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thecuriousbean's review against another edition
It didn't feel worth the wait for the loan every time.
benrogerswpg's review
4.0
Outstanding book on how to negotiate yourself towards declining things that take up your life, and how to make it not backfire.
4.3/5
4.3/5
niniane's review against another edition
2.0
This book was poorly written. I think there was a point about saying no clearly instead of avoiding it or saying it in an attacking way, but I couldn't absorb it because the writing was so terrible.
alissamargaret's review against another edition
4.0
*Audiobook* Really enjoyed this book, which was recommended to me by a manager at a training I recently attended. This book focuses on how to say no and set boundaries with others while respecting your own values and the other person’s needs and interests.
thelauramay's review against another edition
2.0
As I mentioned in one of my updates, this is a book that could really be a brochure--at least, if you're looking for substantive content. If you're interested in tales about Ury's experiences, then it could be of more value. Also, if you have already read 'Getting to Yes' and 'Getting to Yes with Yourself', there is little new here.
The premise of the book is that a 'positive no' includes three components:
1. Saying yes to yourself and your needs/interests
2. Saying no to the other person's proposal
3. Saying yes to the relationship.
E.g.
Y1: "My family time is important to me,
N: and so I am unable to do overtime this week.
Y2: Perhaps we could meet on Monday to work on streamlining the project timeline."
Y1: I am going to stick to my existing plans and not overstretch myself.
N: "I am afraid I already have plans for that time, but
Y2: thank you for thinking of me - and perhaps we can take a rain-check."
If the first part--prioritising your own needs/setting boundaries--is difficult for you, then practical books on developing boundaries and/or reducing co-dependency would likely be of significantly greater value to you than this book.
The one thing I highlighted from this book was the discursive strategy of using 'oh' and 'so' instead of saying 'no'. The example he gives:
Acquaintance: I've run out of money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: I'm really broke.
You: So?
Acquaintance: I really need money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: You've been a good friend.
You: So?
Hilarious, right?
I ended up listening at 1.6 speed - this is not one of those books where you're going to be hanging on every word.
1.5 stars.
The premise of the book is that a 'positive no' includes three components:
1. Saying yes to yourself and your needs/interests
2. Saying no to the other person's proposal
3. Saying yes to the relationship.
E.g.
Y1: "My family time is important to me,
N: and so I am unable to do overtime this week.
Y2: Perhaps we could meet on Monday to work on streamlining the project timeline."
Y1: I am going to stick to my existing plans and not overstretch myself.
N: "I am afraid I already have plans for that time, but
Y2: thank you for thinking of me - and perhaps we can take a rain-check."
If the first part--prioritising your own needs/setting boundaries--is difficult for you, then practical books on developing boundaries and/or reducing co-dependency would likely be of significantly greater value to you than this book.
The one thing I highlighted from this book was the discursive strategy of using 'oh' and 'so' instead of saying 'no'. The example he gives:
Acquaintance: I've run out of money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: I'm really broke.
You: So?
Acquaintance: I really need money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: You've been a good friend.
You: So?
Hilarious, right?
I ended up listening at 1.6 speed - this is not one of those books where you're going to be hanging on every word.
1.5 stars.
henrik_w's review against another edition
4.0
I read “Getting to Yes” many years ago, and loved it. In the introduction, William Ury explains that this (newer) book can be seen as laying the foundation for Getting to Yes and the third book in the series, Getting Past No.
William Ury summarizes the main idea in this book as: Yes! No. Yes? When you say no to something, there is a reason. For example, you say no to working late, because you want to spend time with your family. The first yes is the yes you say to being with your family, and it is the reason you then say no to working late. The third yes is the effort to keep the relationship positive, even though you have said no.
This formula is a great way of saying no in a positive way, and the whole book is spent explaining the formula and how to apply it. There are many examples throughout the book, and William Ury does a great job teaching the reader how to say no in the best possible way. Even if you don’t normally have a hard time saying no, it is still valuable to read, because the system he lays out is so well thought out. It’s a quick read, and all the examples make it even easier to understand.
William Ury summarizes the main idea in this book as: Yes! No. Yes? When you say no to something, there is a reason. For example, you say no to working late, because you want to spend time with your family. The first yes is the yes you say to being with your family, and it is the reason you then say no to working late. The third yes is the effort to keep the relationship positive, even though you have said no.
This formula is a great way of saying no in a positive way, and the whole book is spent explaining the formula and how to apply it. There are many examples throughout the book, and William Ury does a great job teaching the reader how to say no in the best possible way. Even if you don’t normally have a hard time saying no, it is still valuable to read, because the system he lays out is so well thought out. It’s a quick read, and all the examples make it even easier to understand.