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suey_library's review against another edition
5.0
It took me a while to figure out in words what I wanted to write with this review, not for any other reason then that I have a lot of words and feelings for so much of everything after listening to Asking For It by Kate Harding. I have always considered myself a feminist, not a 'man hating woman' stereotype but that I stand firm in my beliefs in equal rights regardless of gender and when this title came across my recommendations I did not hesitate for a second to snag it. But it wasn't until a particular moment that happened did I decide to type this up - mostly because I am still reeling from it. It was actually when recently I was out hanging with my family (my more conservative family) when my mother spotted a young lady who was more than likely in her late teens wearing a skirt, my mother deadpanned said: 'I know ladies aren't just asking for it but to walk out of your house dressed like that you are just labeling yourself a slut. Cannot believe her mother let her walk out of the house like that.' I stopped dead in my tracks and replied with 'Why? If she feels comfortable and gorgeous why can't she wear what she wants?'; as I am sure you might get the feeling where this conversation went without more details it ended with me asking my mother simply, Why is it her responsibility to be worried about distracted a boy or being rapped simply because of what she is wearing? I was left with a rude response from my mother not clearly understanding that her opinion is flawed. It also reminded me of the many times that even at 35, my mother will still comment about how I am not wearing enough clothes to cover up. So fair warning, my review may be a slight rant...
Obviously I won't make this a huge essay, but I think in all honesty what I enjoyed about this read was how Harding gripped me within the first seconds of starting this audiobook. She made it so human and real, it was as if we were sitting at a lunch date chatting about things that piss us off. The book is ultimately split into parts; myths and stereotypes of rape, what we can do to change, politics and detailed examples. Parts that made me utterly stop in my tracks was the mention of how as women we are trained at a young age to do this or that to stay safe, if we are assaulted then maybe we did something wrong, and if we are married than that is consent enough for our partner to walk us up to have sex, we give consent with our eyes or that is wasn't rape if you enjoyed it. Have you ever noticed how many women stop right before they walk out of a store to grab their car keys? Yeah, we do that because we were groomed to do so as if that would make us safer from a predator. I sat there nodding my head only to say to myself, holy fuck.
It is insane to me how Harding hit the nail on the head with everything. Literally, I do believe she was in my head, mouth dropped every time a new sentence was read. I also enjoyed the politic ties, the reasons why most victims of rape do not report it and even down to why most defense attorneys won't take a case to a judge. I was appalled, horrified and yet not surprised in the least. I mean, think about it for a second, how many times were you in a situation where after whatever happened you didn't ultimately blame yourself for, because again this is how we are groomed. It is earth shattering.
Overall, I enjoyed this. I enjoyed it in so many ways that made me think of things I had never really thought of, the stigma that is still very much alive in our everyday routines. The conversations we have even with our own family members, still walking down the street following the cardinal rules that I cannot be distracted, don't dress in too revealing of outfits. These things happen to us every day. And though I am use to arguing with my mother of these types of topics, her simply judging another woman for wearing something she would not, but it was hearing her physically say what she did about 'asking for it'; that is one hundred percent not okay. Anyone who interested in social movement or feminist type reads, I highly recommend this book. Kate Harding's writing style is like she is having a causal conversation with you, giving details, examples, debates. It was riveting, powerful, mind-blowing and beyond insightful.
Obviously I won't make this a huge essay, but I think in all honesty what I enjoyed about this read was how Harding gripped me within the first seconds of starting this audiobook. She made it so human and real, it was as if we were sitting at a lunch date chatting about things that piss us off. The book is ultimately split into parts; myths and stereotypes of rape, what we can do to change, politics and detailed examples. Parts that made me utterly stop in my tracks was the mention of how as women we are trained at a young age to do this or that to stay safe, if we are assaulted then maybe we did something wrong, and if we are married than that is consent enough for our partner to walk us up to have sex, we give consent with our eyes or that is wasn't rape if you enjoyed it. Have you ever noticed how many women stop right before they walk out of a store to grab their car keys? Yeah, we do that because we were groomed to do so as if that would make us safer from a predator. I sat there nodding my head only to say to myself, holy fuck.
It is insane to me how Harding hit the nail on the head with everything. Literally, I do believe she was in my head, mouth dropped every time a new sentence was read. I also enjoyed the politic ties, the reasons why most victims of rape do not report it and even down to why most defense attorneys won't take a case to a judge. I was appalled, horrified and yet not surprised in the least. I mean, think about it for a second, how many times were you in a situation where after whatever happened you didn't ultimately blame yourself for, because again this is how we are groomed. It is earth shattering.
Overall, I enjoyed this. I enjoyed it in so many ways that made me think of things I had never really thought of, the stigma that is still very much alive in our everyday routines. The conversations we have even with our own family members, still walking down the street following the cardinal rules that I cannot be distracted, don't dress in too revealing of outfits. These things happen to us every day. And though I am use to arguing with my mother of these types of topics, her simply judging another woman for wearing something she would not, but it was hearing her physically say what she did about 'asking for it'; that is one hundred percent not okay. Anyone who interested in social movement or feminist type reads, I highly recommend this book. Kate Harding's writing style is like she is having a causal conversation with you, giving details, examples, debates. It was riveting, powerful, mind-blowing and beyond insightful.
mercedesjwood's review against another edition
I don't know what to rate this book. It's a hard topic to read, with strong language throughout it all. For that reason, I didn't like it as much. If this book had less language, I'd recommend it to everyone because everyone should know about the rise of rape culture.
plaidpladd's review against another edition
5.0
This book is a great resource that really gives a broad overview of the different issues and facets of rape culture and lots of relevant studies and statistics. It was depressing as fuck, but important.
darbter's review against another edition
5.0
A difficult book to read, for obvious reasons. But as a survivor, I am diligent about searching out quality resources I can recommend to people searching for rape culture knowledge. Wish all people could be aware of just how bleak it can be...and become proactive in working towards creating a world in which resources like this are unnecessary.
bcarlsongiving's review against another edition
5.0
"When it comes to rape, if we're expected to put ourselves in anyone else's shoes at all, it's the accused rapist's. The questions that inevitably come along with 'What was she wearing?' And 'How much did she have to drink?' Are, 'What if there was no rape at all?What if she's lying? What happens to this poor slob she's accusing? What if he goes to prison for a crime he didn't commit?' Don't get me wrong - I completely understand why many men feel a visceral terror at the thought of being falsely accused of sexual violence, given how theoretically difficult it would be to prove your innocence. But as it is right now, we behave as though we live in a society where innocent men are accused thousands of times a day, while real rapes are few and far between. We look for ways to rationalize sexual violence as a big misunderstanding."
Read this book because it displays all the ways in which rape victims are let down by society and also because it will make you think about whether you are part of the problem. Get educated and informed, and help stop rape culture.
Read this book because it displays all the ways in which rape victims are let down by society and also because it will make you think about whether you are part of the problem. Get educated and informed, and help stop rape culture.
kbecker40's review against another edition
4.0
***MORE LIKE 4.5 STARS.*** This is a VERY thorough book, alarming and disgusting, about rape culture -- detailing how our society got to this place of justifying rape. It was very educational to learn so many ways we've accepted certain situations where women and girls get raped. Victim blaming, shaming, perpetrator saving -- all shameful ways this phenomena proliferated.
Harding does some amazing research and gives numerous painful examples of what has happened to women in this seedy culture; this book was published in 2015. The last chapter speaks of hope and what to do going forward. It came before the exposure of Chanel Miller and her book "Know My Name" - her case already seen and heard in the media. The travesty of justice that she went through is publicly known and would have made a valuable study, crucial to the themes in Harding's book.
The only criticism I had was that she often gets very snarky with her writing, surrounding factual research and examples of rape and abuse. I can understand that from a visceral level; it seemed at times to detract from the text though. But my criticism is weak and somewhat trite; this is a disturbing yet highly important book for all to read. I hope and pray that progress continues to be made in lifting up rape survivors stories, and defeating the comfort of perpetrators.
Harding does some amazing research and gives numerous painful examples of what has happened to women in this seedy culture; this book was published in 2015. The last chapter speaks of hope and what to do going forward. It came before the exposure of Chanel Miller and her book "Know My Name" - her case already seen and heard in the media. The travesty of justice that she went through is publicly known and would have made a valuable study, crucial to the themes in Harding's book.
The only criticism I had was that she often gets very snarky with her writing, surrounding factual research and examples of rape and abuse. I can understand that from a visceral level; it seemed at times to detract from the text though. But my criticism is weak and somewhat trite; this is a disturbing yet highly important book for all to read. I hope and pray that progress continues to be made in lifting up rape survivors stories, and defeating the comfort of perpetrators.
blueinkandpaperstars's review against another edition
informative
reflective
tense
medium-paced
4.5
I do have to say that it took me almost the whole month to read this book because I just couldn’t stomach reading much of it at once. I consider myself aware of the world I live in, I tend to keep myself informed about the “uglier” side of it, and I thought I would not be fazed by what I would read in this book. I was wrong! It seems that no matter how well informed I am, there is always something that will put everything that I know into perspective, that will help me to further my knowledge, and grow as a person.
This is a difficult book to read, it is one that will leave you feeling disgusted, mad, and helpless - if you're anything like me -, but I think that that is why more people need to read it!
This is a difficult book to read, it is one that will leave you feeling disgusted, mad, and helpless - if you're anything like me -, but I think that that is why more people need to read it!
bysarahalexander's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
danicapage's review against another edition
4.0
This is a really insightful book and a powerful one. Really enjoyable. I gave it a four because it's not my favorite on the topic. But it's powerful nonetheless and spot on and so much. Language warning.