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cestmackenzie's review against another edition
2.0
This was a very interesting and potentially five-star book on trauma until around the 35% mark. Wasn’t a fan of how the author presented the material and conversation past that point - lots of mentioning of her own program, long-winded bits about her experience in the military (we get it; you have a military industrial complex), using the IDF as an example (would absolutely *love* to see a similar example concerning innocent P@lestinians), detailed descriptions of animal death (like, why was this a necessary example…?), actions/solutions that really only a privileged person with resources and connections at their disposal could afford to take, etc. The last 250 pages could’ve also been condensed into 50 pages and would’ve had a more lasting impact.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death and War
rsaguilar's review against another edition
4.0
It took me a while to get through but has some good practice suggestions. If anything, the audiobook narrator has a calming voice that helps de-stress, too!
i_read_big_boucs's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
This book had some very interesting ideas and information. But god, it should have been so much shorter!
Despite these limitations, two major takeaways of the book for me:
- The model of the Window of tolerance, which can be wide or narrow, resonates with my experience. The idea of trying to optimise more consciously by choosing activities that down-regulate or up-regulate are something I found valuable. Identifying the factors that narrow our window (developmental trauma, shock trauma, chronic stress) helped me understand how my life had shaped my nervous system and why it made sense to be where I was.
- This model really legitimates the idea of the "edge" that I think is a really great tool for identifying what is helpful discomfort versus discomfort that makes you worse off in the long run.
- The Contact Points meditation. Stanley writes that most meditation teachers assume the breath is a neutral anchor for most people, when actually it is not and focusing on the breath and body sensations can exacerbate dysregulation for dysregulated people. Therefore, it's important to teach down-regulation techniques along with attentional control techniques. I've practiced breath meditation for three years but just a few days of contact points meditation had me feeling more secure in my capacity to down regulate and gave me a place to go to when I felt overwhelmed. This book has given me the final conviction that just trying to "be with the pain" as is popular in mindfulness talk is only beneficial when it's slightly outside of your comfort zone, but otherwise it just dysregulates you more and grounding is the priority.
What I didn't like about the book was that lots of studies and examples from the military or being in Harvard were not necessarily very interesting or relatable to me. There was lots of repetition. And I didn't like the style of the author. I also experience more difficulty with credibility knowing that she's not a trained psychologist (although I think patient experts have legitimate expertise – but this book is largely written from a place of neurobiological authority).
Something else that bugged me is how often Stanley emphasises food or technology as bad coping. She proposes the skilful coping pyramid spectrum. I personally much preferred the tone of the book Burnout by Emilie and Amelia Nagoski, which is much less moralistic and more compassionate about how hard life is when it comes to lifestyle changes, and is self-admittedly "numbing positive". (See for ex: https://emilynagoski.substack.com/p/coping-strategies?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2). I'd highly recommend the book Burnout itself, it's a very compassionate way of trying to recover from feeling exhausted and having a narrowed window because of chronic stress.
Despite these limitations, two major takeaways of the book for me:
- The model of the Window of tolerance, which can be wide or narrow, resonates with my experience. The idea of trying to optimise more consciously by choosing activities that down-regulate or up-regulate are something I found valuable. Identifying the factors that narrow our window (developmental trauma, shock trauma, chronic stress) helped me understand how my life had shaped my nervous system and why it made sense to be where I was.
- This model really legitimates the idea of the "edge" that I think is a really great tool for identifying what is helpful discomfort versus discomfort that makes you worse off in the long run.
- The Contact Points meditation. Stanley writes that most meditation teachers assume the breath is a neutral anchor for most people, when actually it is not and focusing on the breath and body sensations can exacerbate dysregulation for dysregulated people. Therefore, it's important to teach down-regulation techniques along with attentional control techniques. I've practiced breath meditation for three years but just a few days of contact points meditation had me feeling more secure in my capacity to down regulate and gave me a place to go to when I felt overwhelmed. This book has given me the final conviction that just trying to "be with the pain" as is popular in mindfulness talk is only beneficial when it's slightly outside of your comfort zone, but otherwise it just dysregulates you more and grounding is the priority.
What I didn't like about the book was that lots of studies and examples from the military or being in Harvard were not necessarily very interesting or relatable to me. There was lots of repetition. And I didn't like the style of the author. I also experience more difficulty with credibility knowing that she's not a trained psychologist (although I think patient experts have legitimate expertise – but this book is largely written from a place of neurobiological authority).
Something else that bugged me is how often Stanley emphasises food or technology as bad coping. She proposes the skilful coping pyramid spectrum. I personally much preferred the tone of the book Burnout by Emilie and Amelia Nagoski, which is much less moralistic and more compassionate about how hard life is when it comes to lifestyle changes, and is self-admittedly "numbing positive". (See for ex: https://emilynagoski.substack.com/p/coping-strategies?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2). I'd highly recommend the book Burnout itself, it's a very compassionate way of trying to recover from feeling exhausted and having a narrowed window because of chronic stress.
heidi_'s review against another edition
5.0
What a cathartic read. This is a great complement to The Body Keeps the Score. When viewed through the lens of individual and societal trauma, so much of the dysfunction that we see in the world today makes infinitely more sense.
Stanley ties together so many critical concepts that contribute to our understanding of why we are so collectively stressed, what the ramifications of leaving our stresses unaddressed are, and how we can access the agency needed to change course. I especially appreciate how she addresses individualism and compartmentalization as powerful cultural norms that contribute to our dysregulation.
"We still see the Cartesian paradigm at work today. This is the cultural basis for our relative disregard for the emotional or physiological aspects of knowing — as well as for our bodies, sensations, and emotions."
This overemphasis on rational objectivity within the highly subjective social realm, coupled with widely held assumptions about self-reliance, contribute to decisions that further undermine our well-being.
"These beliefs frequently shame and blame both perpetrators and victims for a lack of moral character or self-control — fueling stigmatization that blunts our collective understanding. These beliefs feed societal divisions and shape our policies on a range of issues, such as education, healthcare, welfare, law enforcement, incarceration, and affirmative action."
Fueling so much of our national illnesses are the lifestyle factors that undermine the ability to act from a (relatively) clear mind. Work cultures that reward sacrificing sleep or personal lives, diets characterized by convenience over nourishment, and technology that interferes with our ability to focus all interfere with our ability to meet challenges with grace. And of course, this is all exacerbated by a lack of material and institutional resources, making it significantly more difficult for marginalized groups to access self-regulation.
That said, Stanley doesn't end on a cynical note. Peppered throughout the book are notes on how to rewire our physiology for the better, namely through mindfulness training and healthy lifestyle changes. People can feel more whole regardless of what they have experienced. Through intentional action at the personal and public level, we can create the conditions to live more fully.
Stanley ties together so many critical concepts that contribute to our understanding of why we are so collectively stressed, what the ramifications of leaving our stresses unaddressed are, and how we can access the agency needed to change course. I especially appreciate how she addresses individualism and compartmentalization as powerful cultural norms that contribute to our dysregulation.
"We still see the Cartesian paradigm at work today. This is the cultural basis for our relative disregard for the emotional or physiological aspects of knowing — as well as for our bodies, sensations, and emotions."
This overemphasis on rational objectivity within the highly subjective social realm, coupled with widely held assumptions about self-reliance, contribute to decisions that further undermine our well-being.
"These beliefs frequently shame and blame both perpetrators and victims for a lack of moral character or self-control — fueling stigmatization that blunts our collective understanding. These beliefs feed societal divisions and shape our policies on a range of issues, such as education, healthcare, welfare, law enforcement, incarceration, and affirmative action."
Fueling so much of our national illnesses are the lifestyle factors that undermine the ability to act from a (relatively) clear mind. Work cultures that reward sacrificing sleep or personal lives, diets characterized by convenience over nourishment, and technology that interferes with our ability to focus all interfere with our ability to meet challenges with grace. And of course, this is all exacerbated by a lack of material and institutional resources, making it significantly more difficult for marginalized groups to access self-regulation.
That said, Stanley doesn't end on a cynical note. Peppered throughout the book are notes on how to rewire our physiology for the better, namely through mindfulness training and healthy lifestyle changes. People can feel more whole regardless of what they have experienced. Through intentional action at the personal and public level, we can create the conditions to live more fully.
mamaorgana80's review against another edition
5.0
Best book I have read on stress and trauma—blend of theory + practical while being v approachable.
morgan_blackledge's review against another edition
5.0
EXCELLENT book on stress and trauma.
Written by a military psychologist and trauma/stress resilience training researcher, Dr Elizabeth A. Stanley.
The book is field tested, sensible and designed to be useful and inoffensive to high achieving, hard driving, high functioning people.
It’s not about boo-hooing. It’s about managing your life and training your body and mind so that you can keep doing what needs to get done.
But here’s the deal.
You can’t just keep taking on stress.
It’s bad for you.
It’s bad for your body.
And it’s bad for the people around you.
It’s particularly bad if you have been exposed to stressful and/or traumatic shit in the past.
Trauma and stress make you more susceptible to trauma and stress. It’s a bad downward spiral to burnout our worse.
The NUMBER ONE best thing about the book is the way it removes the false distinction between unhealthy stress and trauma.
According to the author, all unhealthy stress and trauma deal in the same currency i.e. in the activation and accumulation of energy (stress hormones and nervous system readiness to take action in the form of fight, flight or freeze).
If you have a history of trauma, your brain and body’s emergency response may have a hair trigger. This leaves you more susceptible to stress activation and accumulation.
This stress/trauma activation and accumulation is referred to throughout the book as ‘alostatic load’. And carrying a heavy alostatic load is awful for your brain, body and life. Particularly over the protracted long term.
The book warns against ‘stuff it down and soldier on’ ways of dealing with stress.
The rule of thumb is, you can stuff your feelings down into the basement, but then they get together lift weights and eventually come upstairs and kick your ass.
So if you think about cops and soldiers and first responders, dealing with high stress work, probably many of them coming from messed up childhood situations, or previous trauma, you can see how they may be at elevated risk for some pretty nasty, and potentially EXPLOSIVE problems.
The book recommends a regimen of mental fitness training that helps us (a) identify when we’re carrying a heavy alostatic load, and (b) choose and use the appropriate ‘ground and regulate’ strategies for ‘discharging’ that energy in healthy and adaptive ways.
NOTE: although the book recommends mindfulness, the book does not tout it as a panacea.
In fact, this maybe the best book I have read addressing the contraindications of traditional mindfulness for stress and trauma.
In a nut shell: the author recommends sleep, exercise, healthy diet and supportive relationships to ground and regulate stress/trauma accumulation.
The author recommends using mindfulness in addition to all that basic stuff (as opposed to instead of).
Otherwise, mindfulness can become just another mechanism of blowing off your feelings and stuffing them down in the basement.
Same goes with cognitive therapy and positive psychology ‘thinking brain’ type interventions.
They can also become part of the emotional stuffing machine.
According to the author (and I completely agree) the first line of stress/trauma defense should always be, sleep, exercise, healthy diet, supportive relationships and time out of the meat grinder.
The cognitive and mindfulness based practices should only be utilized in the service of all that.
Anyway.
I fucking LOVE this book.
One of my favorites of 2019 for sure.
Written by a military psychologist and trauma/stress resilience training researcher, Dr Elizabeth A. Stanley.
The book is field tested, sensible and designed to be useful and inoffensive to high achieving, hard driving, high functioning people.
It’s not about boo-hooing. It’s about managing your life and training your body and mind so that you can keep doing what needs to get done.
But here’s the deal.
You can’t just keep taking on stress.
It’s bad for you.
It’s bad for your body.
And it’s bad for the people around you.
It’s particularly bad if you have been exposed to stressful and/or traumatic shit in the past.
Trauma and stress make you more susceptible to trauma and stress. It’s a bad downward spiral to burnout our worse.
The NUMBER ONE best thing about the book is the way it removes the false distinction between unhealthy stress and trauma.
According to the author, all unhealthy stress and trauma deal in the same currency i.e. in the activation and accumulation of energy (stress hormones and nervous system readiness to take action in the form of fight, flight or freeze).
If you have a history of trauma, your brain and body’s emergency response may have a hair trigger. This leaves you more susceptible to stress activation and accumulation.
This stress/trauma activation and accumulation is referred to throughout the book as ‘alostatic load’. And carrying a heavy alostatic load is awful for your brain, body and life. Particularly over the protracted long term.
The book warns against ‘stuff it down and soldier on’ ways of dealing with stress.
The rule of thumb is, you can stuff your feelings down into the basement, but then they get together lift weights and eventually come upstairs and kick your ass.
So if you think about cops and soldiers and first responders, dealing with high stress work, probably many of them coming from messed up childhood situations, or previous trauma, you can see how they may be at elevated risk for some pretty nasty, and potentially EXPLOSIVE problems.
The book recommends a regimen of mental fitness training that helps us (a) identify when we’re carrying a heavy alostatic load, and (b) choose and use the appropriate ‘ground and regulate’ strategies for ‘discharging’ that energy in healthy and adaptive ways.
NOTE: although the book recommends mindfulness, the book does not tout it as a panacea.
In fact, this maybe the best book I have read addressing the contraindications of traditional mindfulness for stress and trauma.
In a nut shell: the author recommends sleep, exercise, healthy diet and supportive relationships to ground and regulate stress/trauma accumulation.
The author recommends using mindfulness in addition to all that basic stuff (as opposed to instead of).
Otherwise, mindfulness can become just another mechanism of blowing off your feelings and stuffing them down in the basement.
Same goes with cognitive therapy and positive psychology ‘thinking brain’ type interventions.
They can also become part of the emotional stuffing machine.
According to the author (and I completely agree) the first line of stress/trauma defense should always be, sleep, exercise, healthy diet, supportive relationships and time out of the meat grinder.
The cognitive and mindfulness based practices should only be utilized in the service of all that.
Anyway.
I fucking LOVE this book.
One of my favorites of 2019 for sure.
piabo's review against another edition
5.0
I am so glad I finally found this book. I have been looking for information on how to take care of my mental health for some time, but most books are super specific on trauma or other kind of diagnosis I do not have.
"Widen the Window" is for everyone who habitually pushes themselves to finish a task, reach a goal, or live through particular social situations. And so much more!
Only after reading this book, can I finally acknowledge that what I experience is stress and that things have to change in order for me to feel better and get out of the hole I am currently in.
Elizabeth Stanley does a great mix of personal anecdotes and scientifically proven strategies. It was therefore easier to connect to the things she says and find strategies to apply them to my own life.
I honestly wish I could just summarize this entire book here. Or lecture everyone I meet (and especially those I care about) about the principles or self-care and resilience building mentioned in this book.
My attempt to summarize:
It is okay to feel overwhelmed! It is not possible to think your way out of feeling stress. Your body experiences it and there are techniques to finish the stress cycle and relax, we just don't learn about much of this in school.
Sleep 8+ hours a day, exercise for 150+ minutes a week, eat well, engage in mindful activities, have healthy relationships.
Please do this AND read the book.
Thanks.
Of course, this book is not perfect. I am giving it 5 stars right now because so much was so good and new to me. But it is important that people read other books in addition to this (and seek therapy if things don't feel right!)
A great comment and additional resources are in this Goodreads thread: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4016438746
"Widen the Window" is for everyone who habitually pushes themselves to finish a task, reach a goal, or live through particular social situations. And so much more!
Only after reading this book, can I finally acknowledge that what I experience is stress and that things have to change in order for me to feel better and get out of the hole I am currently in.
Elizabeth Stanley does a great mix of personal anecdotes and scientifically proven strategies. It was therefore easier to connect to the things she says and find strategies to apply them to my own life.
I honestly wish I could just summarize this entire book here. Or lecture everyone I meet (and especially those I care about) about the principles or self-care and resilience building mentioned in this book.
My attempt to summarize:
It is okay to feel overwhelmed! It is not possible to think your way out of feeling stress. Your body experiences it and there are techniques to finish the stress cycle and relax, we just don't learn about much of this in school.
Sleep 8+ hours a day, exercise for 150+ minutes a week, eat well, engage in mindful activities, have healthy relationships.
Please do this AND read the book.
Thanks.
Of course, this book is not perfect. I am giving it 5 stars right now because so much was so good and new to me. But it is important that people read other books in addition to this (and seek therapy if things don't feel right!)
A great comment and additional resources are in this Goodreads thread: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4016438746
graciegrace1178's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
On the one hand, wow, cool! On the other, SOEGIOEASIHGOSEHGOSEHGOSEHGOIEHSGOHRSOGL. 4.22 stars.
PT: self-development/motivation, trauma books, books on psychology and endocrinology,
WIL
1) discussions of trauma for the traumatized in denial. There really is a need for this book. For the people who don't want to go to therapy. For the people who insist they're fine when they have nightmare disorder and PTSD. For the people who have a Reputation to maintain and ANY cracks in their exterior cannot be allowed. This is very directed and regimented speech for those who don't really want to acknowledge their vulnerabilities but want to get back to the stronger, more whole and put-together version of themselves that they lost along the way.
2) Stanley does NOT mess around. She is VERY clear and to the point, and MAN is that impactful! (It might be a bit intense for some readers, but there's something to be said for just saying it like it is, no subtlety or softness about it.)
3) Interesting information! Lots on the nervous system! Love that!! Good resource for those just learning about trauma and its anatomical impacts.
WIDL
1) (extracted from reading progress notes.) Microbiota. The overgeneralization of microbiota discussions in books makes me want to throw myself into the ocean. IT'S REALLY NOT THAT SIMPLE. And for something that regulates "70 percent" of immune response IT SHOULD BE MORE ACCURATELY ANALYZED AND DISCUSSED. also that ventral parasympathetic recalibration corresponds so CLEANLY with what I call Se establishment days makes my brain positively buzz with dopamine.
2) (extracted from reading progress notes.) G & R and chapter 13-14. "after exercise... [You] can try G and R again" uh ABSOLUTELY NOT THANKS. I mean sure it's effective but GOODNESS HEAVENS AT WHAT COST. Also, to anyone considering reading this: read chapter fourteen before you try your hand at G and R. Chapter thirteen will have you believe that you've got all possibilities covered but OHOOO there's more to it
3) (extracted from reading progress notes.) Stanley: I know you’re stressed and traumatized, and I’m here to help you through that!!
Also Stanley: [proceeds to stress and traumatize readers with horrifying statistics and overwhelm]"
NEUTRAL GROUND:
1) (extracted from reading progress notes.) This book and I are going to have a complicated relationship, and I know this because I'm 4% in and have already developed strange stomach spasms in response to the subject material. Points to the book for being quite clearly and immediately effective!! Perhaps efficacy in triggering an immediate physiological response is not the best quality in a book designed to help people heal trauma, but imma read it anyway."
UPDATE AFTER FINISHING BOOK: yea, this book and I have a complicated relationship for sure.