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alykat264's review against another edition
4.5
Written for parents, but extremely valuable for educators as well.
alykat_reads's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
"Your job [as a parent] is to support and love your children."
This book was absolutely wonderful, and I recommend all parents to read it. I feel like I've already transitioned a bit to this style of parenting - not pushing my child to do sports if he doesn't want to, and trying to allow him to make choices. A lot of this will become more applicable as he gets older and we come across homework and extracurriculars through school, etc. But this really reinforces that teaching your child how to manage their responsibilities and make them accountable for themselves is what is so important - not that they were reading by age 4 or hitting other milestones earlier or quicker than their peers. I've always been a big fan of letting children develop on their own timelines and that their timelines don't have to match ours and that's okay. I've never had a job interview hinge on the age I learned to read, or what my standardized test scores were, or how many classes I could cram into my schedule. I think in this day and age there's come to be this pressure we put on kids to be the best as soon as they can be and we have such a high standard for them always. While I feel like wanting them to do their best is something all parents should want from their kids, I think we get lost in what that "best" actually is. Loving and supporting our kids in them being their own person is what should be the real focus, not a competition of who's kid did what first and trying to beat that. Now more than ever, our kids need a safe space they can be loved and supported, to be their true selves.
I'll definitely be getting a copy of this to have and will continually re-read as my son grows so that I can help nurture his path, wherever that may lead him.
This book was absolutely wonderful, and I recommend all parents to read it. I feel like I've already transitioned a bit to this style of parenting - not pushing my child to do sports if he doesn't want to, and trying to allow him to make choices. A lot of this will become more applicable as he gets older and we come across homework and extracurriculars through school, etc. But this really reinforces that teaching your child how to manage their responsibilities and make them accountable for themselves is what is so important - not that they were reading by age 4 or hitting other milestones earlier or quicker than their peers. I've always been a big fan of letting children develop on their own timelines and that their timelines don't have to match ours and that's okay. I've never had a job interview hinge on the age I learned to read, or what my standardized test scores were, or how many classes I could cram into my schedule. I think in this day and age there's come to be this pressure we put on kids to be the best as soon as they can be and we have such a high standard for them always. While I feel like wanting them to do their best is something all parents should want from their kids, I think we get lost in what that "best" actually is. Loving and supporting our kids in them being their own person is what should be the real focus, not a competition of who's kid did what first and trying to beat that. Now more than ever, our kids need a safe space they can be loved and supported, to be their true selves.
I'll definitely be getting a copy of this to have and will continually re-read as my son grows so that I can help nurture his path, wherever that may lead him.
susannadkm's review against another edition
challenging
informative
medium-paced
3.5
"When parents work harder than their kids to solve their problems, their kids get weaker, not stronger."
This book was more focused on parenting teenagers than toddlers, but as always, there was use-able advice. Each chapter ended with a list of "things to do tonight" to gradually transfer responsibility to your child.
There were three specific tips I liked. 1) Make enjoying your kids a top priority so they "have the experience of being joy-producing organisms."
2) Ask your child's opinion, like "Do you think we should do it this way or that way?" Have a family meeting about who will do chores. Make a list of things your child would like to be in charge of and shift responsibility to them. Ask if something's not working for them and if they have any ideas about how to make it work better.
3) Give young children a calendar. Mark off the date every night and write or draw in weekly activities, to help them understand what will happen each day.
Last, the Yerkes-Dodson law concept was fascinating. "Performance increases with psychological and mental arousal up to a point, after which it starts to decline. We need a certain level of arousal--from curiosity, excitement, or mild stress--to reach our optimal level of mental acuity. But when we're too stressed, we can't think straight. Our brains become inefficient... [On average] optimal levels of stress for girls often isn't enough to motivate boys. And optimal stress for boys can be overwhelming for girls."
I listened to the audiobook.
This book was more focused on parenting teenagers than toddlers, but as always, there was use-able advice. Each chapter ended with a list of "things to do tonight" to gradually transfer responsibility to your child.
There were three specific tips I liked. 1) Make enjoying your kids a top priority so they "have the experience of being joy-producing organisms."
2) Ask your child's opinion, like "Do you think we should do it this way or that way?" Have a family meeting about who will do chores. Make a list of things your child would like to be in charge of and shift responsibility to them. Ask if something's not working for them and if they have any ideas about how to make it work better.
3) Give young children a calendar. Mark off the date every night and write or draw in weekly activities, to help them understand what will happen each day.
Last, the Yerkes-Dodson law concept was fascinating. "Performance increases with psychological and mental arousal up to a point, after which it starts to decline. We need a certain level of arousal--from curiosity, excitement, or mild stress--to reach our optimal level of mental acuity. But when we're too stressed, we can't think straight. Our brains become inefficient... [On average] optimal levels of stress for girls often isn't enough to motivate boys. And optimal stress for boys can be overwhelming for girls."
I listened to the audiobook.
nakedsushi's review against another edition
3.0
This guide on helping your child become more independent, self-confident, and driven spoke to the way I want to parent my kid, but I like most other parenting books I read, I was annoyed half of the time. I finished most of the book but skimmed the later chapters about college entrance exams and college in general. I did like that the authors emphasized that college was a privilege to be earned and not a given.
I found enough tips and information in this book that not only applied to my kid, but also applied to myself, so it's definitely worth reading.
First, the good parts:
* lots of conclusions from studies about how the brain actually works
* offers a variety of paths for different types of brains
* nice summary at the end of chapters for those of us who like to skim
The not so good parts:
* definitely comes from a privileged point of view. For example, finding a school that works for your child is great if you have the money for options, but not great if the only thing you can do is send your kid to the closest public school.
* The different voices or points of view of "Bill says blah blah" and "When Ned had a client..." was confusing without much context.
I found enough tips and information in this book that not only applied to my kid, but also applied to myself, so it's definitely worth reading.
First, the good parts:
* lots of conclusions from studies about how the brain actually works
* offers a variety of paths for different types of brains
* nice summary at the end of chapters for those of us who like to skim
The not so good parts:
* definitely comes from a privileged point of view. For example, finding a school that works for your child is great if you have the money for options, but not great if the only thing you can do is send your kid to the closest public school.
* The different voices or points of view of "Bill says blah blah" and "When Ned had a client..." was confusing without much context.
megch1990's review against another edition
4.0
A must read parenting book! Lots of brain science and I loved it! Encouraging for parents of neurodivergent kids (ADHD, dyslexia, autistic, ect.)
jenaugustin17's review against another edition
3.0
I will need to listen to this one again when my kids hit the high school years because there is A LOT of great advice for that age. Doesn’t do the greatest job applying concepts for preschoolers and elementary ages.
katie_evans's review against another edition
5.0
Insightful
I really enjoyed this book. It made me confront some of the things I’m doing that could be more harmful than good. I highlighted many things I plan to go back to.
I really enjoyed this book. It made me confront some of the things I’m doing that could be more harmful than good. I highlighted many things I plan to go back to.
libbydmccarthy's review against another edition
5.0
I can't remember why I read this, but I had low expectations and I was pleasantly surprised! I feel like this book has all the things I've been gathering and put it all in one place. It made so much sense to me and helped me see that, at least for my kids, pretty much all their negativity has to do with being unable to manage their stress appropriately. I am so glad I read this before my oldest has become an official teenager, though it would be great to read while kids are still young too- though I think much of the advice does not apply to toddlers. I took copious notes and I think I will want to re-read this in a few years to refresh my memory and see how I've been doing.
morganmcnealy's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5