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tanu_jellyfish's review against another edition
adventurous
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
erikajay's review against another edition
2.0
I picked this book up spur-of-the-moment at the library. I saw that it was part of a series and had vampires in it, so I checked it out. For me, it was a bit awkward. The writing wasn't great (although if I'm being honest, I didn't expect much from a YA vampire book) but there were quite a few references/lines that made it seem like the Casts were trying too hard to capture what teenagers sound like. There were also several places where the book moved rather slowly.
Things I did like:
- vampires in this society aren't hiding in the bushes - everyone knows about them and has seem them. That was a nice twist.
-the incorporation of Cherokee rituals and beliefs.
- the idea of a vampire school.
- the ending.
All in all, this was a fine book. I'm not jumping to read the other ones in the series, but if I need a quick fun read in the future, I may pick up the next one.
Things I did like:
- vampires in this society aren't hiding in the bushes - everyone knows about them and has seem them. That was a nice twist.
-the incorporation of Cherokee rituals and beliefs.
- the idea of a vampire school.
- the ending.
All in all, this was a fine book. I'm not jumping to read the other ones in the series, but if I need a quick fun read in the future, I may pick up the next one.
graecoltraine's review against another edition
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
1.0
Picked this up because I was gifted the entire series by a friend of a friend. I think I must have offended her or something. It wasn't the worst book I've ever read, by any means, but the main character is so overtly unpleasant and the book is written in first person, so you can't escape just how full of hatred she is for... everyone. Every single person who is not exactly what she wants them to be has something wrong with them. Zoey's voice is an avenue for judgement of basically everyone in existence, including people that, in-narration, she claims to love. Slur count nears the double-digits--I will give the authors the benefit of the doubt here in that this was published in 2007, but I really expected less slurs coming from a book that also uses the word "poopie" repeatedly and unapologetically.
The pacing is horrendous. The entire book takes place over the course of 4-5-ish days. In that time,Zoey, the main character, gets Pointed At, making her a vampire vampyre, runs away from home so she doesn't die of being a vampyre, has a mystic Cherokee vision of the Greek goddess Nyx who tells her she's the Specialest girl, settles in at school where she doesn't fit in because her cool Tattoo That Makes You Hot And/Or Just Straight Up Kills You, makes an entire friend group (but remember she doesn't fit in), gets invited to join the super exclusive Vampyre Sorority fulls of unpleasant people, joins the Vampyre Sorority, finds time to make out with a guy and get into relationship drama with a new guy who's totally hot and so glad she finally said yes to going out with him (they met the day before this), and gets named President of the Vampyre Sorority™ .
The characters are teenagers. This is interesting, because they are somehow both realistic to sixteen-year-olds while also being absolute caricatures of what out-of-touch adults think teenagers are like. I think this disconnect comes from the book being co-authored: one author more or less Getting teenagers and the other being Absolutely Certain she Gets teenagers.
I have a talent for turning off my brain and letting myself enjoy things that are objectively bad. There's bad and fun, good and fun, bad and not fun, and good and not fun. I am firmly placing this in the category of bad and not fun--compare Fourth Wing, a book I consider bad and fun. The difference, I think, comes from a main character who isn't a constant negative voice at war with the world--Fourth Wing's main character isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but at least every other word in her narration and out of her mouth isn't casting judgement on some group or another. Zoey hates jocks, nerds, goths (and worse, emos), people who wear jeans I think?, video games (to which she literally says ew, gross at the thought of someone playing them), women (not overtly, but her internal monologue is comprised of a decent percentage of just being misogynistic in some form or another), fat people, skinny people, people withboobs boobies, sluts, whores, and hos, and just about everything else you can think of EXCEPT gay people (which is a quieter, less overt sort of judgement), Black people (of which there are two in the book, both described exclusively as different types of coffee), and herself. Oddly, she also hates religious people (implying every religious person [possibly cult members, but it's difficult to tell with a narrator like Zoey] is fat [if a woman] or a pedophile [if a man]) while having the most overtly Christian voice I've run into in a while. I've heard just about every self-righteous lecture she gave to the poor misinformed side characters come out of the mouth of the same people who try to convince you to come to their church if you [checks notes] are a girl with short hair in their vicinity because they want to "save" you, down to the incredibly unfortunate vocabulary (see "poopie", "boobie", etc.).
If you are better at turning off your brain and letting this wash over you than I am, this is probably an alright read. I, for one, enjoyed the part where I closed the book most of all.
The pacing is horrendous. The entire book takes place over the course of 4-5-ish days. In that time,
The characters are teenagers. This is interesting, because they are somehow both realistic to sixteen-year-olds while also being absolute caricatures of what out-of-touch adults think teenagers are like. I think this disconnect comes from the book being co-authored: one author more or less Getting teenagers and the other being Absolutely Certain she Gets teenagers.
I have a talent for turning off my brain and letting myself enjoy things that are objectively bad. There's bad and fun, good and fun, bad and not fun, and good and not fun. I am firmly placing this in the category of bad and not fun--compare Fourth Wing, a book I consider bad and fun. The difference, I think, comes from a main character who isn't a constant negative voice at war with the world--Fourth Wing's main character isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but at least every other word in her narration and out of her mouth isn't casting judgement on some group or another. Zoey hates jocks, nerds, goths (and worse, emos), people who wear jeans I think?, video games (to which she literally says ew, gross at the thought of someone playing them), women (not overtly, but her internal monologue is comprised of a decent percentage of just being misogynistic in some form or another), fat people, skinny people, people with
If you are better at turning off your brain and letting this wash over you than I am, this is probably an alright read. I, for one, enjoyed the part where I closed the book most of all.
uutopicaa's review against another edition
1.0
RESEÑA COMPLETA (la pueden leer acá o en mi blog http://pardonmispanglish.blogspot.com/2016/09/resena-marcada-pc-cast-y-kristen-cast.html )
¿POR QUÉ DEMONIOS ESTE LIBRO TIENE MÁS DE 2 ESTRELLAS EN GOODREADS? Es el peor libro que he leído en los últimos años, al punto de querer darle estrellas negativas (si fuese posible).
Es un libro en el que la protagonista denigra a todos los que son distintos a ella: “los que fuman”, “los que tomaron cerveza en una fiesta”, “los homosexuales”, “las personas con problemas alimenticios”, “las chicas con faldas cortas”, “cualquiera que tenga más experiencia sexual que ella”, “los nerds”, etc. Y AL FINAL todos le dicen lo GENIAL que es, que es lo mejor que le pudo haber pasado a la escuela, etc, etc. SERIOUSLY?????????
No haré spoilers (porque el libro no tiene trama). Pero tengo MUCHO que decir al respecto (casi que hago un video en vez de un texto).
Antes de hablar del libro, quiero decir que lo leí bajo advertencia. Cuando puse que lo había empezado a leer en Goodreads, recibí mensajes privados de algunos de mis seguidores que decían cosas como.
¡HUYE MIENTRAS PUEDAS!
¡SE TE VAN A CAER LOS OJOS CON ESTA MIERDA!
¡POBRE INGENUA, NI TE IMAGINÁS LA QUE TE ESPERA!
¡TE COMPADESCO!
¡YO TAMBIÉN ESTUVE EN TU LUGAR!
Y tenían razón. No he leído algo tan malo desde que luché por llegar a la página 100 de After.
NOTA: Las citas las traduje yo porque tengo el libro en inglés y no sé si las habrán puesto de la misma forma en la edición en español.
LA TAPA: Por primera vez le presté atención al a tapa que es un fondo rococó como el de mi web principal (de esos que bajan de Google) con la media cara de una mujer pálida (se supone que ZOEY es de piel morena) y con la silueta recortada en Microsoft Paint por un nene de cinco años.
Me dije “no juzgues al libro por su portada”.
Entonces, se me ocurrió ver la contratapa, pero noté que la sinopsis contaba TODA LA TRAMA DE PRINCIPIO A FIN, así que me abstuve. Sin embargo, hay un “halago” de otra escritora medianamente conocida en el ambiente que dice:
"Desde el momento en el que hundí mi cara en este libro, me atrapó. ¡Es una forma nueva y totalmente genial de ver a los vampiros! ¡Marked es un libro tan HOT y oscuro y gracioso que la rompe!”
Permítanme hacer una pregunta. Yo no suelo ser seria pero… ¿Qué clase de autor respetable escribe algo así para poner en la contratapa de un libro? Desde este momento comprendí que todos los involucrados en la gestación de esta novela (desde la autora, hasta los editores, correctores, diseñadores, etc) estaban tan mal de la cabeza como los personajes.
LA HISTORIA
En las primeras dos páginas, nos introducen a ZOEY y KAYLA, estas dos chicas que parecen ser mejores amigas que están hablando de chismes y dramas de su escuela que a nadie le importan como quién engaña a quién y quién estaba ebrio en la última fiesta. Todo esto con nombres de personajes que jamás conoceremos.
Entonces, un vampiro rastreador aparece de la nada, y hablando en inglés de estilo victoriano le dice a ZOEY que ha sido elegida, y la “marca” en la frente. Esto aparentemente significa que se va a convertir en vampiro y que es una “freak”, un “monstruo”, una “rechazada social” que hasta su mejor amiga odia de repente.
Aturdida y con el mundo entero en su contra, ZOEY va a su casa y le muestra la marca a su madre que no tiene nada mejor que decir:
“OH, QUE HORROR. ¿NO HAY MAQUILLAJE QUE LA TAPE ASÍ EN LA IGLESIA NO SE ASUSTAN?”.
A ver mamá, un vampiro acaba de grabarme un tatuaje en la frente diciendo que voy a empezar a chupar sangre y a vos te preocupa que tus amigos la vean? ¿En serio lo mejor que me podés decir es que trate de taparla con maquillaje?
La cuestión es que la madre, asustada, llama a su nuevo marido que está trabajando (padrastro de ZOEY) y él vuelve corriendo para decirle que ella:
“SE LO BUSCÓ POR SER MALA HIJA”
Y es ahí que la protagonista (una estudiante promedio que al parecer es ridículamente ingenua a pesar de estar rodeada de gente que se droga, fuma y vive ebria. Porque es una santa a pesar de todos sus prejuicios) le dice al padrastro
“¿Yo soy una mala hija porque digo la verdad de lo mal padre que sos? ¿Mi hermana que se acuesta con media escuela es mejor hija que yo? ¿Mi hermano que es un bully que ama la violencia es mejor que yo?”
Y él dice que sí.
ZOEY intenta explicarle la ciencia detrás del vampirismo (tipo “es un gen recesivo". No imaginan cuánto me reí con la explicación científica) y el padrastro solo le grita que los científicos no saben más que Dios y llama por teléfono al cura para que haga no sé qué ritual de oraciones (tipo exorcizarla) así que ella aprovecha la oportunidad y huye.
ZOEY sabe a dónde tiene que ir, a THE HOUSE OF NIGHT que es (y lean esto entre carcajadas sarcásticas) una escuela secundaria ESPECIAL para vampiros que se están convirtiendo.
En el camino, pasa por la casa de su abuela y tiene un pequeño accidente (no vale la pena explicarlo) y cree ver a la DIOSA DE LOS VAMPIROS (sí, no es joda, dije LA-DIOSA-DE-LOS-VAMPIROS que es Nyx, “la noche” en mitología griega) que le dice que ella es su elegida, como buena protagonista que es.
Sin darle mucha bola al asunto, llega con su abuela a THE HOUSE OF NIGHT donde conoce a su mentora (NEFERET) que es algo así como la McGonagall de la institución.
Conversan un rato y se separan. ZOEY empieza a caminar por los pasillos en donde ve (como si fuese lo más normal del mundo) a un chico “extremadamente sexy” –según sus palabras- y a una rubia arrodillada frente a él, intentando chupar algo más que sangre mientras él le dice que no. PORQUE OBVIAMENTE esto es normal en los pasillos de las escuelas secundarias, ¿no? Todos tienen sexo oral en medio de los pasillos.
(primer punto negativo. El chico se niega y la chica intenta forzarlo. Y durante todo el libro esto es tratado con normalidad, como si fuese lo más común que una adolescente fuerce a un compañero a tener sexo. Y nadie haga nada al respecto o lo vea como algo malo).
Ambos la ven y ella sale corriendo. Encuentra nuevamente a su tutora y es guiada a su nueva habitación que comparte con STEVIE RAE, una chica onda cowgirl que quiere ser cantante country.
EL RESTO DE LA NOVELA habla sobre ZOEY en sus clases mientras intenta “encajar y ser una más del montón sin resaltar en absolutamente nada a pesar de que su marca es distinta porque NYX la eligió”.
La vemos forjar amistad con los “rechazados” del lugar que son su compañera de cuarto, un chico homosexual y dos “gemelos” que en realidad son amigos pero se parecen mucho en personalidad.
También la vemos “pelear” con AFRODITA (en serio, ¿qué mierda con los nombres?) que es la rubia popular líder del grupo VIP de vampiras que es “LAS HIJAS DE LA NOCHE” que es ALGO ASÍ como las fraternidades exclusivas de USA y es también la rubia que vio el primer día con el chico sexy.
La novela en su gran mayoría nos muestra a ZOEY yendo a clases, aburriéndose de las materias, hablando con otros alumnos, discutiendo con AFRODITA, hablando de chicos sensuales con su compañera de cuarto y… nada más. Ninguna de estas escenas es interesante o importante. No tienen relevancia en la historia en lo más mínimo.
AH, SÍ, y no puedo evitar mencionar que durante la monotonía escolar vemos el instalove entre ZOEY y el chico sexy del pasillo que es OBVIAMENTE el “más lindo” de la escuela y con el que todos quieren salir.
Cuando faltaban unas 20 páginas para el final del libro, la autora recordó que necesitaba una trama y armó una escena “oscura” en la que nuestra protagonista desafía finalmente a la chica popular. FIN.
Sepan que dejé de lado los súper pequeños y mínimos detalles de la trama que suceden durante los días de clases y la explicación final porque son LO ÚNICO que hay de trama en la novela y no se los quiero spoilear.
LA PROTAGONISTA: Para explicar su estupidez, simplemente colocaré citas.
Página 1: "Si muero, ¿me salvaría del examen de geometría? Solo podía tener fe en ello”
AHH CLARO, un vampiro acaba de marcarte para que te conviertas y tu mayor preocupación es que así capaz no tenés que estudiar para un examen del secundario. Lo siento, y yo que pensaba en la vida que tenías que dejar atrás y todo este asunto de morir y empezar a chupar sangre. Qué tonta soy, claro que el examen es más importante.
Página 46: "Ella no era tan delgada como esas freaks que vomitan y no comen porque se creen Paris Hilton (“por qué así seré hot” Sí, Paris, seguro. Lo que digas”)”
Sin palabras. La protagonista habla con desprecio de la gente con desórdenes alimenticios casi cinco veces en el libro. Me da asco. DE HECHO la novela se fija tanto en eso que dedica dos páginas a explicar que a los alumnos se les da de comer todo SUPER SANO porque no quieren que engorden antes de la conversión. ESTO EXPLICA porque nunca vimos vampiros obesos en ningún libro, ¿no? HDP.
Página 100: "¿Cereal? Adoro el cereal. Tengo una remera que dice I LOVE CEREAL en algún lado para poder probarlo.”
Cereal es lo que tiene en el cerebro.
Página 188: “—¿Te puedo preguntar algo, es medianamente personal? —dijo Erik.—Hey, me has visto beber sangre de una copa, disfrutarlo y luego vomitarlo. Me viste besar a mi ex novio y pasarle la lengua a su sangre como si fuese un perro mientras él gemía. Y yo te he visto semi-desnudo en un pasillo rechazando sexo oral. Creo que puedo contestarte una pregunta personal.”
¿QUÉ CARAJO? Esta es la idea de la autora de una escena romántica.
Página 277: "Afrodita rio y dijo que era una adulta y yo una niña. Odio cuando me dicen eso, yo también tengo tetas.”
OH, lo siento. Olvidé que la edad se medía en tamaño de tetas.
Más allá de todo esto, ZOEY es una de esas personas que odian por celos. Vive diciendo cosas como “su pelo era tan falso como el de Jessica Simpson” o quejándose porque las chicas populares se visten con minifaldas o cosas así. SIMPLEMENTE por el hecho de quejarse.
Si en el resto de la saga el destino del mundo cae en manos de esta protagonista, estamos al horno.
Durante todo el libro, la protagonista destaca la importancia del cuerpo. Como si la autora no supiera que ser mujer es MÁS que un cuerpo.
Cosas como:
“De hecho, yo era más bien una observadora, como que nada de eso podía tocarme. Era como esa chicas que tienen sexo con todo mundo y creen que no van a quedar embarazadas.”
“Dudo que exista un adolescente que no sepa que los adultos creen que en el secundario, las chicas nos dedicamos a dar sexo oral contantemente, con tanta naturalidad como comer caramelos. Y si bien es cierto que muchas chicas son así, las pocas que tenemos medio cerebro no actuamos de esa forma”
PRIMERO, ¿todos los adultos creen eso? ¿En serio? Les pido que por favor vayan y consulten con sus padres si acaso creen que ustedes se la pasan teniendo sexo oral en la secundaria.
SEGUNDO: Y ES CIERTO QUE LO HACEN (según palabras de la protagonista) PERO no son todas, solo la mayoría.
WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS BOOK!?
No sé a qué escuela haya ido esta mujer, pero no manden nunca a sus hijos ahí.
OPINIÓN: Creo que no me queda mucho por decir, pero lo diré de todas formas.
Para ser una novela de vampiros, la palabra colmillos se mencionó una sola vez casi al final del libro y la “sangre” unas cinco veces en total, seguido por el discurso de “soy un monstruo”.
La historia no es “de vampiros” sino de adolescentes sexistas y superficiales con las hormonas revolucionadas QUE ASISTEN A UNA SECUNDARIA PARA VAMPIROS. Tranquilamente, en el primer capítulo el rastreador podría haberle dicho a ZOEY que iba a convertirse en gato, en paloma, en hombre lobo o en actriz, y hubiese dado lo mismo.
Otro detalle que me molestó del que creo que no hablé es de la incoherencia en las reacciones de los personajes.
EN OTRO ASUNTO, las clases de la escuela son “sociología vampírica” (más bien, historia), teatro (sí, teatro) y equitación. QUÉ CLASE DE ESCUELA ES ESTA.
Acá es dónde yo pregunto:
¿DÓNDE ESTÁ EL EDITOR?
¿Y EL CORRECTOR DE ESTILO?
¿QUIÉN PERMITIÓ QUE EL NARRADOR DIGA COSAS COMO “ES TAN FALSA COMO LAS TETAS DE PAMELA ANDERSON” (textual)?
¿QUIÉN CREYÓ QUE PUBLICAR ESTO ERA UNA BUENA IDEA?
Es una novela sexista, discriminatoria, sin trama, llena de bullyng (como algo bueno) y prácticamente sin vampiros porque NO OLVIDEMOS que todos los que están en esta secundaria aún están en proceso de conversión.
La novela me enseñó tres cosas:
-Existe un libro juvenil peor que After
-Encontré a la peor protagonista de la historia de la literatura
-Las editoriales publican mierda en todos los países, no solo en Argentina.
Sé que me olvidé de más de la mitad de las quejas que tenía para hacer del libro, pero son tantas que podría escribir mi propia saga al respecto.
Conclusión: no lo lean.
¿POR QUÉ DEMONIOS ESTE LIBRO TIENE MÁS DE 2 ESTRELLAS EN GOODREADS? Es el peor libro que he leído en los últimos años, al punto de querer darle estrellas negativas (si fuese posible).
Es un libro en el que la protagonista denigra a todos los que son distintos a ella: “los que fuman”, “los que tomaron cerveza en una fiesta”, “los homosexuales”, “las personas con problemas alimenticios”, “las chicas con faldas cortas”, “cualquiera que tenga más experiencia sexual que ella”, “los nerds”, etc. Y AL FINAL todos le dicen lo GENIAL que es, que es lo mejor que le pudo haber pasado a la escuela, etc, etc. SERIOUSLY?????????
No haré spoilers (porque el libro no tiene trama). Pero tengo MUCHO que decir al respecto (casi que hago un video en vez de un texto).
Antes de hablar del libro, quiero decir que lo leí bajo advertencia. Cuando puse que lo había empezado a leer en Goodreads, recibí mensajes privados de algunos de mis seguidores que decían cosas como.
¡HUYE MIENTRAS PUEDAS!
¡SE TE VAN A CAER LOS OJOS CON ESTA MIERDA!
¡POBRE INGENUA, NI TE IMAGINÁS LA QUE TE ESPERA!
¡TE COMPADESCO!
¡YO TAMBIÉN ESTUVE EN TU LUGAR!
Y tenían razón. No he leído algo tan malo desde que luché por llegar a la página 100 de After.
NOTA: Las citas las traduje yo porque tengo el libro en inglés y no sé si las habrán puesto de la misma forma en la edición en español.
LA TAPA: Por primera vez le presté atención al a tapa que es un fondo rococó como el de mi web principal (de esos que bajan de Google) con la media cara de una mujer pálida (se supone que ZOEY es de piel morena) y con la silueta recortada en Microsoft Paint por un nene de cinco años.
Me dije “no juzgues al libro por su portada”.
Entonces, se me ocurrió ver la contratapa, pero noté que la sinopsis contaba TODA LA TRAMA DE PRINCIPIO A FIN, así que me abstuve. Sin embargo, hay un “halago” de otra escritora medianamente conocida en el ambiente que dice:
"Desde el momento en el que hundí mi cara en este libro, me atrapó. ¡Es una forma nueva y totalmente genial de ver a los vampiros! ¡Marked es un libro tan HOT y oscuro y gracioso que la rompe!”
Permítanme hacer una pregunta. Yo no suelo ser seria pero… ¿Qué clase de autor respetable escribe algo así para poner en la contratapa de un libro? Desde este momento comprendí que todos los involucrados en la gestación de esta novela (desde la autora, hasta los editores, correctores, diseñadores, etc) estaban tan mal de la cabeza como los personajes.
LA HISTORIA
En las primeras dos páginas, nos introducen a ZOEY y KAYLA, estas dos chicas que parecen ser mejores amigas que están hablando de chismes y dramas de su escuela que a nadie le importan como quién engaña a quién y quién estaba ebrio en la última fiesta. Todo esto con nombres de personajes que jamás conoceremos.
Entonces, un vampiro rastreador aparece de la nada, y hablando en inglés de estilo victoriano le dice a ZOEY que ha sido elegida, y la “marca” en la frente. Esto aparentemente significa que se va a convertir en vampiro y que es una “freak”, un “monstruo”, una “rechazada social” que hasta su mejor amiga odia de repente.
Aturdida y con el mundo entero en su contra, ZOEY va a su casa y le muestra la marca a su madre que no tiene nada mejor que decir:
“OH, QUE HORROR. ¿NO HAY MAQUILLAJE QUE LA TAPE ASÍ EN LA IGLESIA NO SE ASUSTAN?”.
A ver mamá, un vampiro acaba de grabarme un tatuaje en la frente diciendo que voy a empezar a chupar sangre y a vos te preocupa que tus amigos la vean? ¿En serio lo mejor que me podés decir es que trate de taparla con maquillaje?
La cuestión es que la madre, asustada, llama a su nuevo marido que está trabajando (padrastro de ZOEY) y él vuelve corriendo para decirle que ella:
“SE LO BUSCÓ POR SER MALA HIJA”
Y es ahí que la protagonista (una estudiante promedio que al parecer es ridículamente ingenua a pesar de estar rodeada de gente que se droga, fuma y vive ebria. Porque es una santa a pesar de todos sus prejuicios) le dice al padrastro
“¿Yo soy una mala hija porque digo la verdad de lo mal padre que sos? ¿Mi hermana que se acuesta con media escuela es mejor hija que yo? ¿Mi hermano que es un bully que ama la violencia es mejor que yo?”
Y él dice que sí.
ZOEY intenta explicarle la ciencia detrás del vampirismo (tipo “es un gen recesivo". No imaginan cuánto me reí con la explicación científica) y el padrastro solo le grita que los científicos no saben más que Dios y llama por teléfono al cura para que haga no sé qué ritual de oraciones (tipo exorcizarla) así que ella aprovecha la oportunidad y huye.
ZOEY sabe a dónde tiene que ir, a THE HOUSE OF NIGHT que es (y lean esto entre carcajadas sarcásticas) una escuela secundaria ESPECIAL para vampiros que se están convirtiendo.
En el camino, pasa por la casa de su abuela y tiene un pequeño accidente (no vale la pena explicarlo) y cree ver a la DIOSA DE LOS VAMPIROS (sí, no es joda, dije LA-DIOSA-DE-LOS-VAMPIROS que es Nyx, “la noche” en mitología griega) que le dice que ella es su elegida, como buena protagonista que es.
Sin darle mucha bola al asunto, llega con su abuela a THE HOUSE OF NIGHT donde conoce a su mentora (NEFERET) que es algo así como la McGonagall de la institución.
Conversan un rato y se separan. ZOEY empieza a caminar por los pasillos en donde ve (como si fuese lo más normal del mundo) a un chico “extremadamente sexy” –según sus palabras- y a una rubia arrodillada frente a él, intentando chupar algo más que sangre mientras él le dice que no. PORQUE OBVIAMENTE esto es normal en los pasillos de las escuelas secundarias, ¿no? Todos tienen sexo oral en medio de los pasillos.
(primer punto negativo. El chico se niega y la chica intenta forzarlo. Y durante todo el libro esto es tratado con normalidad, como si fuese lo más común que una adolescente fuerce a un compañero a tener sexo. Y nadie haga nada al respecto o lo vea como algo malo).
Ambos la ven y ella sale corriendo. Encuentra nuevamente a su tutora y es guiada a su nueva habitación que comparte con STEVIE RAE, una chica onda cowgirl que quiere ser cantante country.
EL RESTO DE LA NOVELA habla sobre ZOEY en sus clases mientras intenta “encajar y ser una más del montón sin resaltar en absolutamente nada a pesar de que su marca es distinta porque NYX la eligió”.
La vemos forjar amistad con los “rechazados” del lugar que son su compañera de cuarto, un chico homosexual y dos “gemelos” que en realidad son amigos pero se parecen mucho en personalidad.
También la vemos “pelear” con AFRODITA (en serio, ¿qué mierda con los nombres?) que es la rubia popular líder del grupo VIP de vampiras que es “LAS HIJAS DE LA NOCHE” que es ALGO ASÍ como las fraternidades exclusivas de USA y es también la rubia que vio el primer día con el chico sexy.
La novela en su gran mayoría nos muestra a ZOEY yendo a clases, aburriéndose de las materias, hablando con otros alumnos, discutiendo con AFRODITA, hablando de chicos sensuales con su compañera de cuarto y… nada más. Ninguna de estas escenas es interesante o importante. No tienen relevancia en la historia en lo más mínimo.
AH, SÍ, y no puedo evitar mencionar que durante la monotonía escolar vemos el instalove entre ZOEY y el chico sexy del pasillo que es OBVIAMENTE el “más lindo” de la escuela y con el que todos quieren salir.
Cuando faltaban unas 20 páginas para el final del libro, la autora recordó que necesitaba una trama y armó una escena “oscura” en la que nuestra protagonista desafía finalmente a la chica popular. FIN.
Sepan que dejé de lado los súper pequeños y mínimos detalles de la trama que suceden durante los días de clases y la explicación final porque son LO ÚNICO que hay de trama en la novela y no se los quiero spoilear.
LA PROTAGONISTA: Para explicar su estupidez, simplemente colocaré citas.
Página 1: "Si muero, ¿me salvaría del examen de geometría? Solo podía tener fe en ello”
AHH CLARO, un vampiro acaba de marcarte para que te conviertas y tu mayor preocupación es que así capaz no tenés que estudiar para un examen del secundario. Lo siento, y yo que pensaba en la vida que tenías que dejar atrás y todo este asunto de morir y empezar a chupar sangre. Qué tonta soy, claro que el examen es más importante.
Página 46: "Ella no era tan delgada como esas freaks que vomitan y no comen porque se creen Paris Hilton (“por qué así seré hot” Sí, Paris, seguro. Lo que digas”)”
Sin palabras. La protagonista habla con desprecio de la gente con desórdenes alimenticios casi cinco veces en el libro. Me da asco. DE HECHO la novela se fija tanto en eso que dedica dos páginas a explicar que a los alumnos se les da de comer todo SUPER SANO porque no quieren que engorden antes de la conversión. ESTO EXPLICA porque nunca vimos vampiros obesos en ningún libro, ¿no? HDP.
Página 100: "¿Cereal? Adoro el cereal. Tengo una remera que dice I LOVE CEREAL en algún lado para poder probarlo.”
Cereal es lo que tiene en el cerebro.
Página 188: “—¿Te puedo preguntar algo, es medianamente personal? —dijo Erik.—Hey, me has visto beber sangre de una copa, disfrutarlo y luego vomitarlo. Me viste besar a mi ex novio y pasarle la lengua a su sangre como si fuese un perro mientras él gemía. Y yo te he visto semi-desnudo en un pasillo rechazando sexo oral. Creo que puedo contestarte una pregunta personal.”
¿QUÉ CARAJO? Esta es la idea de la autora de una escena romántica.
Página 277: "Afrodita rio y dijo que era una adulta y yo una niña. Odio cuando me dicen eso, yo también tengo tetas.”
OH, lo siento. Olvidé que la edad se medía en tamaño de tetas.
Más allá de todo esto, ZOEY es una de esas personas que odian por celos. Vive diciendo cosas como “su pelo era tan falso como el de Jessica Simpson” o quejándose porque las chicas populares se visten con minifaldas o cosas así. SIMPLEMENTE por el hecho de quejarse.
Si en el resto de la saga el destino del mundo cae en manos de esta protagonista, estamos al horno.
Durante todo el libro, la protagonista destaca la importancia del cuerpo. Como si la autora no supiera que ser mujer es MÁS que un cuerpo.
Cosas como:
“De hecho, yo era más bien una observadora, como que nada de eso podía tocarme. Era como esa chicas que tienen sexo con todo mundo y creen que no van a quedar embarazadas.”
“Dudo que exista un adolescente que no sepa que los adultos creen que en el secundario, las chicas nos dedicamos a dar sexo oral contantemente, con tanta naturalidad como comer caramelos. Y si bien es cierto que muchas chicas son así, las pocas que tenemos medio cerebro no actuamos de esa forma”
PRIMERO, ¿todos los adultos creen eso? ¿En serio? Les pido que por favor vayan y consulten con sus padres si acaso creen que ustedes se la pasan teniendo sexo oral en la secundaria.
SEGUNDO: Y ES CIERTO QUE LO HACEN (según palabras de la protagonista) PERO no son todas, solo la mayoría.
WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS BOOK!?
No sé a qué escuela haya ido esta mujer, pero no manden nunca a sus hijos ahí.
OPINIÓN: Creo que no me queda mucho por decir, pero lo diré de todas formas.
Para ser una novela de vampiros, la palabra colmillos se mencionó una sola vez casi al final del libro y la “sangre” unas cinco veces en total, seguido por el discurso de “soy un monstruo”.
La historia no es “de vampiros” sino de adolescentes sexistas y superficiales con las hormonas revolucionadas QUE ASISTEN A UNA SECUNDARIA PARA VAMPIROS. Tranquilamente, en el primer capítulo el rastreador podría haberle dicho a ZOEY que iba a convertirse en gato, en paloma, en hombre lobo o en actriz, y hubiese dado lo mismo.
Otro detalle que me molestó del que creo que no hablé es de la incoherencia en las reacciones de los personajes.
EN OTRO ASUNTO, las clases de la escuela son “sociología vampírica” (más bien, historia), teatro (sí, teatro) y equitación. QUÉ CLASE DE ESCUELA ES ESTA.
Acá es dónde yo pregunto:
¿DÓNDE ESTÁ EL EDITOR?
¿Y EL CORRECTOR DE ESTILO?
¿QUIÉN PERMITIÓ QUE EL NARRADOR DIGA COSAS COMO “ES TAN FALSA COMO LAS TETAS DE PAMELA ANDERSON” (textual)?
¿QUIÉN CREYÓ QUE PUBLICAR ESTO ERA UNA BUENA IDEA?
Es una novela sexista, discriminatoria, sin trama, llena de bullyng (como algo bueno) y prácticamente sin vampiros porque NO OLVIDEMOS que todos los que están en esta secundaria aún están en proceso de conversión.
La novela me enseñó tres cosas:
-Existe un libro juvenil peor que After
-Encontré a la peor protagonista de la historia de la literatura
-Las editoriales publican mierda en todos los países, no solo en Argentina.
Sé que me olvidé de más de la mitad de las quejas que tenía para hacer del libro, pero son tantas que podría escribir mi propia saga al respecto.
Conclusión: no lo lean.
cosymilko's review against another edition
1.0
The premise of this book kept me coming back again and again in the store until I finally caved and bought it. What a waste of money!
The book is written in teen babble and pushes an agenda within the first 100 pages in a way that made me want to punch a kitten. I couldn't stand the pointless pop culture references (way to date your book, Cast) and endless judgement on people's lives, behaviours, choices and morals.
I will say that the boom still has a decent premise that is similar but different to Vampire Academy but that's as close as the book gets to being decent.
I could have enjoyed this plot even though the MC is a Sue but the teen lingo and bullshit judgements leave me wanting to carve out my eyes with a rusty spoon.
Borrow from library but do not purchase. Don't fuel the machine!
The book is written in teen babble and pushes an agenda within the first 100 pages in a way that made me want to punch a kitten. I couldn't stand the pointless pop culture references (way to date your book, Cast) and endless judgement on people's lives, behaviours, choices and morals.
I will say that the boom still has a decent premise that is similar but different to Vampire Academy but that's as close as the book gets to being decent.
I could have enjoyed this plot even though the MC is a Sue but the teen lingo and bullshit judgements leave me wanting to carve out my eyes with a rusty spoon.
Borrow from library but do not purchase. Don't fuel the machine!
charspages's review against another edition
1.0
I recently read an article about how reading bad or below-average books can actually help improve your writing. So, for improvement's sake, I decided to reread this lovely twelve-book series I devoured (and loved!) when I was 12 years old and on the brink of further implementing my book obsession (which has been pretty wild since the very beginning, to be honest.)
I mean, wow. I'm not even certain enough of my brain cells survived reading this to actually write something after, good or bad or anything in between. I'm pretty sure they invented How Not To Write guides after this was published - and for good reason.
I just want to know the Casts' secret. Did they bribe their publisher? Read out loud from this book until he was begging them to stop? How in the world did they convince someone to publish this?
But let's start at the very beginning: Why this Book is Terrible and You Should Not Read It.
DISCLAIMER: This is about to get very, very rant-y. I passionately hate-read this book and prepared to tear it to shreds in this review. I cannot stress enough that I do not mean to insult either P.C. or Kristin Cast personally. Remember, when I was 12, I loved this series and genuinely waited for each new release.
PLOT: 0 / 5
Are the Casts in a competition with [a:Anna Todd|3927354|Anna Todd|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1550778141p2/3927354.jpg] to see who can crank out the most illogical, cliché-filled plot? Cause it seriously looks like they're winning.
I honestly didn't think there was any other book out there that had a worse storyline than [b:After|22557520|After (After, #1)|Anna Todd|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1438077259s/22557520.jpg|26102134]. Boy, was I wrong.
In the first novel of the series, the protagonist, Zoey Redbird, turns into a vampyre (yes, they're cool and unique here, so you have to spell them with a y, even though it cracks me up every single time because the German pronunciation makes it sound like vampür in my head) by being Marked by a Tracker at school one day. What happens when you get Marked is basically: some dude shows up, points at you, recites the worst monologue I've ever laid my eyes upon, and finally, you faint and wake up with a brand new half-moon tattoo on your forehead. Because apparently, vampyres aren't just super strong and super fast here, they're also super good at tattooing people without any equipment or physical contact whatsoever. It's truly magical.
Lo and behold, our dear freshly tattooed Zoey makes for the vampyre boarding school, the House of Night, where she is supposed to go to class for four years and participate in random subjects before completing the Change into an adult vampyre or dying a painful, slow death. By now I'm totally hoping it's the latter, but I'm out of luck. Why changing into a vampyre would take four entire years in the first place is beyond me.
Instead of coughing up a lung or two, Zoey ends up running around like she owns the place, makes four new friends in one day, gets a hot boyfriend, and challenges the House of Night's resident Queen Bee for her position. Bitch, I don't even have four friends. What the hell?
I mean, the plot literally takes place over the span of four days, and by the end of it, Zoey is not only the most popular girl in town, but the only fledgling in all of history with a filled-in mark. And she scores the hot, popular Senior dude after talking to him approximately once. Unless jamming your tongue down somebody else's throat is a weird new vampyre greeting, I'm calling bullshit.
Don't even get me started on that part where Zoey becomes leader of the Dark Daughters, an elite school organization, even though she's, you know, only been there for one week. She knows next to knothing about the vampyre world, has no experience whatsoever, and her greatest deed so far was calling Aphrodite a "ho-bag" 611 times in a row, but sure, let's make her the leader of an important and respected student organization that upholds rituals deeply rooted in vampyre tradition and represents the school. Instead of someone who - just a wild thought here - actually knows what they're doing and didn't move in yesterday.
My head hurts.
CHARACTERS: 1 / 5
I'm giving this one star only because I'm so unashamedly amused at how bad these characters are. As a comedic ensamble, they'd be priceless.
ZOEY REDBIRD is the protagonist of the series and doesn't only have a name that already screams Mary Sue! in fifteen foot high neon letters, she also has the personality of a cockroach, except cockroaches have an actual biological purpose and don't make me roll my eyes so hard I give myself a nosebleed every five minutes.
Like your average Young Adult-Mary Sue, Zoey is sixteen, in high school, and way too cool for you - except she keeps complaining about having no friends and being so unique and different. Gee, Zo, I don't know, maybe if you developed an actual personality people would want to befriend you?
All she consists of before she's Marked is the following rather short, but colorful list: hating on her stepdad (whom she so very eloquently calls "step-loser"); complaining about teenagers who party, drink, and have sex; and feeling superior to her (alleged) best friend, Kayla, and her ex-almost-boyfriend, Heath. Calling either of them stupid is a brave call from someone who uses the word "gihugic" unironically. (No, I did not make that up. Even my creativity has its limits.)
Besides being annoying and dumber than a sack of sand, Zoey is also a plain old hypocrite: she loves complaining about Aphrodite and her friends, claiming that they run around acting like they're so much better than everyone else, but then doesn't take two seconds to turn around and talk about "some loser kid's blood" which she would very much like to consume because she's, you know, a vampyre and Elliott from Lit class is just a refrigerator because he has bad hair. If hypocrisy was an Olympic sport, Z-bird would take home all the medals.
Other than that, Zoey constantly talks about fashion - Maui Jim this, Prada that. They don't even talk fashion this much on Project Runway, and that's a show about making fashion. Or she likes to remind everyone of how different she is because she doesn't have oral sex. She's truly earned a gold star, that one.
I'm also pretty much convinced that Zoey invented the "overpowered MC" trope that has been ripe in Young Adult fiction these past few years, because get this: she's not only the first fledgling ever to have a completely filled-in Mark, no, she can also control all five elements, which has been unheard of in vampyre history, and ends up High Priestess in training with a full vampyre tattoo at the end of book one. While your average adult vampyre will have a half-moon tattoo on their forehead and then, after completing the Change, some ornamental tattoos on their cheekbones, Zoey is a fledgling with tattoos all over her body within four weeks.
Of course, lovely Zoey isn't enough to bear just yet, so the Casts have come up with an entire quirky! and fun! group of friends for her.
There's STEVIE RAE, who has the personality of a cowboy boot and is only there to talk with a Southern accent or giggle. (Stevie Rae used to be my absolute favorite character when I first read these books. What a blind fool I've been.)
There's the twins, SHAUNEE and ERIN, who aren't really twins but are called that because they seem to be taking turns using their last functioning brain cell to complete each other's sentences. Truly amazing.
There's DAMIEN, the token gay guy who doesn't fit in with the other gay guys at school because they're too girly, so he hangs out with a group of straight girls instead. I suspect he maybe does it to feel smart, because the female parts of their little gang seem to have a combined IQ of 45 on a good day. I would have rather read about Henrietta's Fighting Hens than spend one more chapter reading the cringy and embarrassing "banter" between Ms. Overpowered and her Group of Equally Annoying and Useless Friends.
And there's APHRODITE, who - guess what - named herself after the Greek goddess of love and passion and is - you guessed it - a total bitch. I mean, Zoey pretty much acts like Aphrodite crawled out of hell to torment her personally with how gorgeous and sexy she is. Yay for reinforcing the demonization of female confidence in this absolute blast of a novel.
Of course there's also some fun side characters, such as NEFERET who admittedly has a cool name but is, other than that, the worst mentor ever (seriously, Dumbledore is Teacher of the Year compared to her) and functions as a flat, two-dimensional villain later on in the story. I'm tragically bored by now.
Last but not least, we have the pleasure of meeting ERIK NIGHT who has possibly one of the worst names I've ever heard and is about as charming as a piece of gum stuck to your shoe: he's clingy, annoying, and sugary sweet.
WORLD BUILDING: 1 / 5
I mean, the Casts used a clever tactic here: they placed the House of Night in their home state, Oklahoma, so they wouldn't have to come up with any new places except for the boarding school itself. They even went so far to claim famous celebrities such as Shania Twain or Shakespeare himself are/were vampyres.
Please. Shakespeare's currently laughing his gay ass off; he wouldn't be caught dead with a bunch of losers who think they have the moral high ground because they've never sucked a dick.
The House of Night itself is quite vacuous itself: I recall a vague description of a bunch of stone buildings and a temple, dedicated to the vampyre goddess Nyx. That's pretty much it.
DIVERSITY: 0 / 5
The Casts really try to be diverse: they have a main character who has Cherokee blood, a gay guy, and a Jamaican girl. However, those three turned out to be some of the most horrible, offensive, stereotype-ridden representation I've ever seen (which has to mean something, because it's not like there's an abundance of awesome rep out there.)
Damien is soft-spoken and feminine, interested in fashion and cross-stitching - which, in itself, is fine. What's not fine is the blatant homophobia seeping through these pages:
"And this is the token guy in our group, Damien Maslin. But he's gay, so I don't really think he counts as a guy."
Wooooooow. Thanks, Stevie Rae, for reinforcing the notion that gay men aren't real men. What the literal fuck?
Or, three pages later, the actual use of the f-word:
"'Think National Merit Scholar in charge of the Honor Society mixed with cheerleaders and band fags.'
'Hey, isn't it disrespectful to your gayness to call them band fags?' Stevie Rae asked.
'I'm using the word as a term of endearment,' Damien said."
Using a term that originated from gay people being rolled up in carpets and lit on fire, therefore resembling cigarettes - which are widely known as fags in the UK - as a term of endearment? I think my spirit just fucking launched itself into the sun or something. This is some Grade-A-Straightie nonsense.
Shaunee, the Resident Black Girl, is only described in terms of food: latte macchiato, mocha, you name it. Anything edible that remotely resembles the color brown immediately becomes a substitute for her name. The bar is literally on the floor and the Casts dug a hole to avoid it.
The stereotyping continues in a rampage of slut-shaming: Zoey's really thinking about Aphrodite's sex life a lot. I mean, the words "bitch" and "hag" make up 81 % of her vocabulary, and there's this lovely paragraph to further prove how saintly Zoey is:
"Yes, I was aware of the whole oral sex thing. I doubt if there's a teenager alive in America who isn't aware that most of the adult public think we're giving guys blow jobs like they used to give guys gum (or maybe more appropriately suckers). Okay, that's just bullshit, and it's always made me mad. Of course there are girls who thinks it's 'cool' to give guys head. Uh, they're wrong. Those of us with functioning brains know that it is not cool to be used like that."
Right. Because giving a blow job makes you morally bankrupt and sucks out your brain cells.
WRITING STYLE: 0 / 5
I, a writer with at least seven years of experience, can think of approximately zero words to describe the style which P.C. and Kristin Cast employ in their opening novel of the House of Night-series. All I can say is that there are so many parentheses. (Seriously, so many.)
Instead of trying to describe it, though, I decided to compile a list of quotes from the book for both your and my amusement. (FYI, the little blowjob-excerpt was not from a conversation Zoey was having. It was an actual descriptive passage in the text.)
Behold the beauty of words, employed by the Casts in the House of Night-series in a manner formerly (and thankfully) unbeknownst to mankind:
"I guess it was time I took things into my own hands (after all, they were well manicured)." Okay, Zoeybird, do I look like I give a flying fuck about your fingernails?
"Then I felt it. A tingling sensation that crawled over my skin and made my new Mark burn. Power. I felt power."
This chick is really trying to be some cheap version of Harry Potter with her tingling sensation nonsense. Somewhere, J. K. Rowling is pissing her pants laughing.
"'Isn't that weird? I'm a Redbird and a daughter of the sun, but I'm turning into a monster of the night.' I heard myself talking out loud and was surprised that my voice sounded so weak, especially when my words seemed to echo around me, as if I were talking into a vibrating drum."
She hears herself. Talking. To herself. I'm going to have a stroke.
"Suprise made me open my eyes. I was staring up at a light, which miraculously didn't hurt my eyes. Instead of the glaring light of the sun, this was more like a soft rain of candlelight filtering down from above. I sat up, and realized I was wrong. The light wasn't coming down. I was moving up toward it! I'm going to heaven. Well, that'll shock some people. I glanced down to seemy body!"
I just lose it at that overly enthusiastic and super shocking my body! at the end there every. Single. Time.
Or, my all-time favorite, unparalleled in its astonishing phrasing:
"I enjoyed the way the world looked, sparkling and new, but it was my body that kept drawing my attention. I floated closer to it. I was breathing in short, shallow pants. Well, my body was breathing like that, not the I that was me. (Talk about confusing pronoun usage.) And I/she didn't look good. I/she was all pale and her lips were blue. Hey! White face, blue lips, and red blood! Am I patriotic or what?"
I'm delighted. Thanks for the confidence boost, guys, because if a book that uses the terms "gihugic" and "birthday-cake-frosting-blue" can make it, I probably can, too.
OVERALL RATING: 0 / 5
Man, I really tried to find something good about this book, but if such a thing exists, it's hidden awfully well. I don't know which illiterate demon possessed twelve-year-old me and told me these books were good, but I'm glad he's gone now.
I mean, wow. I'm not even certain enough of my brain cells survived reading this to actually write something after, good or bad or anything in between. I'm pretty sure they invented How Not To Write guides after this was published - and for good reason.
I just want to know the Casts' secret. Did they bribe their publisher? Read out loud from this book until he was begging them to stop? How in the world did they convince someone to publish this?
But let's start at the very beginning: Why this Book is Terrible and You Should Not Read It.
DISCLAIMER: This is about to get very, very rant-y. I passionately hate-read this book and prepared to tear it to shreds in this review. I cannot stress enough that I do not mean to insult either P.C. or Kristin Cast personally. Remember, when I was 12, I loved this series and genuinely waited for each new release.
PLOT: 0 / 5
Are the Casts in a competition with [a:Anna Todd|3927354|Anna Todd|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1550778141p2/3927354.jpg] to see who can crank out the most illogical, cliché-filled plot? Cause it seriously looks like they're winning.
I honestly didn't think there was any other book out there that had a worse storyline than [b:After|22557520|After (After, #1)|Anna Todd|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1438077259s/22557520.jpg|26102134]. Boy, was I wrong.
In the first novel of the series, the protagonist, Zoey Redbird, turns into a vampyre (yes, they're cool and unique here, so you have to spell them with a y, even though it cracks me up every single time because the German pronunciation makes it sound like vampür in my head) by being Marked by a Tracker at school one day. What happens when you get Marked is basically: some dude shows up, points at you, recites the worst monologue I've ever laid my eyes upon, and finally, you faint and wake up with a brand new half-moon tattoo on your forehead. Because apparently, vampyres aren't just super strong and super fast here, they're also super good at tattooing people without any equipment or physical contact whatsoever. It's truly magical.
Lo and behold, our dear freshly tattooed Zoey makes for the vampyre boarding school, the House of Night, where she is supposed to go to class for four years and participate in random subjects before completing the Change into an adult vampyre or dying a painful, slow death. By now I'm totally hoping it's the latter, but I'm out of luck. Why changing into a vampyre would take four entire years in the first place is beyond me.
Instead of coughing up a lung or two, Zoey ends up running around like she owns the place, makes four new friends in one day, gets a hot boyfriend, and challenges the House of Night's resident Queen Bee for her position. Bitch, I don't even have four friends. What the hell?
I mean, the plot literally takes place over the span of four days, and by the end of it, Zoey is not only the most popular girl in town, but the only fledgling in all of history with a filled-in mark. And she scores the hot, popular Senior dude after talking to him approximately once. Unless jamming your tongue down somebody else's throat is a weird new vampyre greeting, I'm calling bullshit.
Don't even get me started on that part where Zoey becomes leader of the Dark Daughters, an elite school organization, even though she's, you know, only been there for one week. She knows next to knothing about the vampyre world, has no experience whatsoever, and her greatest deed so far was calling Aphrodite a "ho-bag" 611 times in a row, but sure, let's make her the leader of an important and respected student organization that upholds rituals deeply rooted in vampyre tradition and represents the school. Instead of someone who - just a wild thought here - actually knows what they're doing and didn't move in yesterday.
My head hurts.
CHARACTERS: 1 / 5
I'm giving this one star only because I'm so unashamedly amused at how bad these characters are. As a comedic ensamble, they'd be priceless.
ZOEY REDBIRD is the protagonist of the series and doesn't only have a name that already screams Mary Sue! in fifteen foot high neon letters, she also has the personality of a cockroach, except cockroaches have an actual biological purpose and don't make me roll my eyes so hard I give myself a nosebleed every five minutes.
Like your average Young Adult-Mary Sue, Zoey is sixteen, in high school, and way too cool for you - except she keeps complaining about having no friends and being so unique and different. Gee, Zo, I don't know, maybe if you developed an actual personality people would want to befriend you?
All she consists of before she's Marked is the following rather short, but colorful list: hating on her stepdad (whom she so very eloquently calls "step-loser"); complaining about teenagers who party, drink, and have sex; and feeling superior to her (alleged) best friend, Kayla, and her ex-almost-boyfriend, Heath. Calling either of them stupid is a brave call from someone who uses the word "gihugic" unironically. (No, I did not make that up. Even my creativity has its limits.)
Besides being annoying and dumber than a sack of sand, Zoey is also a plain old hypocrite: she loves complaining about Aphrodite and her friends, claiming that they run around acting like they're so much better than everyone else, but then doesn't take two seconds to turn around and talk about "some loser kid's blood" which she would very much like to consume because she's, you know, a vampyre and Elliott from Lit class is just a refrigerator because he has bad hair. If hypocrisy was an Olympic sport, Z-bird would take home all the medals.
Other than that, Zoey constantly talks about fashion - Maui Jim this, Prada that. They don't even talk fashion this much on Project Runway, and that's a show about making fashion. Or she likes to remind everyone of how different she is because she doesn't have oral sex. She's truly earned a gold star, that one.
I'm also pretty much convinced that Zoey invented the "overpowered MC" trope that has been ripe in Young Adult fiction these past few years, because get this: she's not only the first fledgling ever to have a completely filled-in Mark, no, she can also control all five elements, which has been unheard of in vampyre history, and ends up High Priestess in training with a full vampyre tattoo at the end of book one. While your average adult vampyre will have a half-moon tattoo on their forehead and then, after completing the Change, some ornamental tattoos on their cheekbones, Zoey is a fledgling with tattoos all over her body within four weeks.
Of course, lovely Zoey isn't enough to bear just yet, so the Casts have come up with an entire quirky! and fun! group of friends for her.
There's STEVIE RAE, who has the personality of a cowboy boot and is only there to talk with a Southern accent or giggle. (Stevie Rae used to be my absolute favorite character when I first read these books. What a blind fool I've been.)
There's the twins, SHAUNEE and ERIN, who aren't really twins but are called that because they seem to be taking turns using their last functioning brain cell to complete each other's sentences. Truly amazing.
There's DAMIEN, the token gay guy who doesn't fit in with the other gay guys at school because they're too girly, so he hangs out with a group of straight girls instead. I suspect he maybe does it to feel smart, because the female parts of their little gang seem to have a combined IQ of 45 on a good day. I would have rather read about Henrietta's Fighting Hens than spend one more chapter reading the cringy and embarrassing "banter" between Ms. Overpowered and her Group of Equally Annoying and Useless Friends.
And there's APHRODITE, who - guess what - named herself after the Greek goddess of love and passion and is - you guessed it - a total bitch. I mean, Zoey pretty much acts like Aphrodite crawled out of hell to torment her personally with how gorgeous and sexy she is. Yay for reinforcing the demonization of female confidence in this absolute blast of a novel.
Of course there's also some fun side characters, such as NEFERET who admittedly has a cool name but is, other than that, the worst mentor ever (seriously, Dumbledore is Teacher of the Year compared to her) and functions as a flat, two-dimensional villain later on in the story. I'm tragically bored by now.
Last but not least, we have the pleasure of meeting ERIK NIGHT who has possibly one of the worst names I've ever heard and is about as charming as a piece of gum stuck to your shoe: he's clingy, annoying, and sugary sweet.
WORLD BUILDING: 1 / 5
I mean, the Casts used a clever tactic here: they placed the House of Night in their home state, Oklahoma, so they wouldn't have to come up with any new places except for the boarding school itself. They even went so far to claim famous celebrities such as Shania Twain or Shakespeare himself are/were vampyres.
Please. Shakespeare's currently laughing his gay ass off; he wouldn't be caught dead with a bunch of losers who think they have the moral high ground because they've never sucked a dick.
The House of Night itself is quite vacuous itself: I recall a vague description of a bunch of stone buildings and a temple, dedicated to the vampyre goddess Nyx. That's pretty much it.
DIVERSITY: 0 / 5
The Casts really try to be diverse: they have a main character who has Cherokee blood, a gay guy, and a Jamaican girl. However, those three turned out to be some of the most horrible, offensive, stereotype-ridden representation I've ever seen (which has to mean something, because it's not like there's an abundance of awesome rep out there.)
Damien is soft-spoken and feminine, interested in fashion and cross-stitching - which, in itself, is fine. What's not fine is the blatant homophobia seeping through these pages:
"And this is the token guy in our group, Damien Maslin. But he's gay, so I don't really think he counts as a guy."
Wooooooow. Thanks, Stevie Rae, for reinforcing the notion that gay men aren't real men. What the literal fuck?
Or, three pages later, the actual use of the f-word:
"'Think National Merit Scholar in charge of the Honor Society mixed with cheerleaders and band fags.'
'Hey, isn't it disrespectful to your gayness to call them band fags?' Stevie Rae asked.
'I'm using the word as a term of endearment,' Damien said."
Using a term that originated from gay people being rolled up in carpets and lit on fire, therefore resembling cigarettes - which are widely known as fags in the UK - as a term of endearment? I think my spirit just fucking launched itself into the sun or something. This is some Grade-A-Straightie nonsense.
Shaunee, the Resident Black Girl, is only described in terms of food: latte macchiato, mocha, you name it. Anything edible that remotely resembles the color brown immediately becomes a substitute for her name. The bar is literally on the floor and the Casts dug a hole to avoid it.
The stereotyping continues in a rampage of slut-shaming: Zoey's really thinking about Aphrodite's sex life a lot. I mean, the words "bitch" and "hag" make up 81 % of her vocabulary, and there's this lovely paragraph to further prove how saintly Zoey is:
"Yes, I was aware of the whole oral sex thing. I doubt if there's a teenager alive in America who isn't aware that most of the adult public think we're giving guys blow jobs like they used to give guys gum (or maybe more appropriately suckers). Okay, that's just bullshit, and it's always made me mad. Of course there are girls who thinks it's 'cool' to give guys head. Uh, they're wrong. Those of us with functioning brains know that it is not cool to be used like that."
Right. Because giving a blow job makes you morally bankrupt and sucks out your brain cells.
WRITING STYLE: 0 / 5
I, a writer with at least seven years of experience, can think of approximately zero words to describe the style which P.C. and Kristin Cast employ in their opening novel of the House of Night-series. All I can say is that there are so many parentheses. (Seriously, so many.)
Instead of trying to describe it, though, I decided to compile a list of quotes from the book for both your and my amusement. (FYI, the little blowjob-excerpt was not from a conversation Zoey was having. It was an actual descriptive passage in the text.)
Behold the beauty of words, employed by the Casts in the House of Night-series in a manner formerly (and thankfully) unbeknownst to mankind:
"I guess it was time I took things into my own hands (after all, they were well manicured)." Okay, Zoeybird, do I look like I give a flying fuck about your fingernails?
"Then I felt it. A tingling sensation that crawled over my skin and made my new Mark burn. Power. I felt power."
This chick is really trying to be some cheap version of Harry Potter with her tingling sensation nonsense. Somewhere, J. K. Rowling is pissing her pants laughing.
"'Isn't that weird? I'm a Redbird and a daughter of the sun, but I'm turning into a monster of the night.' I heard myself talking out loud and was surprised that my voice sounded so weak, especially when my words seemed to echo around me, as if I were talking into a vibrating drum."
She hears herself. Talking. To herself. I'm going to have a stroke.
"Suprise made me open my eyes. I was staring up at a light, which miraculously didn't hurt my eyes. Instead of the glaring light of the sun, this was more like a soft rain of candlelight filtering down from above. I sat up, and realized I was wrong. The light wasn't coming down. I was moving up toward it! I'm going to heaven. Well, that'll shock some people. I glanced down to seemy body!"
I just lose it at that overly enthusiastic and super shocking my body! at the end there every. Single. Time.
Or, my all-time favorite, unparalleled in its astonishing phrasing:
"I enjoyed the way the world looked, sparkling and new, but it was my body that kept drawing my attention. I floated closer to it. I was breathing in short, shallow pants. Well, my body was breathing like that, not the I that was me. (Talk about confusing pronoun usage.) And I/she didn't look good. I/she was all pale and her lips were blue. Hey! White face, blue lips, and red blood! Am I patriotic or what?"
I'm delighted. Thanks for the confidence boost, guys, because if a book that uses the terms "gihugic" and "birthday-cake-frosting-blue" can make it, I probably can, too.
OVERALL RATING: 0 / 5
Man, I really tried to find something good about this book, but if such a thing exists, it's hidden awfully well. I don't know which illiterate demon possessed twelve-year-old me and told me these books were good, but I'm glad he's gone now.
afterplague's review against another edition
adventurous
mysterious
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.75
There are so many more slurs in this book than I remembered...
emgorder's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No