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hungrybookah0lics's review against another edition
4.0
It was like reading through the pages of my journal and that is very eerie. I admire Emily for writing about something that a lot of people would rather hide but as with the others who have read the book I find dissatisfaction towards the end as it does not clearly point out a way or a solution to end the state.
meghan111's review
3.0
Kind of a sad, quiet memoir that mixes in a good amount of pop science and analysis. Emily White has struggled with loneliness, and begins seriously researching it after reaching a low point while working as an attorney. While she seems like a nice, outwardly-successful person living in Toronto, she feels horribly alone and isolated. After studying loneliness in an academic and scientific way, she argues that loneliness is distinct from depression and grief, and that it has its own specific effects on the brain and the body. I felt frustrated by the author at times - but perhaps that's part of the way we judge people who are lonely, by finding their lack of ability to change themselves annoying.
lisalikesdogs's review
1.0
I just really couldn't get into this. I felt like it was all a bunch of research and no tangible thoughts or ideas re: how not to be lonely.
marthagal's review
3.0
LONELY is part memoir and part scientific exploration of the state of loneliness. I really enjoyed the memoir part of the book, the science less so.
I lived alone for four years in my mid-twenties, and I would say I was slightly lonely during that time. I had a great social life and plenty of friends, but I was missing what White calls "the quiet presence of another person" - either a roommate or a friend that would just hang out without talking or actively doing things together. Getting married has solved that problem for me, but I wish I would have had this book to read back then. It would have made me understand what I was feeling, and not feel like there was something odd about me.
I liked this quote about the Internet and relationships and connectedness:
"If you're staring down a lion, what you need are other people on hand with tranquilizer guns. The fact that someone might be sending encouragements on their Blackberry doesn't really cut it."
Sometimes I feel like the Internet makes it easier to not *really* be there for a friend, but still feel like I've done my duty because I wrote Happy Birthday on their wall. I have to work harder to make myself not be lazy and give people that are important to me a call or make plans to do something in person.
I'm giving this only three stars because I found all the studies about loneliness sort of boring. I understand their purpose, and she succeeded in convincing me about the nature of loneliness, but I found myself skimming and wonder if those sections could have been edited down a bit. Having said that, I enjoyed it and think it would be a great read for anyone who regularly feels lonely.
I lived alone for four years in my mid-twenties, and I would say I was slightly lonely during that time. I had a great social life and plenty of friends, but I was missing what White calls "the quiet presence of another person" - either a roommate or a friend that would just hang out without talking or actively doing things together. Getting married has solved that problem for me, but I wish I would have had this book to read back then. It would have made me understand what I was feeling, and not feel like there was something odd about me.
I liked this quote about the Internet and relationships and connectedness:
"If you're staring down a lion, what you need are other people on hand with tranquilizer guns. The fact that someone might be sending encouragements on their Blackberry doesn't really cut it."
Sometimes I feel like the Internet makes it easier to not *really* be there for a friend, but still feel like I've done my duty because I wrote Happy Birthday on their wall. I have to work harder to make myself not be lazy and give people that are important to me a call or make plans to do something in person.
I'm giving this only three stars because I found all the studies about loneliness sort of boring. I understand their purpose, and she succeeded in convincing me about the nature of loneliness, but I found myself skimming and wonder if those sections could have been edited down a bit. Having said that, I enjoyed it and think it would be a great read for anyone who regularly feels lonely.
beetree's review
2.0
I liked the memoir part of this book. There were definitely things there that resonated with my lived experience, such as how loneliness can actually feel safer and how the thought of going out can actually be quite anxiety-inducing. I liked the discussion on how admitting to loneliness is really taboo (I deliberately didn't take this book places), and the stuff around how society/the media is actually contributing to it.
That being said, a lot of this book didn't work for me. I feel like the main thrust of it was basically, "Loneliness is not the same as depression. It needs to be recognized and addressed." I didn't really get anything tangible out of that. Maybe I was wishing for more concrete ways of addressing it.
The happy ending of sorts which was essentially left a bad taste in my mouth.
That being said, a lot of this book didn't work for me. I feel like the main thrust of it was basically, "Loneliness is not the same as depression. It needs to be recognized and addressed." I didn't really get anything tangible out of that. Maybe I was wishing for more concrete ways of addressing it.
The happy ending of sorts which was essentially
Spoiler
"Hurrah, I met someone. I have a life partner."tawnsolo's review
2.0
Over half of this book is the author ranting about how no one understands her loneliness and how she didn't want to tell anyone she was writing this book. I was looking for something a little more substantial. Maybe the research just isn't there yet.
danidesantis's review
2.0
It drags on a little bit, sometimes repetitive. However, she has really great insights and fuses science and her personal experience in an interesting way.
sweetpeppah's review
4.0
I found this book very powerful and personal. I read it in one weekend, in every spare moment I had(ironically, in-between visiting with some of my closest friends, which definitely helped shore me up for an intense read).
Her thesis is that Loneliness is an affliction separate from depression or social anxiety(although sometimes coincident), that it can affect one's mental and physical health, and that we need to learn more about it, be able to talk about it as caregivers and as a society, and treat it as a unique disorder.
There are a lot of gaps in our scientific/medical understanding of loneliness and social connection. The book references what few studies there are, but it's mostly personal anecdotes from the author and a group of volunteers she interviewed. The unavoidable pathos gets a little tiring, but a lot of it was incredibly resonant with my experiences, and it was exciting to see this put into words. It feels like there's an assumption that we *should* be able to be independent and not need anyone else's support or companionship to be happy, so it's often hard to talk about. But we are social creatures and we may be hardwired to feel threatened and vulnerable when we don't have connections and intimacy.
The book doesn't offer a lot of hope or answers(the author's personal story ends on a hopeful note, at least!), but it offers an echo of what many people are experiencing and a strategy for understanding and talking about it. Even if you yourself haven't been there, it may be worth a read to consider the societal consequences of people being more isolated and disconnected, and try to understand the patterns and paradoxes of someone who's experiencing loneliness.
Her thesis is that Loneliness is an affliction separate from depression or social anxiety(although sometimes coincident), that it can affect one's mental and physical health, and that we need to learn more about it, be able to talk about it as caregivers and as a society, and treat it as a unique disorder.
There are a lot of gaps in our scientific/medical understanding of loneliness and social connection. The book references what few studies there are, but it's mostly personal anecdotes from the author and a group of volunteers she interviewed. The unavoidable pathos gets a little tiring, but a lot of it was incredibly resonant with my experiences, and it was exciting to see this put into words. It feels like there's an assumption that we *should* be able to be independent and not need anyone else's support or companionship to be happy, so it's often hard to talk about. But we are social creatures and we may be hardwired to feel threatened and vulnerable when we don't have connections and intimacy.
The book doesn't offer a lot of hope or answers(the author's personal story ends on a hopeful note, at least!), but it offers an echo of what many people are experiencing and a strategy for understanding and talking about it. Even if you yourself haven't been there, it may be worth a read to consider the societal consequences of people being more isolated and disconnected, and try to understand the patterns and paradoxes of someone who's experiencing loneliness.
mhall's review
3.0
Kind of a sad, quiet memoir that mixes in a good amount of pop science and analysis. Emily White has struggled with loneliness, and begins seriously researching it after reaching a low point while working as an attorney. While she seems like a nice, outwardly-successful person living in Toronto, she feels horribly alone and isolated. After studying loneliness in an academic and scientific way, she argues that loneliness is distinct from depression and grief, and that it has its own specific effects on the brain and the body. I felt frustrated by the author at times - but perhaps that's part of the way we judge people who are lonely, by finding their lack of ability to change themselves annoying.
zoemig's review against another edition
3.0
Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude is a memoir in which author Emily White attempts to understand the chronic loneliness which has plagued her almost her entire life. Boldly stating that loneliness deserves the same attention as other mental illnesses such as depression, she intertwines her own personal story with scientific data and accounts offered by other lonely people on their experiences.
Lonely is a 2011 release I'd been greatly looking forward to, but I was somehow under the impression that the main focus of the book was memoir. Although White's personal account plays a key role in her ability to understand the struggles of loneliness, as well as being the reason she pursued writing this book at all, it is only one part of what Lonely is about. The book itself has a significant amount of scientific information, and as non-fiction takes me significantly longer to read than memoirs or fiction this was certainly not a quick read. An interesting aspect of Lonely is the insight White offers into the idea that loneliness is actually becoming an increasing issue, as well as the possible reasons for that.
Discussing social media and the internet, she writes:
"Perhaps I was being insufficiently modern, but I never felt as though I could cure my loneliness through technology. My newspaper was just a part of my apartment, less comforting than my fridge, less familiar than my toaster, and I object to the idea that I should have somehow reached out in my loneliness and tried to turn it into a friend."
Continuing to delve into the topic, she states:
"At a time when we’re being told that our needs are being met and that sociability is easy to achieve, we need to recognize a more complex truth. This truth involves us being alone more, confiding less, and getting caught up in the wheel of active socializing. Loneliness today is being egged on and aggravated by culture. It’s probably time we saw this, and stopped portraying the state as something that’s somehow the lonely person’s fault."
These excerpts clearly indicate the clear case that White makes for loneliness, and it is impossible to read Lonely and not understand how little is known about chronic loneliness, and also how little is being done to remedy that. The most powerful portion of Lonely though, is White's personal testament of her experiences and struggles with the disease, as she found herself increasingly shy and antisocial, even as her loneliness became worse. White's biggest strength lies not with her ability to gather and process information, which was clearly necessary for this book, but rather with her willingness to talk about a taboo subject, especially when it comes to sharing her personal experiences. At times however, I found Lonely too be clinical in a way that was less enjoyable for me to read, possibly because I already spend my days in the scientific field and prefer to use literature as an escape rather than an opportunity to learn detailed information about studies and statistics which were occasionally difficult to distinguish and blurred together.
Lonely is an important book because it discusses something which is too often considered a source of shame and silently swept under the rug or dismissed as depression. Unfortunately, the significant portion of Lonely which focuses on scientific studies failed to captivate me in the same way the story of White's personal journey did. I easily suggest this book for readers looking to learn more about loneliness, as a lot of research has gone into the book. Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude provides insight into a condition where a lot of information is still needed, luckily this book is a step in the right direction.
Lonely is a 2011 release I'd been greatly looking forward to, but I was somehow under the impression that the main focus of the book was memoir. Although White's personal account plays a key role in her ability to understand the struggles of loneliness, as well as being the reason she pursued writing this book at all, it is only one part of what Lonely is about. The book itself has a significant amount of scientific information, and as non-fiction takes me significantly longer to read than memoirs or fiction this was certainly not a quick read. An interesting aspect of Lonely is the insight White offers into the idea that loneliness is actually becoming an increasing issue, as well as the possible reasons for that.
Discussing social media and the internet, she writes:
"Perhaps I was being insufficiently modern, but I never felt as though I could cure my loneliness through technology. My newspaper was just a part of my apartment, less comforting than my fridge, less familiar than my toaster, and I object to the idea that I should have somehow reached out in my loneliness and tried to turn it into a friend."
Continuing to delve into the topic, she states:
"At a time when we’re being told that our needs are being met and that sociability is easy to achieve, we need to recognize a more complex truth. This truth involves us being alone more, confiding less, and getting caught up in the wheel of active socializing. Loneliness today is being egged on and aggravated by culture. It’s probably time we saw this, and stopped portraying the state as something that’s somehow the lonely person’s fault."
These excerpts clearly indicate the clear case that White makes for loneliness, and it is impossible to read Lonely and not understand how little is known about chronic loneliness, and also how little is being done to remedy that. The most powerful portion of Lonely though, is White's personal testament of her experiences and struggles with the disease, as she found herself increasingly shy and antisocial, even as her loneliness became worse. White's biggest strength lies not with her ability to gather and process information, which was clearly necessary for this book, but rather with her willingness to talk about a taboo subject, especially when it comes to sharing her personal experiences. At times however, I found Lonely too be clinical in a way that was less enjoyable for me to read, possibly because I already spend my days in the scientific field and prefer to use literature as an escape rather than an opportunity to learn detailed information about studies and statistics which were occasionally difficult to distinguish and blurred together.
Lonely is an important book because it discusses something which is too often considered a source of shame and silently swept under the rug or dismissed as depression. Unfortunately, the significant portion of Lonely which focuses on scientific studies failed to captivate me in the same way the story of White's personal journey did. I easily suggest this book for readers looking to learn more about loneliness, as a lot of research has gone into the book. Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude provides insight into a condition where a lot of information is still needed, luckily this book is a step in the right direction.