use open ended questions.
4. Go with the flow / Travel together.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs.
7. Try not to repeat yourself.
8. Stay out of the weeds.
9. Listen.
10. Be brief.
There are a few other introductory chapters as well.
Why the book is worth reading even after you watch the TED Talk:
Headlee goes into a lot about empathy. That is totally missing from the talk, but it seems that the solution to nearly all of our "conversational narcissism" and inability to talk to people about touchy issues is because we lack empathy. Research supports this: in a compilation of 72 studies done over 30 years, scientists "found a 40% decline in empathy among college students, with the vast majority of that decline taking place after 2000."
We also lack self-control to hold our tongues and let our thoughts go. Headlee gives numerous examples of how meditation has helped her do both of those things, and the results of when she didn't. We don't have to correct people all the time, even if they are wrong. We don't have to say every thought that comes to mind; it doesn't really matter in the end. Keeping quiet is not the same as condoning.
The third reason is all of Headlee's personal stories and the bits of research tucked into every chapter. Her stories are so powerful that they are almost unbelievable. I guess that's what happens when you really, truly listen to the person you are talking to.
kabex's review against another edition
5.0
Listen. Cut to the chase. Stop formulating your responses while people are still talking to you. This was a really interesting read!
towardinfinitybooks's review against another edition
Full of platitudes, no real insight on how to improve conversation and listening skills